Quote of the Day

An association of men who will not quarrel with one another is a thing which has never yet existed, from the greatest confederacy of nations down to a town meeting or a vestry.
- Thomas Jefferson

Quote of the Day

Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

I made doo doo (also known as a poem)!

I dunno iffin you've heard of this, but American children's book author Adam Mansbach has gone and written a funny little thing called "Go the fuck to sleep." 'tis about 15 short verses long, with illustrations, and let me tell you, the audiobook, narrated by Samuel L. Jackson is hilarious.

Anyways, as ya'll know there's nothing I desire more than tons of money in exchange for minimal work, so I've gone and written my own version, called "Eat your fucking food." I have uploaded it as an e-book at Amazon Kindle in the US, where it costs $1.99 for yanks and $3.99 for Norwegians and heaven knows how much for others, I guess it all depends on where you're browsing from.

Most Norwegians would probably like to order it (I know I am blatantly assuming that most Norwegians would, in fact, want to order it at all) from the German version of Amazon, where it'll set you back €1.60 - sumfin' like NOK 13. As far as I can tell the Kraut version caters to most of the rest of the European market as well. Iffin yer in Engerland or Scotland, the book is also avaliable at the UK Amazon at a converted rate, but only for UK customers. Splendid isolation my ass.

It's 17 stanzas of foul-mouthed fun. Every single stanza contains one end rhyme (legal guarantee!) and it even has two more stanzas than "Go the fuck to sleep" so that's 13% more content. No pretty drawings though, but you prolly wouldn't be able to see them very well on a kindle anyways. Or so I hope.

The book is made of 100% recycled electrons, so you purchasing this book will allow one rare, multicolored frog in the rainforests of Cameroon to live appx. five minutes longer than it otherwise would have. So go ahead and buy, buy, buy! Think of it as buying yer old (or new, as the case may be) pal a cup of coffee - or, knowing me, hot chocolate and a small apple tart on the side. With cream. Anyways, when I'm rich and famous I'll buy you one back, pwomise! (Not a legal guarantee!)

Quote of the Day

It's more fun writing bad books than reading good ones.
- Werner Lansburgh

Quote of the Day

‘Tis strange - but true; for truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.
- Lord Byron

Quote of the Day

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
- Elayne Boosler

Quote of the Day

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
- Frank Sinatra

Quote of the Day

There are many methods for predicting the future. For example, you can read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls. Collectively, these methods are known as 'nutty methods.' Or you can put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer models, more commonly referred to as "a complete waste of time".
- Scott Adams

Quote of the Day

A:>hello
bad command or file name
A:>help
bad command or file name
A:>do something!
bad command or file name
A:> F#$k you!!!!
bad command or file name, A#% hole
- Dave Barry, (from "Dave Barry in Cyberspace")

Quote of the Day

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
- Charlie McCarthy

Quote of the Day

Ish at the US Embassy's early 4th of July bash today... wheeee!

We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal and independent; that from that equal creation they derive rights inherent and inalienable, among which are the preservation of life, and liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; that to secure these ends, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just power from the consent of the governed; that whenever any form of government shall become destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying it's foundation on such principles and organizing it's power in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.
- Thomas Jefferson, original draft of The Declaration of Independence

Quote of the Day

Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if you run out of food.
- Dean McLaughlin

Quote of the Day

Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours.
- Frank Colby

Quote of the Day

A thing of beauty is a joy forever.
- John Keats

Quote of the Day

God made his only son die on the cross to avenge his own anger against a man and woman four thousand years dead. Besides, the garbage disposal was sending radio signals through his head and it seemed like a really good idea at the time.
- Charles Fiterman

Quote of the Day

I am not over-fond of resisting temptation.
- William Beckford

Silence of the lamb

I live in a house surrounded by fields on appx 2.5 sides, fields where sheep graze for several months every year. As sure as these dirty-white little fluffballs will keep me awake at all hours of the night with their incessant meeeehing, every damn year some of 'em will escape through a hole in the fence or crawl under it (or simply levitate over, I have no idea how they manage to escape sometimes).

