The future isn't what it used to be.
- Yogi Berra
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Quote of the Day
People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
- George Carlin
- George Carlin
Monday, December 27, 2010
Quote of the Day
Television is the first truly democratic culture - the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want. The most terrifying thing is what people do want.
- Clive Barnes
- Clive Barnes
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Quote of the Day
I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse.
- Isaac Asimov
- Isaac Asimov
Friday, December 24, 2010
Naples part II: How I almost died
No, dear reader, the title is not just fluff and exaggeration. I came closer to an early and untimely demise last night than ever before. Allow me to explain. The Lufthansa flight took off from Munich as scheduled, and was uneventful until we approached Naples. About 30 minutes out from Naples airport the plane went through some heavy turbulence but as we soon resumed smooth flying, I wasn't too worried. I am, after all, nothing if not a man of the world and I like to think I have seen my share of disturbances in the air. Don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff is what I say.
However when we came even closer to Naples, things really started to heat up, metaphorically speaking. The plane really started to shake and rattle, and it soon felt like I was on a rollercoaster, not in an airplane. We were flying through thick fog so I saw fuck all to orientate myself, which probably added to the increasing panic I was feeling.
After what felt like an eternity of this terror the plane picked up speed and started to gain height again. I noticed we seemed to be turning around and soon got a sneaking suspicion. Were we going to land in Rome instead? Were they keeping us, so to speak, in the dark in order to minimize the complaning? Possibly. Anyway, after quite a while the captain came on the air and hesitantly explained that the weather in Naples was so awful he wasn't going to try to land us there and that we had, indeed already started our landing procedure in Rome.
It was probably a good thing that we were still in the air, because a howl arose from all the greaseballs on the plane. Cries of "impossibile" and "incredibile" and the likes could be heard all around. Personally I thanked the powers that be that the plane was flown by Germans, who could be trusted to put the lives of their passengers ahead of any need to be home with Mama for a hearty dinner of meatballs and spaghetti. If we had flown Alitalia or some such airline I have no doubt the pilots would have gone in on a wing and a prayer at the risk of smashing us all against Vesuvius like a glass of spicy tomato sauce, if you pardon the mental image. As it was we landed smoothly and safe in Rome an hour late.
Things started to deteriorate rapidly once we got to Rome. First of all, as soon as the plane started to slow down, the Italians exploded into the midway, opening overhead compartments and taking out clothes, bags, little children and whatever else they had stowed away up there - long before the plane had "come to a complete halt and the captain had switched off the fasten seatbelt sign". They kept standing in the aisle for one hour straight, talking loudly on their cell phones and effectively blocking out the messages the captain was trying to convey over the loudspeakers.
Also, as soon as the plane landed we were under Italian "jurisdiction", and what I laughingly refer to as Italian organizing began. First we spent almost an hour waiting in the plane, on the tarmac. Then we were taken to the terminal, where about half of us got our luggage and the rest had to wait for two fuckin' hours before the greaseballs got their collective asses in gear. It never occurred to them that half a load of luggage wasn't going to do anyone any good, since we were all ultimately going to the same place and had to wait till the last person got his last measly bag of dirty underwear.
The scenery in the arrival hall was a classic study of different cultures. Being Norwegian, I was naturally stoic about things. I grumbled and smouldered, but heaven forbid I actually DID anything, such as complaining to an official. There was a Canadian couple who also seemed to take things in good spirit - joking and grumbling but mostly joking. There were a couple of yanks on the plane and they were talking loudly about how someone should call the local media and create some pressure on the authorities to get SOMETHING done. This would probably work in a civilized nation, such as the US of A, but not in Italy. The Krauts were talking quietly and orderly to the plane's crew and, like yours truly, seemed to take it all in stride. Most of the Italians were running around like headless chicken (probably a step up on the intellectual scale) and waving their arms and hands at each other while talking on their cell phones.
Finally, around thirty minutes after midnight we were told to "follow the lady in blue" and soon we were led out of the building and on to two waiting buses. It still took almost 45 mins before we were on our way. It was well after 4 am when we arrived at the airport in Naples. I grabbed my luggage and rapidly negotiated my way to the nearest taxi. I arrived at my hotel at appx 4:45 am - dirty, sweaty, hungry and thirsty - but alive!
However when we came even closer to Naples, things really started to heat up, metaphorically speaking. The plane really started to shake and rattle, and it soon felt like I was on a rollercoaster, not in an airplane. We were flying through thick fog so I saw fuck all to orientate myself, which probably added to the increasing panic I was feeling.
