Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I can haz cheezburger?

I thought it would be a fitting caption to these pictures of various popes, emperors and deities... enjoy!

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How to make friends

Bosnian girl with marks all over her face: I was painting and I got some on me and I just can't get it off.
Me: I thought you just had the plague.

Me to five hot Brazilian babes in the hotel bar: So you're from Brazil... hey, we BEAT you guys at soccer! TWICE! Loooooooooooooooosers! (insert fingerpointing and victory dance)

Random stuff from Prague

* I love this city. Sadly, I have done almost none of the things I had planned, largely because I've been up all night talking with guests, staff and friends of the staff. I've had an absolute blast, so much in fact that I've missed two out of four breakfasts. Not bad considering breakfast is served till 11am here... I've made new friends here, and last night my Ukrainian friends came in from Kiev and we're hoping to do something together for New Year's Eve.

* I absofuckinlutely hate Germans. They are they most inconsiderate, loud, borish fuckers on this sad planet and if I'm disturbed from my peaceful slumber by one of them again tonight I may spend the rest of my days in a Czech prison on multiple homicide convictions. Then again, this being the Czechs they just might acquit me.

* The food here is good, cheap and plentiful. They do deliciously naughty things to beef and pork without intruding upon sweet, sweet, burned, dead animals with too much dreadful greenery.

* I hate Germans.

* Speaking of animals, they had a couple of donkeys in a corral down at Old Town Square today, presumably to amuse children by letting them pet the furry fuckers. They wouldn't have any of it however, and fixed the tourists with that universal animal stare that says "if you're not going to feed me, you can fuck off".

* Did I mention I hate Germans?

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Absurd theater

Let me tell you this: You haven't really lived until you've watched thirty drunk Khirgistanis bopping around to what sounds like Russian 80's pop music. This is the beauty of staying in a European hostel, you met all sorts of people. Today I've discussed traffic laws with a Bulgarian shipping engineer who spoke maybe twenty words of English, but was quite good at Dutch, which I don't speak... I've talked to a bunch of Lithuanians - mainly in German, which is another language I don't speak... It's amazing how far you get with a bit of improvising and sign language and various half-assed pidgin varieties. Still, good fun!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Rome VI

Postscript for Rome... leaving for the airport in an hour.

As mentioned before my hotel, The Milo, isn't bad for its price, not considering this is Rome. Still I'd appreciate it if the fuckin greaseballs could at least refrain from making loud noises in the wee hours of the morning, and for that matter refrain from making loud phone calls and having loud conversations right outside my door at all hours. My world would be near perfect if the noisy greaseball family in the room next door would then stop entertaining their hollering children until 2am. Much obliged.

The farce that is Italian organization (or rather the lack thereof) continued at check out. I'd stayed at the Milo for seven nights, but the payment for one night had been withdrawn from my bank account as far back as late October. However, when I came down to pay, I was presented with a bill for just FIVE nights. Being a staunch capitalist I naturally observed the contractual obligations of a moral actor in the free market and pointed out that this was one night too little. The staff then spent the next 20 minutes looking through their files for the credit card statement that showed I had paid for that first night. I swear, Italians try my patience, really they do. If it wasn't for that sweet, sweet ice cream and those wonderful museums... *sigh*

Anyways, off to Prague! Keep watching this space!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Rome V

Ugh. I've had about all I can take of Italy now... their loud, theatrical behavior is grinding on my nerves and as usual holidaying in continental Europe reminds me of how much I love Britain and the US. Still, it was nice to see the sights again and to sample that divine Italian ice cream.

I'm heading to Prague Friday afternoon and I'm looking forward to it; it's the purdiest city I've ever been to and it's cheaper and more sane than Rome.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Rome IV

Today I took the subway to see Castel St Angelo, a huge building just outside the Vatican. It was originally built as a mausoleum for the emperor Hadrian, but has subsequently been rebuilt and used for various purposes by the papacy. It has a terrrace with incredible views of the city, but for its size the actual space devoted to exhibits and such is surprisingly and disappointingly small, especially at 11 effin Euro for the admission. They have a little cafe with great views and I can highly recommend the lemon tart with a cup of hot chocolate, if you have €9.50 to spare (told ya it's expensive).

I then walked to the Palazzo Altemps, which is a part of the National Museum of Rome (like the Palazzo Massimo and the Baths of Diocletian). It's better than the Baths but nowhere near as good as the Massimo. Also, the entrance is very poorly marked (hint: it's the door in the corner). I took a lot of pics both at St Angelo and the Altemps, and I will post them eventually.

