be sorted @ nimbo.net
I always thought I'd be a Ravenclaw...
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Yes, I am bored
Some more inane test results:
I am 11% metrosexual. The high score is probably due to not owning many tennis shoes and knowing what crème brûlée is.
I am also 39% asshole, which comes as a bit of a disappointment to me. Again, I bemoan the lack of questions about relevant matters, such as invading 3rd world countries for their oil and buying clothes handmade by starving Nepali children.
I am 18% white trash, the high score apparently due to my preference for Bush and to some alcohol-related questions where my answers were probably taken the wrong way (there were no alternatives for "do not drink toxic substances").
And finally, I am only 12% idiot. Beats me.
I am 11% metrosexual. The high score is probably due to not owning many tennis shoes and knowing what crème brûlée is.
I am also 39% asshole, which comes as a bit of a disappointment to me. Again, I bemoan the lack of questions about relevant matters, such as invading 3rd world countries for their oil and buying clothes handmade by starving Nepali children.
I am 18% white trash, the high score apparently due to my preference for Bush and to some alcohol-related questions where my answers were probably taken the wrong way (there were no alternatives for "do not drink toxic substances").
And finally, I am only 12% idiot. Beats me.
And the winner is...
My congratulations to the Iraqi people! The elections appear to be a huge success, with the Electoral Commission estimating a turnout around 72%. This compares to around 60% in the US elections in November, and less than 46% for the elections to the European Parliament last summer. My home country, Norway, which is one of the safest and richest places in the world, had a turnout of 75,5% in the 2001 parliamentary elections, and a measly 59% in the local (but nationwide) elections in 2003.
Just like the people of Afghanistan, the Iraqi people have overwhelmingly demonstrated their desire to adopt the democratic process despite terrorism, intimidation and propaganda from a variety of local and international sources ranging from Al Qaida to the editorial pages of The New York Times.
The losers in this election are the islamofascists, the disgruntled Saddam loyalists and a few nutcase lefties around the world.
Everybody else wins, whether they understand it or not.
Just like the people of Afghanistan, the Iraqi people have overwhelmingly demonstrated their desire to adopt the democratic process despite terrorism, intimidation and propaganda from a variety of local and international sources ranging from Al Qaida to the editorial pages of The New York Times.
The losers in this election are the islamofascists, the disgruntled Saddam loyalists and a few nutcase lefties around the world.
Everybody else wins, whether they understand it or not.
No surprise there...
Apparently I am 9% hippie... this is probably due to me 1) Not having served in the military, 2) having gone to college and 3) favoring the legalization of pot.
Sadly, there were no questions regarding public hanging, nor flogging in the schools.
Saturday, January 29, 2005
America, fuck yeah!
Saw Team America Friday night... VERY funny! It's not for the faint-hearted, of course - hardcore sex, powerpuking and the destruction of several major cities plus rude, vulgar, obscene songs, jokes and speeches just to mention a few things.
Some random quotes:
"I was raped by Mister Mephistophiles."
"Gary is the kind of man that understands, when you put another man's cock in your mouth, you make a pact."
"Hey, terrorist! Terrorize this!"
"Gary, you can't blame yourself for what gorillas did."
"You had me at 'dicks fuck assholes'."
Some random quotes:
"I was raped by Mister Mephistophiles."
"Gary is the kind of man that understands, when you put another man's cock in your mouth, you make a pact."
"Hey, terrorist! Terrorize this!"
"Gary, you can't blame yourself for what gorillas did."
"You had me at 'dicks fuck assholes'."
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Poetic justice
There is still hope for mankind. Allow me to quote from this story:
Words of wisdom, words of poetry. Now, if only the girlie men in charge of making and upholding the law could get their acts together... I'm not so much interested in a "three strikes and you're out" - I'm more into "one strike and you're dead".
When two men walked into a popular country store outside Atlanta, announced a holdup and fired a shot, owners Bobby Doster and Gloria Turner never hesitated. The pair pulled out their own pistols and opened fire.
The armed suspect and his partner were killed. The owners won't be charged, according to local officials, because they were acting in self-defense.
"I just started shooting," said Gloria Turner, 56. "I was trying to blow his brains out is what I was trying to do."
Words of wisdom, words of poetry. Now, if only the girlie men in charge of making and upholding the law could get their acts together... I'm not so much interested in a "three strikes and you're out" - I'm more into "one strike and you're dead".