When I came home from what I laughingly refer to as "work" this afternoon, a ewe with a lamb had managed to get out and were at first slumbering peacefully in the garage, safely snuggled up out of the rain. Later they went around the garden, stuffing their little snouts on the... ahem... pristine pastures of uncut weeds grass, where I managed to get some pics of 'em. Enjoy... they sure did!

Ma went for the tall grass while the lil' one decided to check out the bushes by the tree.


After two seconds he was stuffing his face with green leaves.




He was even gnawing on the bark of the tree. Greedy lil' bastard!


Meanwhile, Mother was sniffing the flowers and chewing grass.


Having finished with the flowers, Mother turned her attention to the plants.

Quote of the Day

The most pernicious of absurdities is that weak, blind, stupid faith is better than the constant practice of every human virtue.
- Walter Savage Landor

Quote of the Day

I was external examiner today at another school...

I felt this incredible surge of power, like God must feel when he's holding a gun.
- Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

The greatest masterpieces were once only pigments on a palette.
- Henry S. Haskins

Quote of the Day

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
- Scott Adams

Quote of the Day

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.
- Winston Churchill

Quote of the Day

Universal deities... never seem to smile. Not in any culture. What’s the point of having omnipotence if you don’t enjoy it?
- Jack McDevitt

Quote of the Day

Money is a strange thing. It ranks with love as our greatest source of joy, and with death as our greatest source of anxiety.
- Joe Moore

Quote of the Day

A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on.
- William S. Burroughs

Quote of the Day

I do most of my work sitting down, that’s where I shine.
- Robert Benchley

Weiner II

Since Congressman Weiner's nekkid chest has ben splattered all over the internets, I think it's only fair that I come clean with full disclosure too!

This picture looks like:

1) Some hairy animal died a horrible death on someone's puny chest...
2) The latest in fur fashon from the Alabama Company of Assorted Dead Critters...
3) The chest of this blog's author...
4) All of the above...

Quote of the Day

A gentleman will not insult me, and no man not a gentleman can insult me.
- Frederick Douglass

Quote of the Day

Everything comes to those who wait... except a cat.
- Mario Andretti

Quote of the Day

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
- Robert F. Kennedy

Quote of the Day

If there were less sympathy in the world, there would be less trouble in the world.
- Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Day

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
- Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Day

Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success.
- Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Day

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Day

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
- Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Day

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
- Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Day

When I was young, I thought that money was the most important thing in life - now that I am old, I know that it is.
- Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Day

Undergraduates owe their happiness chiefly to the consciousness that they are no longer at school. The nonsense which was knocked out of them at school is all put gently back at Oxford or Cambridge.
- Max Beerbohm

Quote of the Day

The dullard’s envy of brilliant men is always assuaged by the suspicion that they will come to a bad end.
- Max Beerbohm

Quote of the Day

Most women are not so young as they are painted.
- Max Beerbohm

Quote of the Day

It is not the going out of the port, but the coming in, that determines the success of a voyage.
- Henry Ward Beecher

Quote of the Day

The dog was created especially for children. He is the God of frolic.
- Henry Ward Beecher

Quote of the Day

Some people are so dry that you might soak them in a joke for a month and it would not get through their skins.
- Henry Ward Beecher

Quote of the Day

Greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right use of strength.
- Henry Ward Beecher

Quote of the Day

Marriage is not a word, it is a sentence.
- Unknown

Quote of the Day

A man in love is incomplete until he has married - then he’s finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Quote of the Day

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

Translation from British English

This is pure effin brill! The British are masters of understatements and subtle irony, and we more literal minded squareheads up north (and down on the continent too) can really use this translation.

Quote of the Day

The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married.
- Cyril Connolly

Quote of the Day

Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
- Joey Adams

Quote of the Day

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.
- Herbert Spencer

Quote of the Day

Two fri... ehm, acquaintances of mine got married Sunday in New York, so this week will be devoted to marriage quotes...