After what felt like an eternity of this terror the plane picked up speed and started to gain height again. I noticed we seemed to be turning around and soon got a sneaking suspicion. Were we going to land in Rome instead? Were they keeping us, so to speak, in the dark in order to minimize the complaning? Possibly. Anyway, after quite a while the captain came on the air and hesitantly explained that the weather in Naples was so awful he wasn't going to try to land us there and that we had, indeed already started our landing procedure in Rome.
It was probably a good thing that we were still in the air, because a howl arose from all the greaseballs on the plane. Cries of "impossibile" and "incredibile" and the likes could be heard all around. Personally I thanked the powers that be that the plane was flown by Germans, who could be trusted to put the lives of their passengers ahead of any need to be home with Mama for a hearty dinner of meatballs and spaghetti. If we had flown Alitalia or some such airline I have no doubt the pilots would have gone in on a wing and a prayer at the risk of smashing us all against Vesuvius like a glass of spicy tomato sauce, if you pardon the mental image. As it was we landed smoothly and safe in Rome an hour late.
Things started to deteriorate rapidly once we got to Rome. First of all, as soon as the plane started to slow down, the Italians exploded into the midway, opening overhead compartments and taking out clothes, bags, little children and whatever else they had stowed away up there - long before the plane had "come to a complete halt and the captain had switched off the fasten seatbelt sign". They kept standing in the aisle for one hour straight, talking loudly on their cell phones and effectively blocking out the messages the captain was trying to convey over the loudspeakers.
Also, as soon as the plane landed we were under Italian "jurisdiction", and what I laughingly refer to as Italian organizing began. First we spent almost an hour waiting in the plane, on the tarmac. Then we were taken to the terminal, where about half of us got our luggage and the rest had to wait for two fuckin' hours before the greaseballs got their collective asses in gear. It never occurred to them that half a load of luggage wasn't going to do anyone any good, since we were all ultimately going to the same place and had to wait till the last person got his last measly bag of dirty underwear.
The scenery in the arrival hall was a classic study of different cultures. Being Norwegian, I was naturally stoic about things. I grumbled and smouldered, but heaven forbid I actually DID anything, such as complaining to an official. There was a Canadian couple who also seemed to take things in good spirit - joking and grumbling but mostly joking. There were a couple of yanks on the plane and they were talking loudly about how someone should call the local media and create some pressure on the authorities to get SOMETHING done. This would probably work in a civilized nation, such as the US of A, but not in Italy. The Krauts were talking quietly and orderly to the plane's crew and, like yours truly, seemed to take it all in stride. Most of the Italians were running around like headless chicken (probably a step up on the intellectual scale) and waving their arms and hands at each other while talking on their cell phones.
Finally, around thirty minutes after midnight we were told to "follow the lady in blue" and soon we were led out of the building and on to two waiting buses. It still took almost 45 mins before we were on our way. It was well after 4 am when we arrived at the airport in Naples. I grabbed my luggage and rapidly negotiated my way to the nearest taxi. I arrived at my hotel at appx 4:45 am - dirty, sweaty, hungry and thirsty - but alive!
Naples part I: Germany
I got to my stopover airport in Munich alright yesterday. There was a short but extremely slow line at the transfer check in, since Lufthansa had seen fit to man just one of the numerous counters there. (My bag was checked through in Oslo, but my person was not...)
I had over nine hours to kill, so feeling brave I took the advice of the good people at Lonely Planet's Forum and went to Freising, a smallish town outside Munich. I didn't have much in the way of expectations except to waste some time in a slightly more cozy locale than the airport.
Well, I was mighty surprised by Freising. The city itself is quite clean, it's as if the buildings are all scrubbed regularly (this being Bavaria, nothing would surprise me). There are multicolored bears on every corner and even some used instead of reindeer as replacement in a Christmas tableau. The (saddled) bear is the city symbol, after a legend that a bear once killed the packhorse of bishop Arbeo, whereupon he saddled it and commanded it to carry his bishopy stuff over the Alps. Yeah right.
Bavaria is the richest part, not only of Germany but also of the whole fuckin' European Union, and Freising must be one of the most prosperous parts of Bavaria. The city touts the lowest unemployment figures in Germany and like I said, its buildings are so clean they GLEAM in the sun. Everything about it just exudes prosperity, but not in the usual brash and brazen manner of Germans. It's a quiet, pleasant prosperity, and a kind of small-town peace of mind that soon gets to you when you walk the streets of Freising.