Afterwards I walked to the Piazza Navona, which is still the tackiest place in Rome, where tacky people sell tacky souvenirs from tacky bodegas to tacky tourists, all in one of the most beautiful public squares in the world. Ugh. Afterwards I walked over to the Trevi fountain by way of the Pantheon (which I love except for the present day Papal occupation of an otherwise wonderful symbol of Roman religious tolerance).

Tonight I again had a highly mediocre lasagne dinner, accompanied by my russkie friend Olga. She confirmed a lot of my thoughts about Italy and the Italians, such as the fact that they love tackiness, that they can't make Italian food very well, and that they are, to the foreign mind, clinically insane. We also agreed that they were still much preferable to the French.

Not sure where to go and what to do tomorrow. Still need to see the Trastevere area, so maybe I'll take the subway there and go for a walk. Tata, fans!

Update: I almost forgot... HAPPY FESTIVUS!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Rome III

Today I've been a good boy and walked for several hours. I had plans to see the Colosseum and then the Palatine, but when I came down there I decided to drop it (partially because they'd changed the entry point to the Palatine and I couldn't be bothered with the extra climbing). So I walked on south, took in the open space that was once the Circus Maximus and then turned east to the 3rd century Baths of Caracalla. This was a place I hadn't really heard of before, but it was quite a nice place - absolutely huge in size and with some interesting remnants (pics will follow... eventually).

I then walked all the effin way back to Termini and beyond, to have lunch at the Eritrean place. Sadly they were closed today (a surprising number of places are closed on Mondays here) so I had a highly mediocre pizza at a place close by. This is my fourth proper visit to Italy and I've stuffed my face in cities big and small over a large part of the country. I therefore feel qualified to prounounce this surprising but nonetheless true judgement on the Italian cuisine: It's much better outside Italy. Their pizzas are mediocre at best, and they tend to put strange shit on it. Their pasta is often bland and dry. They even manage to fuck up lasagna, and that's actually quite a feat.

In their defense, I've yet to see a single ethnic Italian working in any of the kitchens here in Rome, and I suspect there's a similar lack of locals in most of the restaurants in the bigger cities. The one thing they still get right is their ice cream, though. It's sorbet-like in texture and some of the flavors are simply divine (my personal favorite is to mix strawberry and lemon).

Tomorrow I'm planning a quick trip to see the parts of Terme Dioclezian I didn't get to see Sunday, and then I'll take a bus to the Vatican to see Castel St Angelo and the Palazzo Altemps. Keep watching this space, bitches!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Rome II

As usual I haven't done half the stuff I'd planned to do, but such is the nature of holidays. I'm staying at The Milo hotel near the Termini train station, which is quite a noisy and somewhat shabby area. It's not a bad hotel for its price class, but almost every time I travel in Europe I'm struck by how much lower the value for money is here compared to the US.

I've been quite late for breakfast both days now, and I don't know if that's the reason, but the only stuff in the dining room is so high on carbs I can feel my diabetes perking up as soon as I enter. White bread, jam, chocolate, Danish pastry... this is the "selection" (or lack thereof) on offer.

Saturday I met up with a Russian student I've been talking to online, who's studying in Rome. We had lunch and talked for a while before going for a walk around the Termini area and then down towards the Colosseum. We ended up at the Basilica of St Clemente, one of the very few Christian places I would want to set foot in, largely because of the un-Christian stuff below ground. Beneath the present 12th century church is another church, probably 4th century, and even further down is the remains of a 1st century Mithra temple, and probably even older dwellings (the excavations are ongoing). It's quite an interesting place, and my Russkie friend was very happy when she discovered that it was the supposed resting place of one Saint Cyril, one of a pair of brothers credited (or blamed, as I would have it) for bringing Christianity to the Slavs. They also devised the forerunner to the present Cyrillic alphabet.

While there we struck up a conversation with a couple of young Bulgarian girls, who seemed thrilled at the opportunity to give a lecture about their country's history. As they clearly pegged me for a yank I let them drone on; I always become strangely magnanimous with people who think I'm a native English speaker (yes, I have an ego).

I've had another lazy day today - first I spent a couple of hours at the wonderful Palazzo Massimo al Terme, which is a part of the National Museum of Rome. They have an interesting collection of ancient coins in the basement, with lots of good information on the political and social importance of coinage throughout history. Seems even the old Romans fiddled with stuff like price controls and interest rate controls. Long story short: It didn't work back then either; price controls simply took products off the market. You'd think we'd have learned by now. On the three upper floors there are tons of statues and busts and frescoes and such, many of them really interesting, especially some of the ancient wall paintings.

