A day trip back home

Saturday 13th, I drove down to my old hometown of Hønefoss, to stuff face with some old friends and to witness my brother hollering at an outside pizza restaurant right next to the building my grandparents owned when I was little. To the best of my knowledge, it still carries my family name.

My old friend Per Magnus and his magnificent girlfriend, Nui. They met at a shooting competition in Thailand a couple of years back and she's temporarily stuck in Norway due to the corona crisis. She keeps busy feeding him all this yummy Thai food and I can only look on in silent despair at their Facebook posts. Mmmmmm, Thai food.


This picture was taken at 11:15PM Saturday night. That big ole building is my old elementary school, where I attended 3rd through 6th grade (this was back when the compulsory part of school was only nine years in Norway). The school is closing this year, although they may use it next year too iffin the corona virus is still a threat. Look at how LIGHT it is...


This pic was taken on the road back to Dokka just past midnight. I love Norwegian summer nights.

Family and associated rubble

You'll have a better understanding of why I am the psychotic wreck I am after viewing these pictures.

My brother, looking retarded as usual.


My brother's girlfriend, Kaew.


My uncle, also looking his usual, retarded self.


My uncle's girlfriend, Olivia.

Thailand: Coming home

As an addendum to his crazy Thailand trip, let me close with this message from my lucky slob of a brother after he'd landed in Oslo:

Monday Jan 29, 2:09PM:
Wow. It's cold in just flipflops and a Hawaiian shirt here at the airport.
Idea for use of the petroleum fund: Norway buys Thailand and moves there.
All of us.
Before the weekend.

The last messages from Thailand

Sunday January 28, 08:46AM:
Well you can sit there and bitch & complain about -13 degrees (=8F), but we've been waiting for almost TEN minutes now to get our drinks and lobsters delivered to the pool. So nobody here feels THAT sorry for you.

Sunday January 28, 12:31PM:
Well, well... it's all over for now, hope you've enjoyed the travel reports. One last story: When we checked out of the hotel, I was mysteriously refered to as "Mister Beyond" on the bill. I wondered about this until our local Norwegian contact, named Bjørn-Tore, came to pick us up and was greeted thusly by the receptionist: "Hello Mistel Beyond-Tole!".

Yet more from Thailand

Saturday Jan 27, 10:03AM:
God damn! The last thing I remember was some Thai construction boss yelling "Coyote Ugly gleat movie" while ordering eight 16-year old girls in mini-skirts up on the stage.
Warm whiskey by the gallon. My psycho driver apparently drove us home. Drunk. They found him sleeping behind the wheel, out in a field.
Afraid, now. Hope I'm not married.

Saturday Jan 27, 11:49AM:
"No dogpets or sea animals allowed in room".
Damn it! I don't know who got caught with a walrus, two poodles and a penguin, causing the hotel to put up this sign - but I bet he was German!

More texts from Thailand

Some new text messages from my lucky slob of a brother in Thailand:

Friday Jan 26, 4:16PM:
Drunk, now.
Thai-party in the countryside.
Down here, nobody knows you're not supposed to eat the yellow snow.
Strange to think about.
*hiccup*

Friday Jan 26, 5:27PM:
Uh-oh. Outdoors party in the countryside.
Have just performed for 300 Thais... "Hotel California" with a band.
Received marriage offers from five women and two men.
Afraid now. Very afraid.

Taxi Dlivel

My lucky slob of a brother has landed himself a plum photo assignment, and is currently in Thailand on a week of all-expenses-paid fun in the sun. Here is a quick sampling of some of the text messages I've received this week, slightly edited for you poor, wretched non-Norwegians out there:


Tuesday Jan 23, 05:54AM:
Wow. Thais are lazy, it seems. They take the moped just to cross the street. And the guy who's trying to drive me around in Hua Hin can't even be bothered to use the indicator, much less break. Or turn. I think he may have lost the will to live actually. But the weather's nice.

Wednesday Jan 24, 11:17AM:
Driving a car again, now. Cheerful driver. He's looking forward to his confirmation. Wishes for a driver's license. He weighs at least a hundred pounds, including gold tooth, pencil mustache and white stick. He drives just like we do back in Norway - while the rest of Thailand drives on the left. Great. I'll probably have to threaten him with sex to make him stop. Wish me luck.

Wednesday Jan 24, 6:54PM:
"Kontli looooooooads, teke hoooooooooam
Tuvi paaaaaaace, ah bijooooooooooooooam"
So THAT'S how the song went... Clever, this John Denver guy. Thai, apparently.
But the very best thing about Thai music is that it feels so good when it stops. *hiccup*

Wednesday Jan 24, 10:51PM:
"Retard: Cultural learnings of Thailand for make benefit glorious nation of Norway". Heppy times! High five! *hiccup*

Thursday Jan 25, 8:42AM:
"Hello! I'm youl dlivel!!! What? I dlive you CLAZY? Haha, good joke! Sil? Mistel X? Why you clying? Me dlive vely nice! Why you close eyes? Ok, I close eyes too! Take nap while dliving. No ploblem! Good fol me, good fol you... zzzzz..."
*Background noise of sirens and a grown man crying*

Thursday Jan 25, 4:53PM:
"Ok, mistel X. Hele is place fol buy big stick! Why you want to buy... ow! OUCH! Me dlive caleful now! Ow! Plomise! Ouch!"

Friday Jan 26, 9:00PM:
In the jungle now. Silence. A monkey screams. Sun through the branches. A car is approaching on a dusty road... "kwang jin tao jong pnam HOTEL CAAAALIFOLNIA..." Silence again, except for my low sobbing.

Friday Jan 26, 09:42AM:
Crying now. It turns out that my weak-eyed, prepubescent "dlivel" has his own business card. Do you know what it says? "Save your life if go with me". Below is a drawing of a guy in a racing car, with a helmet on...

Friday Jan 26, 12:17PM
"TAXI and elephant show" reads the sign in the reception. Yes, how often hasn't one stood in a taxi line, gulping gin at 4AM and longed for a little trunk fun.

Friday Jan 26, 2:08PM:
I'm hungry. "Driver, stop at gas station".
He's wondering. "Plenty gas, Mistel X! Why?"
"Because. Now stop or I make sexy time on you! I'm hungry!"
He gawps. "You EAT gasoline?"
They don't do fast food outlets here.