Marriage is a wonderful invention. But, then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.
- Billy Connolly

Quote of the Day

So many gods, so many creeds
So many paths that wind and wind
While just the art of being kind
Is all the sad world needs.
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Quote of the Day

We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over.
- Aneurin Bevan

Quote of the Day

I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.
- Nancy Mitford

Quote of the Day

For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.
- Richard Clopton

Quote of the Day

Literature should not be surpressed merely because it affects the moral code of the censor.
- William Orville Douglas

Quote of the Day

A wise and frugal government, which shall restrain men from injuring one another, which shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned. This is the sum of good government.
- Thomas Jefferson

Quote of the Day

When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one.
- Edmund Burke

Quote of the Day

I’ll publish, right or wrong: Fools are my theme, let satire be my song.
- Lord Byron

Quote of the Day

When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong.
- Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Day

It is morally as bad not to care whether a thing is true or not, so long as it makes you feel good, as it is not to care how you got your money as long as you have got it.
- Edmund Way Teale

Quote of the Day

Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced.
- James Arthur Baldwin

Quote of the Day

A great many open minds should be closed for repairs.
- Toledo Blade

Quote of the Day

We're a planet of nearly six billion ninnies living in a civilization that was designed by a few thousand amazingly smart deviants.
- Scott Adams

Quote of the Day

To insist on strength ... is not war-mongering. It is peace-mongering.
- Barry Goldwater

Quote of the Day

Life is one long process of getting tired.
- Samuel Butler

Quote of the Day

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
- Samuel Butler

Quote of the Day

Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a person of some sense to know how to lie well.
- Samuel Butler

Quote of the Day

I do not mind lying but I hate inaccuracy.
- Samuel Butler

Right...

... 'tis done. I have signed up for a contest with a Norwegian travel magazine... they are giving away free trips to various places in return for daily updates with pictures. I think I can do THAT... at least if the trip is to the US. I also had to send in a short travel story of max 300 words, so I chose to write about my day in Green River, more specifically about the incredible views south of town at Cold Geysir. I also sent along some pics. Crossing my fingers here!

TELL me this isn't purdy. I dare ye:







All Green River pics here.

Quote of the Day

Brigands demand your money or your life, women require both.
- Samuel Butler

Quote of the Day

The advantage of doing one's praising for oneself is that one can lay it on so thick and exactly in the right places.
- Samuel Butler

Captions - The Donald Edition

Here we have his supremeness The Donald, together with another supremo - douchbag de luxe Bill O'Reilly. I don't know which one hurts the Right the most, but they both "need killin'" as they say in the south.



"...and that, my liege is how we know the earth to be banana-shaped..."
"It's all in the hair, you see... my superpowers, my good looks, my wealth!"
"...and THAT'S why I was for socialized healthcare before I was against it..."
"Obama was born in Kenya, my hair told me so!"

Quote of the Day

All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.
- Samuel Butler

Quote of the Day

Dear God. We paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing.
- Bart Simpson saying grace

Quote of the Day

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet, tasty beer.
- Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.
- The Simpsons

Quote of the Day

Lisa, if you don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You just go in everyday and do it really half assed. It’s the American way.
- The Simpsons

Quote of the Day

I used to be with 'it', but then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't 'it' anymore and what's 'it' seems weird and scary.
- Grandpa Simpson

Quote of the Day

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves.
- Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

It's SIMPSONS week! Wheeee!

The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
- Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

On the sixth day God created man. On the seventh day, man returned the favor.
- Unknown

Quote of the Day

Never underestimate a woman - unless you're talking about her age or her weight.
- Unknown

Quote of the Day

Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer each, and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making any sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive. No further testing is planned.
- Unknown

Quote of the Day

There is nothing friendlier than a wet dog.
- Unknown

Quote of the Day

A friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body.
- Unknown

Spring

The wind is howling and it's raining sideways. Spring has come to Norway.

Quote of the Day

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
- Unknown

Quote of the Day

Revenge is sleeping with your enemy's wife. Sweet revenge is the realization that she's a lousy lay.
- Unknown

Quote of the Day

Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?
- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

"Man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much... the wheel, New York, wars, and so on, whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely the dolphins believed themselves to be more intelligent than man for precisely the same reasons."
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Quote of the Day

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

I have a well-deserved reputation for being something of a gadget freak, and am rarely happier than when spending an entire day programming my computer to perform automatically a task that would otherwise take me a good ten seconds to do by hand.
- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

Arthur: 'It's at times like this I wish I'd listened to my mother.'
Ford : 'Why, what did she say?'
Arthur: 'I don't know, I never listened.'
- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

Quote of the Day

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.
- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
- Dave Barry