Later I felt adventurous enough to take the advice of my guide book and lunch at an Eritrean restaurant just north of Termini. It's called "Africa", which is not very original, but the food was delicious if a tad spicy for my pale, Scandinavian self. The meat was juicy and tasty and was served with some kind of mild, pleasant bean stew and a type of African leavened bread which looked like a cross between a crepe and a sponge. There were also a couple of small bowls of spicy sauce on the side, but a quick taste revealed these to be of the kind that would most likely have burned their way through my intestines within minutes.

After lunch I strolled around the Baths of Diocletian, which is also part of the National Museum. I'd bought a three-day ticket that grants access to both, pluss the Palazzo Altemps, which I plan to visit Tuesday. I didn't spend much time in the Baths, so I'll probably head back there too.

Not sure what to do with myself Monday, but since a lot of museums are closed my options are limited. Colosseum and the Palatine prolly. Watch this space!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Rome I

Some quick observations from my first 24 hours in Rome...
1) There's no place like an airport (or indeed an airplane) to confirm my belief that 99% of all humans are raving, ranting, slobbering idiots. The inability to comprehend even the simplest instructions or procedures to smoothen various processes from check in to security to ordering something from the airplane food trolley boggles the mind. Five minutes at an airport and you'll realize what a miracle it is that our civilization ever progressed beyond the hunter-gatherer phase.

2) The first sound I heard when exiting the train station at Roma Termini? Angry, drawn-out honking from dozens of cars. It's the unofficial Italian national anthem, and there's nothing like it to say "welcome to Rome". It's somewhat less amusing when it goes on well into the middle of the night and you're trying to sleep though.

3) It should be legal to execute - on the spot - people who talk loudly in hotel corridors after midnight. Italians are a noisy breed at the best of times and their antics can be tolerated, even seen as charming in small doses. But hollering at the top of your lungs in a hotel at 3 am should be a capital offense everywhere.

4) It's still good to be back. I like Rome, warts and all. It has a charm, an atmosphere and a pace that quickly gets to you in a good way. Friday and today have been quite lazy, but I'm looking forward to a lot of sightseeing in the coming days. Watch this space!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Scalped

I was almost scalped today. I teach a hairdresser class, and one of the perks is that I get free haircuts. Sadly, today one of my pupils made a mistake with the machine and left a very visible bald streak (yes, I still have a teensy weensy bit of hair on top) and the best solution was to cut everything equally short. I'm not completely bald, but the hairs are very, very short. JUST what I needed before going to Rome... On the bright side I got a very pleasant head massage for my troubles.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Tentative schedule for Rome

Friday 12/19:
* Palazzo Massimo al terme - mainly ancient sculptures. The museum is very close to my hotel and is open till 7:45 PM so I hope to be able to put in a couple of hours here.

Saturday 12/20:
* San Clemente - a famous 12th century church with several layers of archaeological excavations under it.
* Domus Aurea - Nero's old palace. Walk around the area, see if it's possible to get in to any of it (they keep opening and closing the place due to security concerns).
* Capitol - The museums of the Capitoline Hill.
* Victor Emmanuel Monument - If I have the time and can be bothered I'll climb the huge monument to get a good view of the city.

Sunday 12/21:
* Ostia Antica - Day trip to the port city of ancient Rome.

Monday 12/22:
* Colosseum - Been there before, but it's so good you can't miss it when in Rome.
* Palatine Hill - Site of (the ruins of) several imperial palaces.
* Forum Romanum - The original city square of the ancient Romans.

Tuesday 12/23:
* Terme de Diocleziano - The baths of emperor Diocletian.
* Villa Borghese - Art collections and a huge ass public park.

Wednesday 12/24:
* Castel Sant'Angelo - Originally a 2nd century mausoleum for emperor Hadrian, since expanded by numerous popes and kings into a huge fortress.
* Palazzo Altemps - Largely sculptures, including the famous "Dying Gaul" (and who wouldn't want to see a dying froggie?)
* Piazza Navona - I'm giving this place one more chance. Last time it was filled with tacky bodegas selling various junk made in China. Ugh.
* Pantheon - Hadrian's 2nd century reconstruction of the by then destroyed monument by Marcus Agrippa.