The inhabitants, in a most un-German fashion, are very friendly. Some actually smiled at me even though I wasn't in the process of forking over vast amounts of money to them. Most strange, and almost creepy, considering my previous encounters with Krauts. The proprietor at a local Indian eatery spoke good English and even gave me a bowl of steaming hot tomato soup free of charge, before feeding me some very strong and tasty chicken tikka masala. Afterwards I perused the modest collections of the city museum and just walked and walked and gawped at the city. Pure bliss!
All Freising pictures here.
Gleaming, I tell you:
A memorial to the dead of WWII. Yes, THAT war.
On the other hand, there was this touching memorial to a Jewish family who had lived in town. These small brass plates are set in the pavement outside where they lived.
This was either a tacky tableau with a bear as Santa and another bear as reindeer... or bears are more kinky than I thought.
Buildings in many colors. I quite liked it.
One of many nice buildings along the little stream that runs through town.
A sight that warms the heart. Just like in Norway, if you find a glove or something on the street, you take it up and put it somewhere visible, so if someone comes back to look for it, it is easily found. In Oslo, in winter you can see whole fences decorated with gloves and mittens.
I had over nine hours to kill, so feeling brave I took the advice of the good people at Lonely Planet's Forum and went to Freising, a smallish town outside Munich. I didn't have much in the way of expectations except to waste some time in a slightly more cozy locale than the airport.
Well, I was mighty surprised by Freising. The city itself is quite clean, it's as if the buildings are all scrubbed regularly (this being Bavaria, nothing would surprise me). There are multicolored bears on every corner and even some used instead of reindeer as replacement in a Christmas tableau. The (saddled) bear is the city symbol, after a legend that a bear once killed the packhorse of bishop Arbeo, whereupon he saddled it and commanded it to carry his bishopy stuff over the Alps. Yeah right.
Bavaria is the richest part, not only of Germany but also of the whole fuckin' European Union, and Freising must be one of the most prosperous parts of Bavaria. The city touts the lowest unemployment figures in Germany and like I said, its buildings are so clean they GLEAM in the sun. Everything about it just exudes prosperity, but not in the usual brash and brazen manner of Germans. It's a quiet, pleasant prosperity, and a kind of small-town peace of mind that soon gets to you when you walk the streets of Freising.
The inhabitants, in a most un-German fashion, are very friendly. Some actually smiled at me even though I wasn't in the process of forking over vast amounts of money to them. Most strange, and almost creepy, considering my previous encounters with Krauts. The proprietor at a local Indian eatery spoke good English and even gave me a bowl of steaming hot tomato soup free of charge, before feeding me some very strong and tasty chicken tikka masala. Afterwards I perused the modest collections of the city museum and just walked and walked and gawped at the city. Pure bliss!
All Freising pictures here.
Gleaming, I tell you:
A memorial to the dead of WWII. Yes, THAT war.
On the other hand, there was this touching memorial to a Jewish family who had lived in town. These small brass plates are set in the pavement outside where they lived.
This was either a tacky tableau with a bear as Santa and another bear as reindeer... or bears are more kinky than I thought.
Buildings in many colors. I quite liked it.
One of many nice buildings along the little stream that runs through town.
A sight that warms the heart. Just like in Norway, if you find a glove or something on the street, you take it up and put it somewhere visible, so if someone comes back to look for it, it is easily found. In Oslo, in winter you can see whole fences decorated with gloves and mittens.
Quote of the Day
Whatever a man prays for, he prays for a miracle. Every prayer reduces itself to this: "Great God, grant that twice two be not four".
- Ivan Turgenev
- Ivan Turgenev
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Quote of the Day
A consultant is someone who takes your watch away to tell you what time it is.
- Ed Finkelstein
- Ed Finkelstein
Happy Festivus!
'tis the day of Festivus, and once again let me air some grievances before leaving for Naples.
- Despise my best efforts I am still fat. I blame all you readers (yes, both of you!) for not doing your job of harassing me into exercising.
- Israel. Last year I complained about the utter lack of deadly toys you should have sent me, and this year is no exception. But what has really disappointed me is that you still haven't bombed the fuckin Iranians to smithereens. A computer virus impresses no one! Bah!
- The CIA. Ditto for toys and money and such, but this all pales compared to Wikileaks. Honestly, not one fuckin assassin to put a bullet in that Assange cunt? Not one??? Gaaaaaah!
- Wikileaks. It's early days yet, but so far not ONE mention of yours truly nor this blog. I swear and shake my fist at everything and nothing and to no avail. Meh!
- My family. Still alive, still poor. Not even worth killing. Sigh...