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Russia vs Jews
This story shows that anti-Semitism is alive and well in Russia today. This inspired me to make a quick and politically highly incorrect comparison between the land of the Joooos - Israel - and Russia. The Jooos are scored first (bias due to the international Zionist conspiracy):
Has a well functioning democracy: 1-0
Has a free and independent press: 1-0
Has free and independent courts: 1-0
Has a life expectancy above that of a third world country: 1-0
Has a standard of living above that of a third world country: 1-0
Is in fact NOT a third world country: 1-0
Has one of the most highly educated populations in the world: 1-0
Has a considerable degree of influence with the US govt: 1-0
Is actually able to combat and defeat crazy islamofascists: 1-0
Has won every war it has been in: 1-0
Kosher vs Borsht? 1-0
The list could go on and on.
Has a well functioning democracy: 1-0
Has a free and independent press: 1-0
Has free and independent courts: 1-0
Has a life expectancy above that of a third world country: 1-0
Has a standard of living above that of a third world country: 1-0
Is in fact NOT a third world country: 1-0
Has one of the most highly educated populations in the world: 1-0
Has a considerable degree of influence with the US govt: 1-0
Is actually able to combat and defeat crazy islamofascists: 1-0
Has won every war it has been in: 1-0
Kosher vs Borsht? 1-0
The list could go on and on.
Paranoid and irresponsible
Conspiracy theories and paranoia have been a part of American society for centuries, but this story is downright frightening. It shows that a considerable part of a large American minority group are fundamentally (emphasis on "mental") ignorant and irresponsible in matters of grave concern to themselves and to society.
Sadly it also shows something of a pattern in any welfare state: The increasing lack of desire and ability to take responsibility for one's own life. Everything is always somebody else's fault. Don't have a job? Well, an utter lack of skills, a bad attitude and poor grooming should be of no consequence, so blame The Man. No education? Well, it can't possibly be because you didn't pay attention in school, so it must be a conspiracy. Poor? Having several kids with as many fathers when you couldn't really provide for one in the first place is surely not your fault, society's to blame. And when you're too goddamn lazy or stupid or horny to put a rubber on your willy, then surely it must be someone else's fault when you get AIDS too.
Sadly it also shows something of a pattern in any welfare state: The increasing lack of desire and ability to take responsibility for one's own life. Everything is always somebody else's fault. Don't have a job? Well, an utter lack of skills, a bad attitude and poor grooming should be of no consequence, so blame The Man. No education? Well, it can't possibly be because you didn't pay attention in school, so it must be a conspiracy. Poor? Having several kids with as many fathers when you couldn't really provide for one in the first place is surely not your fault, society's to blame. And when you're too goddamn lazy or stupid or horny to put a rubber on your willy, then surely it must be someone else's fault when you get AIDS too.
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Friday, January 21, 2005
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Condie kicks butt
The Senate Foreign Affairs committee today voted 16-2 in favor of approving Condoleezza Rice for the post of Secretary of State. I could wax lyrical about the political and historical implications of this, but after seeing some of the images from the confirmation hearings I decided to take the low road instead (no surprise there):
"Senator Kennedy... how many fingers am I holding up?"
(Yes, yes, I know he's not on the committee, but this pic was just too damn good to pass up)
"This is your brain, Senator Kerry"
"And this is your brain, Senator Boxer"
"Please don't make me hurt you, I just got a manicure..."
"Noooo! Don't hurt us! We'll confirm you!"
"Damn, she's even scarier than Teresa..."
"You're my bitches! Yeah!"
In conclusion: Condi for prez in '08!
"Senator Kennedy... how many fingers am I holding up?"
(Yes, yes, I know he's not on the committee, but this pic was just too damn good to pass up)
"This is your brain, Senator Kerry"
"And this is your brain, Senator Boxer"
"Please don't make me hurt you, I just got a manicure..."
"Noooo! Don't hurt us! We'll confirm you!"
"Damn, she's even scarier than Teresa..."
"You're my bitches! Yeah!"
In conclusion: Condi for prez in '08!
More news you can't make up
A country singer named "Kinky" Friedman is running for governor of Texas.
Feel free to come up with your own jokes, I can't be bothered *L*.
Feel free to come up with your own jokes, I can't be bothered *L*.
A jury of their peers
This article tells of "the jury pool from hell" - apparently several of the people who were chosen for jury duty in a case in Tennessee were pretty shady characters themselves (read the whole thing, it's hilarious).