Thursday 12/25:
* Trastevere - All the museums will be closed this day, so weather permitting I'll spend the day trudging around this cozy district.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

More xmas travels

As previously mentioned I'm challenging fate by ordering a trip during Christmas (I always seem to come down with something when I do). Now I've upped the stakes by expanding my plans. I'm still flying to Rome Dec 19, but instead of flying home on the 26th I'm flying to Prague, which may very well be the purdiest city in the world. I'm flying home Jan 1. In Prague I'll be hooking up with my Ukrainian friend Nata, who's there with her boyfriend (I think their trip overlaps mine by 3 days). Ya'll are warned!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Paranoia

Paranoia is on the rise, according to this article from Associated Press. Some excerpts:

"Paranoia is defined as the exaggerated or unfounded fear that others are trying to hurt you. That includes thoughts that other people are trying to upset or annoy you, for example, by staring, laughing, or making unfriendly gestures.

Surveys of several thousands of people in Britain, the United States and elsewhere have found that rates of paranoia are slowly rising, although researchers' estimates of how many of us have paranoid thoughts varies widely, from 5 percent to 50 percent."

Personally I find it most likely that the main reason for this development is that more people are actual assholes, and that this "paranoia" is largely based on a rational evaluation. I know for a fact YOU people are out to get me all the time, so I'm not surprised others reach the same conclusion. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to curl up under my desk with a tin foil hat, a shotgun and a comfort blanket until the voices tell me it's safe to come out again.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Thursday, November 6, 2008

It's a strange world out there

When boredom gets me I sometimes use the random blog function at the top of the page to surf around and see what's out there on blogspot. The general impression is "not a whole fuckin lotta' anything". Most blogs are of no interest whatsofuckinever, they're borrrring family update stuff for grandparents, silly teenage girl pages with pink backgrounds and poorly concealed ad pages for mortgages or viagra. You get the picture.

Some other observations: More and more blogs are in languages other than English. Chiefly Spanish (ugh) but even the frogs seem to be worming their way into the blogosphere these days and that sucks. In the 90s I had sweet, sweet visions of the internet(s) as a tool to trample all other languages under the mighty heel of English, but alas it was not to be. Another observation: People who put pop-ups and automatic music and/or videos on their pages must die slow and horrible deaths.

Anyway, there are so many blogs out there that once in a while you're bound to happen upon some good stuff. Allow me to introduce:

* Japanese priority seat signs. I don't know if these are real, but they made me snort. There's more funny shit on that page.

* Some nice pics on the blog of this Russkie in Riga.

* This looks like some kind of tourist blog for Angola, but I don't speak Portuguese so I can't say for sure. Lots of good pics anyway.

* FINALLY, another Scandinavian blogging in English. Nice images from lovely Denmark. Click on her profile, she has more nice photo pages.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Challenging fate again

I've gone and ordered a trip again, knowing full well that the chances are better than even I'll come down with something nasty. This time I'm planning on fleeing family Christmas here in Norway in favor of a week in The Eternal City. I'll fly out Friday Dec 19 and return Friday Dec 26. Anyone wanna join, gimme a holler!

Friends

I bought the complete set of Friends this spring, and yesterday I finally saw the last (double) episode. It was the saddest thing since... well, since the last time I saw it. It brought home to me just how much I loved that show, and how much I still miss it. Ten seasons of such quality is an incredible achievement, and I just hope they will keep showing the reruns often. Future generations deserve to share in this bunch who have given so much joy and laughter to the world (which, for once includes yours truly...). *sniffle*

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Scotland VII: The rest

Thursday I drove down from Stirling towards Prestwick, whence I would fly out Saturday. On the way I made a stop at Dundonald Castle, which is mostly a ruin today. There have been fortified settlements on this hillside for thousands of years, including several castles belonging to local kings and later the Stewarts and then local notables again. The most interesting thing about it is actually the very well made display in the visitor centre. Highly informative with good visuals, while the structure itself is really just one big room, and some rubble. Yawn.

Dundonald castle
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I like this pic...
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After Dundonald I drove north to Largs, intending to see a Viking centre I'd been told about at Dundonald. However I was immediately put off by the fact that the centre was located in some kind of mall-like training and health resort thingy, also they only let people in in batches every hour, and it was now 45 mins till the next show started. I left quietly and on the way out of town I now noticed several shops and eating places selling horned plastic helmets and advertising junk food with huge, glossy viking-related promotion materials of various kinds. It was all tacky in the extreme, and completely put me off having lunch there (which I'd originally planned).

