Thursday, June 30, 2011

I made doo doo (also known as a poem)!

I dunno iffin you've heard of this, but American children's book author Adam Mansbach has gone and written a funny little thing called "Go the fuck to sleep." 'tis about 15 short verses long, with illustrations, and let me tell you, the audiobook, narrated by Samuel L. Jackson is hilarious.

Anyways, as ya'll know there's nothing I desire more than tons of money in exchange for minimal work, so I've gone and written my own version, called "Eat your fucking food." I have uploaded it as an e-book at Amazon Kindle in the US, where it costs $1.99 for yanks and $3.99 for Norwegians and heaven knows how much for others, I guess it all depends on where you're browsing from.

Most Norwegians would probably like to order it (I know I am blatantly assuming that most Norwegians would, in fact, want to order it at all) from the German version of Amazon, where it'll set you back €1.60 - sumfin' like NOK 13. As far as I can tell the Kraut version caters to most of the rest of the European market as well. Iffin yer in Engerland or Scotland, the book is also avaliable at the UK Amazon at a converted rate, but only for UK customers. Splendid isolation my ass.

It's 17 stanzas of foul-mouthed fun. Every single stanza contains one end rhyme (legal guarantee!) and it even has two more stanzas than "Go the fuck to sleep" so that's 13% more content. No pretty drawings though, but you prolly wouldn't be able to see them very well on a kindle anyways. Or so I hope.

The book is made of 100% recycled electrons, so you purchasing this book will allow one rare, multicolored frog in the rainforests of Cameroon to live appx. five minutes longer than it otherwise would have. So go ahead and buy, buy, buy! Think of it as buying yer old (or new, as the case may be) pal a cup of coffee - or, knowing me, hot chocolate and a small apple tart on the side. With cream. Anyways, when I'm rich and famous I'll buy you one back, pwomise! (Not a legal guarantee!)

Quote of the Day

It's more fun writing bad books than reading good ones.
- Werner Lansburgh

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Quote of the Day

‘Tis strange - but true; for truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.
- Lord Byron

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Quote of the Day

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
- Elayne Boosler

Monday, June 27, 2011

Quote of the Day

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
- Frank Sinatra

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Quote of the Day

There are many methods for predicting the future. For example, you can read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls. Collectively, these methods are known as 'nutty methods.' Or you can put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer models, more commonly referred to as "a complete waste of time".
- Scott Adams

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Quote of the Day

A:>hello
bad command or file name
A:>help
bad command or file name
A:>do something!
bad command or file name
A:> F#$k you!!!!
bad command or file name, A#% hole
- Dave Barry, (from "Dave Barry in Cyberspace")

Friday, June 24, 2011

Quote of the Day

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
- Charlie McCarthy

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Quote of the Day

Ish at the US Embassy's early 4th of July bash today... wheeee!

We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal and independent; that from that equal creation they derive rights inherent and inalienable, among which are the preservation of life, and liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; that to secure these ends, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just power from the consent of the governed; that whenever any form of government shall become destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying it's foundation on such principles and organizing it's power in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.
- Thomas Jefferson, original draft of The Declaration of Independence

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Quote of the Day

Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if you run out of food.
- Dean McLaughlin

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Quote of the Day

Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours.
- Frank Colby

Monday, June 20, 2011

Quote of the Day

A thing of beauty is a joy forever.
- John Keats

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Quote of the Day

God made his only son die on the cross to avenge his own anger against a man and woman four thousand years dead. Besides, the garbage disposal was sending radio signals through his head and it seemed like a really good idea at the time.
- Charles Fiterman

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Quote of the Day

I am not over-fond of resisting temptation.
- William Beckford

Friday, June 17, 2011

Silence of the lamb

I live in a house surrounded by fields on appx 2.5 sides, fields where sheep graze for several months every year. As sure as these dirty-white little fluffballs will keep me awake at all hours of the night with their incessant meeeehing, every damn year some of 'em will escape through a hole in the fence or crawl under it (or simply levitate over, I have no idea how they manage to escape sometimes).

When I came home from what I laughingly refer to as "work" this afternoon, a ewe with a lamb had managed to get out and were at first slumbering peacefully in the garage, safely snuggled up out of the rain. Later they went around the garden, stuffing their little snouts on the... ahem... pristine pastures of uncut weeds grass, where I managed to get some pics of 'em. Enjoy... they sure did!

Ma went for the tall grass while the lil' one decided to check out the bushes by the tree.
SANY0002

After two seconds he was stuffing his face with green leaves.
SANY0003

SANY0005

He was even gnawing on the bark of the tree. Greedy lil' bastard!
SANY0007

Meanwhile, Mother was sniffing the flowers and chewing grass.
SANY0008

Having finished with the flowers, Mother turned her attention to the plants.
SANY0009

Quote of the Day

The most pernicious of absurdities is that weak, blind, stupid faith is better than the constant practice of every human virtue.
- Walter Savage Landor

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Quote of the Day

I was external examiner today at another school...

I felt this incredible surge of power, like God must feel when he's holding a gun.
- Homer Simpson

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Quote of the Day

The greatest masterpieces were once only pigments on a palette.
- Henry S. Haskins

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Quote of the Day

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
- Scott Adams

Monday, June 13, 2011

Quote of the Day

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.
- Winston Churchill

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Quote of the Day

Universal deities... never seem to smile. Not in any culture. What’s the point of having omnipotence if you don’t enjoy it?
- Jack McDevitt

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Quote of the Day

Money is a strange thing. It ranks with love as our greatest source of joy, and with death as our greatest source of anxiety.
- Joe Moore

Friday, June 10, 2011

Quote of the Day

A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on.
- William S. Burroughs

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Quote of the Day

I do most of my work sitting down, that’s where I shine.
- Robert Benchley

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Weiner II

Since Congressman Weiner's nekkid chest has ben splattered all over the internets, I think it's only fair that I come clean with full disclosure too!

This picture looks like:

1) Some hairy animal died a horrible death on someone's puny chest...
2) The latest in fur fashon from the Alabama Company of Assorted Dead Critters...
3) The chest of this blog's author...
4) All of the above...

SANY0001

Quote of the Day

A gentleman will not insult me, and no man not a gentleman can insult me.
- Frederick Douglass

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Quote of the Day

Everything comes to those who wait... except a cat.
- Mario Andretti

Monday, June 6, 2011

Quote of the Day

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
- Robert F. Kennedy

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Quote of the Day

If there were less sympathy in the world, there would be less trouble in the world.
- Oscar Wilde

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Quote of the Day

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
- Oscar Wilde

Friday, June 3, 2011

Quote of the Day

Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success.
- Oscar Wilde

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Quote of the Day

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Quote of the Day

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
- Oscar Wilde