What a day...

What a day... Knowing ya'll, I'm sure it will please you immensely to hear that I ran my car off the road today and spent three hours in a ditch waiting for a salvaging car. We had our first snowfall here, and silly me had not yet changed the tires on the car... seeing the snow fall I made the brilliant decision to drive home to get the studded tires and have the change done at a gas station.

On the way home I slid off the road (even though I was driving VERY carefully!) and the car went into a deep ditch. No effin chance of getting up again without help. So I called the insurance company, where I was informed that since I had been driving with ordinary tires I had zero coverage. They did however call the salvaging company for me.

It took almost three hours from my first call until my car was pulled out. I was almost out of gas, so I couldn't keep the engine running all the time. I was cold, hungry and bored out of my tiny little mind by the time I was rescued.

When we got back to town I then had to beg and plead at the gas station to make them fit me in for a tire change, and then I had to take a TAXI back home to get the studded tires. I also had to call work and make them put in a substitute in one of my English classes. Needless to say, my dear colleagues taunted me mercilessly, and I'm sure I'll hear it from the pupils tomorrow. Fortunately it looks like the car is fine - the ditch was full of grass, and there were no rocks or anything like that.

Total cost of mishap: appx $240, over three hours of my life... and a bruised ego...

Can't win them all

Fuck-fuckety-fuck. Kaczynski seems to have won in Poland. Two exit polls show him with around 53% of the vote, and Tusk has already conceded. Fuckers chose the Neanderthal over the Modern Man.

On the bright side, a poll out today in Brazil showed 51-41 against the proposed ban on guns & ammo.

Hmmm... maybe someone could arrange for Kaczynski to go on a state visit to Brazil...?

They're here.

I have detected the first sign of an alien invasion.

No, this time the voices have been quiet.

There were no radio signals in my dental fillings.

BUT.

I have read my Douglas Adams. I know the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. And I know about the theory that the smartest species in the world are white mice, and that we humans are really all just part of an experiment to find the right question to the answer "42".

Well, Adams got the details wrong - they're not white mice, they're RATS. The common brown rat, aka the Norway Rat (Rattus Norvegicus) no less. And no, that's not a euphism for yours truly... uhm... at least I think not...

Anyway, right about now would be a good time to panic. THEY'RE HERE! AAAAAHHHHH!

Fisking Gore

I wouldn't usually waste my time on a living political joke like Al Gore, but his statements as quoted in this article just cried out for some snide comments...


"I have absolutely no plans and no expectations of ever being a candidate again..."
Hey, you had no plans the last time you ran, doofus.

"We would not have invaded a country that didn't attack us," he said, referring to Iraq.
Instead, you would have waited for it to develop nuclear weapons to attack you with.

"We would not have taken money from the working families and given it to the most wealthy families."
You would have kept it and handed it out to the special interest groups that voted for you.

"We would not be trying to control and intimidate the news media."
Why would you? They're all Democrats anyway!

"We would not be routinely torturing people"
I take this as a pledge from you never to speak in public again.

"We would be a different country."
Canada?

"There were specific warnings that the levees might break," he said. "But for whatever reason those warnings were not acted upon in a timely way."
...by the Democrats who have controlled the governments of Louisiana and New Orleans almost continuously since Reconstruction ended.

He said the United States and other countries are similarly ignoring the threats that global warning pose to the environment. "My country is extremely attentive to the slightest increase in a risk from terror, and that's appropriate," he said. "But why should we be so tolerant of risk where the future habitability of our planet is concerned?"
Indeed. Lets start by putting a stop to your personal hot air emissions.

Gore, who now runs a cable TV channel and is the chairman of an investment company, did not completely shut the door to future political endeavors. "I don't completely rule out some future interest, but I don't expect to have that," Gore said.
None of us expect to be interested in you running again, you sad schmuck.

"Of course a woman could get elected president," he said. "I am not going to make any comment on individual candidates. It's quite premature."
As was your candidacy. America simply wasn't ready for a robot president.

Smurf this

Do you remember the smurfs? Those horribly annoying little blueskinned guys in their tacky white pants? (Umpteen guys and just one female? Let's not even go there.) Anyways, they're finally getting what they deserve...

According to this news release, there's an ad for UNICEF running on Belgian TV, in which the smurf village is carpet bombed to smithereens. The goal is to get people to donate to UNICEF, but personally I'd pay good money simply to watch the little fuckers burn.

This, I think, is a major oversight with all these fuzzy, bleedin' heart groups. They're always trying to appeal to people's better instincts and make us give away money for nothing. Well, we all know that most people are mean bastards at heart, so why not take advantage of the fact and offer us some good entertainment that we're willing to pay for? Like a game where we could bomb the smurfs!

Ok, so I lied

I know I promised ya'll a good rant about the Nobel Peace Prize, but I don't think I can be bothered. This year's selection is boring and safe and there's really not much to be huffing and puffing about. The IAEA is of course quite useless, since they've never dismantled a single nuclear weapons program, but their purpose is well intentioned and they're not doing any damage, since no one ever listens to them anyway. Let them have their fun, that's what I say.

In case you care...

... you should know that I am still sick, so sick... barely alive... hanging on by the skin of my teeth.

Tomorrow they're announcing who won this year's Nobel Peace Prize. Expect a rant about it, though they can't possibly have picked someone worse than last year's paranoid commie.

Fever and credit cards - a lethal combination

So... I'm still sitting here, sniffling and coughing and burning hot with fever.

Bored.

But with a credit card.

So yesterday I bought twelve DVDs for a total cost of appx. $130, and today I've ordered the spanking new Complete Calvin & Hobbes collection (hardcover) from Amazon.uk. It's over 1,400 pages for slightly above $100, postage included. Not bad at all, or so the fever keeps insisting.

I, a junkie?

As we've already established, I am sick. Very sick.

Possibly the sickest person in the history of sickness.

Since I was tired of coughing up my lungs, I've taken a cough syrup. Apparently, it contains morphine.

In a few weeks I'll be the first person ever to blog from under the town bridge with a needle in my arm.

Woe is me

I am sick, so sick.

I'm coughing up my lungs and sneezing my head off several times an hour.

The fever is burning my body from within, yet my poor limbs are cold.

I want warm milk and cookies.

I am sick.