Friday was another lazy day. I drove about an hour south of Ayr, to the little town of Girvan, where I had a very, very good lunch at a restaurant called The Kings. I highly recommend their 21-day primed fillet, it's yummy. I also got in a few pics of the surroundings, it's quite a nice stretch of land south from Girvan. In the evening I had an exquisite dinner at a Chinese restaurant in Ayr called Ruby.

Ailsa Craig, the effin huge rock that sits about ten miles out at sea outside Girvan. In the background you can barely make out the Island of Arran to the right and Mull of Kintyre to the left.
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That faint outline of land way out there is Ireland (my cam is crap, it was much easier to spot with my bare eyes).
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Soooo... it's Saturday morning and I'm checking out of my hotel in ten minutes. I don't want to go home. I don't want to go back to Norway and to the class room. I texted some colleagues yesterday that I was planning on fleeing up into the Highlands to live on berries and tourists, but for some reason they found this highly unlikely. Still, I've come to enjoy Scotland the more every time I'm here and I find I can't wait to come back.

I'm no awa ta bide awa; Alba, cruit mo chridhe.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Scotland VI: Jamming

Wednesday evening I went up to the Settle Inn, Stirling's oldest pub (1733). Coming down from the castle earlier that day I'd spotted a sign promising live music from 9PM, so I was there around 8, to grab me a good spot. Around 8:45 the first musicians started to arrive, and I figured the first 3-4 to be the band members. Luckily, I had misunderstood the setting; this was no mere band performance but a weekly jamming session with local musicians.

During the night I think almost 20 people must have been playing something, and the rest of the crowd were happily singing along, stomping their feet and clapping their hands. It was folk music heaven and as authentic as you can get it. Five or six fiddlers playing at a time, one or two putting down their instruments in the middle of the tune to take a sip of beer... that kind of gathering.

Some of you know that I like to sing, and that my voice ain't too shabby. For the first hour or so they were mainly playing Scottish stuff I'd never heard of or at least didn't know the words to. As I was sitting there, pondering what tunes I might sing along to,one of the women started in with the Irish ballad "The Fields of Athenry", one of my favorites. I chimed in with my best barytone, and when we were done I noticed several of the musicians pointing, nodding and talking amongst themselves.

A few minutes later, one of the women asked me if I wanted to sing a song; I said maybe later (I was still trying to come up with appropriate tunes I actually knew), but some of the guys fixed me with a grin and said "yer noo gettin oot'a here until ye sing us one"... At that moment some guy (I think he was French) asked the question of the evening: "Do you know a song that starts danny boy, danny boy..." When the laughter and shouts of "never heard it before" had died down, he started playing and humming it, while I put on my most operatic voice and did a pretty damn good rendering I'm happy to say. Afterwards several of the musicians actually asked me if I sang professionally! (They also thought I was American, another bonus).

Later, towards the end, when the session was breaking up, I also got so sing a tune none of them knew, called "Sgt McKenzie" (some of you may have heard it used in Mel Gibson's Vietnam war movie We were soldiers). Another success, and we rounded it off with me leading a singalong of the old tune " The Bonnie Ship the Diamond". A wonderful night of great music, great fun and great companionship. I'm definitely going back there some day, and if you should ever happen to be in Stirling on a Wednesday night, do visit the Settle Inn and say a warm hello from the Norwegian with the American accent.

Scotland V: Your mother was a hamster

After Stirling Castle I drove up north to the cozy little village of Doune, where lies the castle of the same name. This was used as a hunting lodge and rural retreat for the royal family when they wanted to get away from the hustle and bustle of Edinburgh or Stirling. Doune Castle is quite a nice place; don't be fooled by the apparent state of disrepair and ruin that meets you when you come inside the courtyard, there's plenty to see inside. Its main claim to fame these days, and the reason I felt I was walking on hallowed ground, is that this is where most of the castle scenes in Monty Python's Holy Grail were filmed.

This is the Great Hall - where they shot the insane Knights of the round table dancing scene:
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Lord's Hall, the more private place the royals would entertain guests.
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View of the village. You can climb all the way to the roof, and I just loved how the structure is full of winding stairs, little rooms, narrow hallways, etc. Makes it fun to explore and also gives the castle the impression of being larger than it really is.
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This is where the outdoors scene in the Swamp castle took place.
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In addition to Swamp castle and Camelot, Doune castle was also used for the Tempting of Sir Galahad, and the famous taunting by the French knights (and the subsequent Trojan rabbit scenes). The Holy Grail was shot on a very small budget, and they had to film the place from different angles to make it look like different castles. In the gift shop they have a scrapbook with lots of Python-related materials, and apparently they also have coconuts you can rent if you wish to reenact the opening scene.