- Despise my best efforts I am still fat. I blame all you readers (yes, both of you!) for not doing your job of harassing me into exercising.
- Israel. Last year I complained about the utter lack of deadly toys you should have sent me, and this year is no exception. But what has really disappointed me is that you still haven't bombed the fuckin Iranians to smithereens. A computer virus impresses no one! Bah!
- The CIA. Ditto for toys and money and such, but this all pales compared to Wikileaks. Honestly, not one fuckin assassin to put a bullet in that Assange cunt? Not one??? Gaaaaaah!
- Wikileaks. It's early days yet, but so far not ONE mention of yours truly nor this blog. I swear and shake my fist at everything and nothing and to no avail. Meh!
- My family. Still alive, still poor. Not even worth killing. Sigh...
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Quote of the Day
The gallery in which the press sit has become a fourth estate of the realm.
- Thomas Babington Macaulay
- Thomas Babington Macaulay
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Roundup
Ugh. I know it's been a long time since the last proper post, but I've been busy, busy, busy with work and stuff. As ya'll know I left my old job in mid November, but since then I've started substitute teaching at the other high school in town (the one where the pupils generally have triple digit IQs) and I have even been given the chance to teach HISTORY! Sweet, sweet history... mmmm...
Additionally I've started working weekends at a youth institution a few miles north of here. Long - very long - watches but good money. I've got some stories and stuff that are quite incredible, suffice it to say that my belief in the death penalty and in compulsory castration is strengthened.
Soooo. I am feeling increasingly upbeat about next year. I think I'll be able to survive financially until this house goes on the market in late spring/early summer and I can take the money and get the fuck outta here. Also inreasingly upbeat about the trip to Naples on Thursday (yes, only two days left, wheeeeee!) and spending New Year's in sweet, sweet Italy.
I prolly won't have a connection in Italy, so pics and stories from Pompeii and Capri must wait till January. I'll put in a good week's worth of quotes to be publicized throughout the rest of the year, so you won't feel abandoned and all alone.
Tata, and see ya'll next year!
Additionally I've started working weekends at a youth institution a few miles north of here. Long - very long - watches but good money. I've got some stories and stuff that are quite incredible, suffice it to say that my belief in the death penalty and in compulsory castration is strengthened.
Soooo. I am feeling increasingly upbeat about next year. I think I'll be able to survive financially until this house goes on the market in late spring/early summer and I can take the money and get the fuck outta here. Also inreasingly upbeat about the trip to Naples on Thursday (yes, only two days left, wheeeeee!) and spending New Year's in sweet, sweet Italy.
I prolly won't have a connection in Italy, so pics and stories from Pompeii and Capri must wait till January. I'll put in a good week's worth of quotes to be publicized throughout the rest of the year, so you won't feel abandoned and all alone.
Tata, and see ya'll next year!
Quote of the Day
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Monday, December 20, 2010
Quote of the Day
If you read a lot of books, you’re considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you’re not considered well-viewed.
- Lilly Tomlin
- Lilly Tomlin
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Quote of the Day
Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
- Scott Adams
- Scott Adams
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Quote of the Day
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
- Dave Barry
- Dave Barry
Friday, December 17, 2010
Quote of the Day
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.
- Mark Twain
- Mark Twain
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Quote of the Day
I'm all for bringing back the birch, but only between consenting adults.
- Gore Vidal
- Gore Vidal
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Quote of the Day
A faith that cannot survive collision with the truth is not worth many regrets.
- Arthur C. Clarke
- Arthur C. Clarke
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Quote of the Day
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.
- Jerry Seinfeld
- Jerry Seinfeld
Friday, December 10, 2010
Quote of the Day
I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
- Lily Tomlin
- Lily Tomlin
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Quote of the Day
You can be young without money but you can't be old without it.
- Tennessee Williams
- Tennessee Williams
Monday, December 6, 2010
Quote of the Day
Journalists say a thing that they know isn’t true, in the hope that if they keep on saying it long enough, it will be true.
- Arnold Bennet
- Arnold Bennet
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Quote of the Day
A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.
- Thomas Ybarra
- Thomas Ybarra
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Quote of the Day
When I was a little boy, they called me a liar, but now that I am grown up, they call me a writer.
- Isaac Bashevis Singer
- Isaac Bashevis Singer
Friday, December 3, 2010
Quote of the Day
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.
- Burt Bacharach
- Burt Bacharach
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Quote of the Day
There are two kinds of stories, the ones you live and the ones you make up. And nobody knows the difference, and I don't ever tell which is which.
- Ernest Hemingway
- Ernest Hemingway
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