I dunno iffin you've heard of this, but American children's book author Adam Mansbach has gone and written a funny little thing called "Go the fuck to sleep." 'tis about 15 short verses long, with illustrations, and let me tell you, the audiobook, narrated by Samuel L. Jackson is hilarious.
Anyways, as ya'll know there's nothing I desire more than tons of money in exchange for minimal work, so I've gone and written my own version, called "Eat your fucking food." I have uploaded it as an e-book at Amazon Kindle in the US, where it costs $1.99 for yanks and $3.99 for Norwegians and heaven knows how much for others, I guess it all depends on where you're browsing from.
Most Norwegians would probably like to order it (I know I am blatantly assuming that most Norwegians would, in fact, want to order it at all) from the German version of Amazon, where it'll set you back €1.60 - sumfin' like NOK 13. As far as I can tell the Kraut version caters to most of the rest of the European market as well. Iffin yer in Engerland or Scotland, the book is also avaliable at the UK Amazon at a converted rate, but only for UK customers. Splendid isolation my ass.
It's 17 stanzas of foul-mouthed fun. Every single stanza contains one end rhyme (legal guarantee!) and it even has two more stanzas than "Go the fuck to sleep" so that's 13% more content. No pretty drawings though, but you prolly wouldn't be able to see them very well on a kindle anyways. Or so I hope.
The book is made of 100% recycled electrons, so you purchasing this book will allow one rare, multicolored frog in the rainforests of Cameroon to live appx. five minutes longer than it otherwise would have. So go ahead and buy, buy, buy! Think of it as buying yer old (or new, as the case may be) pal a cup of coffee - or, knowing me, hot chocolate and a small apple tart on the side. With cream. Anyways, when I'm rich and famous I'll buy you one back, pwomise! (Not a legal guarantee!)
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Quote of the Day
‘Tis strange - but true; for truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.
- Lord Byron
- Lord Byron
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Quote of the Day
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
- Elayne Boosler
- Elayne Boosler
Monday, June 27, 2011
Quote of the Day
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
- Frank Sinatra
- Frank Sinatra
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Quote of the Day
There are many methods for predicting the future. For example, you can read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls. Collectively, these methods are known as 'nutty methods.' Or you can put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer models, more commonly referred to as "a complete waste of time".
- Scott Adams
- Scott Adams
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Quote of the Day
A:>hello
bad command or file name
A:>help
bad command or file name
A:>do something!
bad command or file name
A:> F#$k you!!!!
bad command or file name, A#% hole
- Dave Barry, (from "Dave Barry in Cyberspace")
bad command or file name
A:>help
bad command or file name
A:>do something!
bad command or file name
A:> F#$k you!!!!
bad command or file name, A#% hole
- Dave Barry, (from "Dave Barry in Cyberspace")
Friday, June 24, 2011
Quote of the Day
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
- Charlie McCarthy
- Charlie McCarthy
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Quote of the Day
Ish at the US Embassy's early 4th of July bash today... wheeee!
We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal and independent; that from that equal creation they derive rights inherent and inalienable, among which are the preservation of life, and liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; that to secure these ends, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just power from the consent of the governed; that whenever any form of government shall become destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying it's foundation on such principles and organizing it's power in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.
- Thomas Jefferson, original draft of The Declaration of Independence
We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal and independent; that from that equal creation they derive rights inherent and inalienable, among which are the preservation of life, and liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; that to secure these ends, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just power from the consent of the governed; that whenever any form of government shall become destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying it's foundation on such principles and organizing it's power in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.
- Thomas Jefferson, original draft of The Declaration of Independence
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Quote of the Day
Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if you run out of food.
- Dean McLaughlin
- Dean McLaughlin
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Quote of the Day
God made his only son die on the cross to avenge his own anger against a man and woman four thousand years dead. Besides, the garbage disposal was sending radio signals through his head and it seemed like a really good idea at the time.
- Charles Fiterman
- Charles Fiterman
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
Silence of the lamb
I live in a house surrounded by fields on appx 2.5 sides, fields where sheep graze for several months every year. As sure as these dirty-white little fluffballs will keep me awake at all hours of the night with their incessant meeeehing, every damn year some of 'em will escape through a hole in the fence or crawl under it (or simply levitate over, I have no idea how they manage to escape sometimes).
When I came home from what I laughingly refer to as "work" this afternoon, a ewe with a lamb had managed to get out and were at first slumbering peacefully in the garage, safely snuggled up out of the rain. Later they went around the garden, stuffing their little snouts on the... ahem... pristine pastures of uncutweeds grass, where I managed to get some pics of 'em. Enjoy... they sure did!
Ma went for the tall grass while the lil' one decided to check out the bushes by the tree.
After two seconds he was stuffing his face with green leaves.
He was even gnawing on the bark of the tree. Greedy lil' bastard!
Meanwhile, Mother was sniffing the flowers and chewing grass.
Having finished with the flowers, Mother turned her attention to the plants.
When I came home from what I laughingly refer to as "work" this afternoon, a ewe with a lamb had managed to get out and were at first slumbering peacefully in the garage, safely snuggled up out of the rain. Later they went around the garden, stuffing their little snouts on the... ahem... pristine pastures of uncut
Ma went for the tall grass while the lil' one decided to check out the bushes by the tree.
After two seconds he was stuffing his face with green leaves.
He was even gnawing on the bark of the tree. Greedy lil' bastard!
Meanwhile, Mother was sniffing the flowers and chewing grass.
Having finished with the flowers, Mother turned her attention to the plants.
Quote of the Day
The most pernicious of absurdities is that weak, blind, stupid faith is better than the constant practice of every human virtue.
- Walter Savage Landor
- Walter Savage Landor
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Quote of the Day
I was external examiner today at another school...
I felt this incredible surge of power, like God must feel when he's holding a gun.
- Homer Simpson
I felt this incredible surge of power, like God must feel when he's holding a gun.
- Homer Simpson
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Quote of the Day
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
- Scott Adams
- Scott Adams
Monday, June 13, 2011
Quote of the Day
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.
- Winston Churchill
- Winston Churchill
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Quote of the Day
Universal deities... never seem to smile. Not in any culture. What’s the point of having omnipotence if you don’t enjoy it?
- Jack McDevitt
- Jack McDevitt
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Quote of the Day
Money is a strange thing. It ranks with love as our greatest source of joy, and with death as our greatest source of anxiety.
- Joe Moore
- Joe Moore
Friday, June 10, 2011
Quote of the Day
A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on.
- William S. Burroughs
- William S. Burroughs
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Weiner II
Since Congressman Weiner's nekkid chest has ben splattered all over the internets, I think it's only fair that I come clean with full disclosure too!
This picture looks like:
1) Some hairy animal died a horrible death on someone's puny chest...
2) The latest in fur fashon from the Alabama Company of Assorted Dead Critters...
3) The chest of this blog's author...
4) All of the above...
This picture looks like:
1) Some hairy animal died a horrible death on someone's puny chest...
2) The latest in fur fashon from the Alabama Company of Assorted Dead Critters...
3) The chest of this blog's author...
4) All of the above...
Quote of the Day
A gentleman will not insult me, and no man not a gentleman can insult me.
- Frederick Douglass
- Frederick Douglass
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Quote of the Day
If there were less sympathy in the world, there would be less trouble in the world.
- Oscar Wilde
- Oscar Wilde
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
Quote of the Day
Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success.
- Oscar Wilde
- Oscar Wilde
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Quote of the Day
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
- Oscar Wilde
- Oscar Wilde
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