Scotland IV: Stirling Castle

Wednesday was probably my best day ever in Scotland, and possibly one of the top ten days of my entire, miserable little life. I started out by driving up to the Castle again, and this time the weather was quite nice; windy but sunny.

Walking along the side of the parking lot to get a picture of the adjacent graveyard and pyramid I was accosted by a young French couple who asked me what the pyramid was for. These were fairly young frogs, no more than 20, yet their English was delightfully atrocious, almost a parody of how the French are supposed to speak it. At least they provided me with some entertainment at the start of my day. The pyramid by the way was built by some religious lunatic in the 19th century who'd made a fortune from selling religious tracts at a penny a piece. It was built in remembrance of all who have died in the battle for religious freedom (whether this includes all those poor fuckers persecuted because of the very existence of religion I strongly doubt). Inside the structure there is reportedly a bible buried.

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On the other side of the parking lot there's a statue of Robert the Bruce, who kicked out the English and leveled the original Stirling Castle to the ground so that it could never again be used against the Scots.

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Some years after The Bruce's death it occurred to the then Scottish king that persnaps the castle might be used against the English, so they rebuilt it. Yes, this is somewhat typical of Scotland. I also found it wonderful that the church right next to the castle is known as The Holy Rude, because if anyone can mix bible thumping with profanity, it's the Scots. Sadly, rude in this case has the same meaning as in rood (see Holyrood) and simply means cross.

I'm not going to repeat everything I learned about the castle. Suffice it to say that it has some very nice buildings, and you can learn a lot from walking around here, which I happily did for a couple of hours. You can see all of the pictures here, but I'm enclosing a few, with some commentary.

The Great Hall, built in the early 1500s. Note the bright color (known as King's Gold), which some may find tacky and jarring with the rest of the castle. Bear in mind, then that this is how the whole castle looked back in the day. It was intended to shine and send a signal to the world about the King's wealth and power and apparently it could be seen from as far away as Edinburgh. The interior is great, and there were thrown some pretty wild parties in there (but for these stories you'll have to visit, neener, neener):
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There are tons of statues, gargoyles etc on the outside walls and some are of historic interest. One statue is of James V himself (he was the father of Mary, Queen of Scots) portraying him as an ordinary citizen, but with a lion holding the crown above his head. Apparently the good James sincerely desired to be a wise and competent ruler, and would sometimes sneak out at night to go around in the taverns of the city to hear what the commoners were talking about. He might have done more than listening in, since he had at least nine illegitimate children that we know of. Another figure is shown throttling a snake; which is here meant as a symbol of the Catholic church, though this must be a later addition Protestant church, as James V was a devout Catholic - devout in the traditional sense that he'd pretty much kill anyone who disagreed with him.
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The subterranean kitchen wing is well worth a visit; great displays and much information. I learned one new thing; almost all the kitchen workers back then were men, not women.
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They say it's no use crying over spilt milk, but the imminent threat of a thorough beating might justify a sniffle or two.
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These mighty cannons blew Bonnie Prince Charles out of the water (figuratively speaking) when he laid siege to the castle in 1746.
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Some truly great views from the castle... across to the Wallace monument, looking down on the castle gardens (which were once the royal hunting grounds), northwest towards the highlands, east towards Edinburgh...
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There are several indoors exhibitions, there's a military museum for a highlander regiment, there's a tapestry workshop with displays, etc, etc. One of the main palace buildings is closed for extensive repairs and reconstruction, and will open in 2011 I think. This place was so worth a visit and I'll definitely come back often.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Scotland III: To Stirling

Monday was my last day in Kilchrenan, and I started by driving up the Hotel to say goodbye to Martha. I gave her the polished fossils as a gift for her and her fiance back in Warszaw and also told her to get in touch if they were ever in Norway. I then drove up to Ft William to buy some more loot at the gem shop (more cool fossils, metorites and onyx eggs) before driving to Stirling by way of my beloved A82 over Glencoe again.

Tuesday I drove up to Stirling Castle, which is every bit as good as the one in Edinburgh, and is run by Historic Scotland (of which I am a member). I was one of only two to show up for the guided tour that morning, and as the other guy was off on his cell phone half the time, I got a very exclusive treatment. I highly recommend taking such a tour, you learn a lot and the guides are knowledgeable and friendly. It was raining for most of the time, so I didn't take any pictures, figuring I'd come back the next day when the weather reports were looking better. Included in the ticket was a guided tour of a building known as Argyll's lodging, with the interior reconstructed to be that of a 17th century nobleman. Very interesting story and some magnificent furniture, etc to be seen.

As the weather improved I quickly drove up to the National Wallace Monument on the other side of the valley. The view is incredible from up there, and I climbed all the 246 steps to the top, a good 200 feet up. There are a few landings with various displays along the way up, you should take the time to stop and study them. I recommend you get one of the free audio guides from the front desk, they are very informative.

This sword alledgedly belonged to William Wallace, aka Braveheart. Judging from the size, he must have been a huge man in order to wield it - 6'6 I think the display said.
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One of the displays was a Hall of Heroes, with 20-sumfin busts of the great and good and audio bios. You can go here to see more, but my hero of choice is of course Adam Smith:
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View east from the top towards Edinburgh:
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Northwest towards the Highlands. The Battle of Stirling Bridge took place down on the fields.
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The Monument from the bottom of the hill:
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Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Scotland II: My precioussss

Sunday I spent most of the day driving again; this time up along the coast and then by ferry over to the peninsula at a place called Onich. Some nice scenery, but the roads out there were mainly single lane, which means that you have to take it slow, and it gets really taxing after the 20th sudden stop or so.

Close to Ft William I happened upon a museum called Treasures of the Earth. They have exhibitions on gems, mining, geology etc. I never went inside the actual museum, but they have a nice gift shop there with quite a few reasonably priced items. Ever attracted to shiny objects (it's the greedy capitalist pig gene in me) I lurked around the displays, and I can't be certain that I didn't whisper "preciousss" somewhere in there.

I bought a nice onyx egg as a small gift for my Scottish hosts' Swedish maid, who was 19 that day; a small piece of a meteorite (because they're cool) and two polished fossils about 350 million years old, intended for a friend of mine.

Afterwards I drove down to Glencoe and over the mountain to Tyndrum - that drive is just about my favorite in the whole world. Back at my lodgings I had a very good dinner, before popping down to the local pub with my hosts and the Swede to celebrate her 19th.

After they tucked in (shortly past 9 I think) I drove up to the Taynuilt Hotel again, to pester the locals once more. I had a splendid time talking to the staff all evening, I think it was past 1am before we finally closed up. They have some truly wonderful, friendly people working there, especially the bar manager, the formidable Martha. She's Polish but has been working there for over 3 years, but is (sadly for me and the hotel) going home to Poland later this year. She's simply one of the nicest people I've ever met and they will have a hard time filling her shoes.

The mountains, just before the Bridge of Orchy area (the lake is called Loch Tulla):
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McDuff, my hosts' Italian Spinoni dog was even larger than before. Fortunately, he's still just a big, furry ball of love and drool.
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Scotland I: The West

I know I promised more or less daily updates, but you'll have to settle for a bit less, dear reader(s). Let me begin this travelogue much in the same way as I did the one from this summer, by inviting you to join me in a prayer to the deity of your choice, this time asking for swift and merciless smiting of drunken airplane passengers. The smiting should take place AFTER the plane has come to a complete halt and the fasten seatbelt signs have been switched off, thank you very much.

Aaaaanyways. The car rental pickup was a much smoother process this time, probably due to Prestwick being a smaller airport and this not being the high season. Also, the woman behind the counter must have been born in the 20th century, unlike the one they had operating the desk in Edinburgh this summer. I spent Friday afternoon driving up to Kilchrenan, and in the evening I hung out and pestered the very nice people in the Taynuilt Hotel bar (again), both the workers and the customers.

I stayed up most the night to watch the 1st US presidential debate, so after breakfast Saturday I went back to sleep and got up again around 2PM. I spent the rest of the afternoon driving around in the area; first I drove out to Oban and took some pictures of the beaches there and sniffed in the familiar smell of seaweed. Then I drove south through some very nice scenery, but I just couldn't be bothered to take any pictures. I know, it sucks to be you. In the evening I hung out at the bar again, but only for an hour or so, as I was still exhausted from the previous night.

The beach just outside Oban:

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Saturday, September 20, 2008

Another Viking Raid

I know I risk jinxing this thing and coming down with a flu again, but I just had to gloat about my upcoming trip to Scotland. I'm flying to Prestwick on Friday, then I'll drive up to Kilchrenan for three nights at the wonderful Roineabhal Country House. I'll prolly go into Oban at some point, and also try to see some of the numerous ancient stone circles in the area. In the evenings I'll hang out with the very nice people in the bar at the Taynuilt Hotel. Monday I'm off to Stirling to see maybe the most historical area in all of Scotland, with Stirling Castle as the jewel in the crown. Three nights in that town before heading down to lovely Ayr for two nights... oh yessss... this is gonna be gooooood.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Why I rule

Much has been written recently about the start up of the new particle accelerator at CERN. Chicken little critics have argued that the new series of experiments risk creating black holes, which would then destroy our planet and kill all life.

Today, some of my less well informed pupils (meaning most of them) were chattering all through the early hours about this, and they were really winding each other up, despite my assurances that the only black hole they needed worry about was the one between their ears.

So at 9:30 European time, as they were cackling ever louder about their imminent demise, I quietly siddled down to the back corner of the room, where there's a large cupboard where the doors are ajar. Innocently I lifted my left leg. Then, at precisely 9:30 I kicked back, causing the doors to slam shut with a deafening bang. The desired effect was achieved as 20 teenagers screamed out in mortal terror. Needless to say, this has been my best workday by far this year.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Shit happens

Via Scott Adams I found this wonderful story I wanted to share with you:

"A powerful gust of wind recently swept a house-sized sculpture of dog feces from its display outside a Swiss museum, an art official in Berne said Monday ... The wind carried the work away, knocking down a power line and breaking a window at a nearby orphanage before falling to the ground about 200 metres from the centre."


It's at times like these I ponder the following theoretical conversation:

Fortune teller: 'Ten years from now, on a dark and stormy night, you will be chased by a giant, flying plastic dog turd".
Customer: "I want my money back".

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Woe is me

My wallet is weeping blood this month. Friday I broke off most of a tooth while cheerfully chewing candy in a movie theater, today I had the remains pulled. A new will be put in two weeks from now, and the whole ordeal will cost me over NOK 15,000 (almost $3,000). In addition I need to put my old wreck of a car through the biannual mandatory check-up by month's end and I fear it'll cost too much to repair it, in which case I'll need to buy a new (or rather less old) car.

Any rich women with poor eyesight and frail health out there?

Thursday, July 31, 2008

No' Awa' Tae Bide Awa'

This very evening I've booked a return flight with Ryanair to Glasgow Prestwick for September 26 - October 4. Not sure where I'll be going from there, but I think probably the area around Oban, such as Mull of Kintyre and some of the isles, maybe as far north as Skye. I'll also have to see if anyone's crazy enough to go with me this time... I guess it'll be that much harder now that they know what's waiting for them ( = merciless blogging w/pics).

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Scotland XVI: The Borders

Ok, final report from my trip, this one written from home... Sunday I drove from the lovely Lake District up to Selkirk in the Scottish Borders region. I spent two relatively lazy days here, and the only really touristy thing I did was to drive down to Hermitage Castle, a forbidding 14th century structure described by Radio Scotland as "the embodiment of the phrase 'sod off' in stone". It was central in the wars between Scotland and England and the longrunning Reiver conflicts of the late middle ages.

There's a tiny road leading from the A7 across some pretty wild landscape, with sheep and birds on all sides, including straight ahead. I had to stop several times to allow panicking sheep to calm down sufficiently to get on the side of the road instead of running around like headless chicken in the middle of it. I also encountered a large bird - probably a grouse - lying in the middle of the road. She slowly got up and jumped into the tall grass by the roadside, and I saw a couple of tiny, grey-brown balls of feather wobbling around in there. I didn't want to disturb them any further, so I resisted the urge to get out and take pics. Notch this one up as a rare victory for my better instincts.

The Hermitage is administered by Historic Scotland, so again I saved a few bucks on entry. Woo hoo!

No, that's not an entrance. It was, once upon a time, but it was sealed in the 16th century to protect the castle against artillery.

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This little door is now the only entrance.

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The interior. I'll say this in its favor: It was comfortably cool inside on an otherwise boiling summer day.

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The surrounding area looks a bit windswept, but also picturesque.


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Selkirk itself is a tiny place, with not much going on. It does have a very good Indian restaurant - I think it was called something like "taste of Spice", it's in the market square anyway. I recommend the duck. The hotel I stayed at was, much to my surprise, run by a Norwegian. The town is a good starting place for exploring the borders and bigger (and more expensive) places like Galashiels and Hawick are very close.

I've had a great three weeks driving around Scotland (and a few days in the north of England), and I higly recommend it as a holiday destination. I know I'll be back there frequently, and not just to get my money's worth on my £800 membership of Historic Scotland...