Now, I realize that the Constitution guarantees a trial by jury (article 3, section 2), but people... that document, however much I respect and admire it, was written in a very different time. The distance between the rulers and the ruled was greater, and this particular point was written against the historical background of American colonists being hounded by British judges. The jury was an understandable defense mechanism for that sociey, at that time. In addition, most people back then had a notion of responsibility and civic pride - being on a jury was something honorable.
Today, most people seem to dread the prospect of jury duty (unless we're talking high profile cases, in which jurors may get their ugly mugs on tv, get paid for interviews, etc). Cases are usually more complex and more technical, and they go on for longer. So I guess America needs to consider if it's really such a smart idea to let questions of guilt vs innocence or life vs death be decided by people too stupid to avoid jury duty.
Personally, I don't think so. I just know that if I were innocent, I would MUCH rather take my case to a trained judge with years of advanced law studies behind him than some schmuck off the street who would decide my fate on heaven knows what basis...
Now, I realize that the Constitution guarantees a trial by jury (article 3, section 2), but people... that document, however much I respect and admire it, was written in a very different time. The distance between the rulers and the ruled was greater, and this particular point was written against the historical background of American colonists being hounded by British judges. The jury was an understandable defense mechanism for that sociey, at that time. In addition, most people back then had a notion of responsibility and civic pride - being on a jury was something honorable.
Today, most people seem to dread the prospect of jury duty (unless we're talking high profile cases, in which jurors may get their ugly mugs on tv, get paid for interviews, etc). Cases are usually more complex and more technical, and they go on for longer. So I guess America needs to consider if it's really such a smart idea to let questions of guilt vs innocence or life vs death be decided by people too stupid to avoid jury duty.
Personally, I don't think so. I just know that if I were innocent, I would MUCH rather take my case to a trained judge with years of advanced law studies behind him than some schmuck off the street who would decide my fate on heaven knows what basis...
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
One down...
THIS sounds like an obvious candidate for the Darwin Awards.
I hope the woman didn't have any kids - people this stupid ... simply ... should ... not ... breed ...
I hope the woman didn't have any kids - people this stupid ... simply ... should ... not ... breed ...
Sunday, January 16, 2005
One more for the road
Since it's Sunday and you've all been so good (meaning BAD), I'll give you a bonus picture.
Anti-globalist thugs
There was a story in The Times of India Tuesday about employees in call centers being subjected to racist phone calls from Americans. Apparently, there's something of a movement among certain people with sloping foreheads and its aim is to harass workers in call centers located outside the US sufficiently to make them quit their jobs, so these jobs can go back to the US again.
There are several things one could say about this. First of all, it is symptomatic of the stupidity of these people that they think their verbal bullying could actually scare off the potentially millions of Indians who could perform these jobs.
Secondly, they are a shame to any civilized society, and certainly to America's. Myths and doomsayers aside, America is a giant success in terms of race relations - name any country with even remotely the same influence of minority groups in all aspects of public life - the cabinet, the legislature, the arts, entertainment, sports, business etc. While far from perfect, the US is generally miles ahead in terms of peaceful co-existence, co-operation and civil behavior in a society containing an enormous variety of ethnic, religious, racial and political groups. (Did you know that Swedes have a lower standard of living than African-Americans? Did you know that Germany is poorer than 46 of America's 50 states?)
Thirdly - and this is really my main point today - the story from India serves so well to illustrate the underlying thuggery inherent in all opponents of globalization and free trade. You see, the only way to actually stop people from trading freely, in a global market, is to use violence or the threat thereof. If person A in the United States wants to buy something from person B in India, this transaction will take place unless person C either bullies or forces one or both parties into submission.
This may take many different shapes. When politicians do it, it will be in the shape of quotas, tariffs and outright bans. They will use the means of violence at their disposal to enforce them - such as the military, the police, customs controls, taxation, imprisonment, etc.
When individuals (who lack the massive powers of oppression available to governments) do it, it will be in the forms of burning down immigrants' shops, blockading transport (the favorite of French farmers), firebombing and thrashing McDonalds restaurants (another French favorite) or bullying foreigners, such as in the case reported in the article above. Of all these immoral and hurtful acts, the verbal abuse quoted in the article is actually the least despicable, since words will hurt nothing but feelings, while the thuggery of politicians will actually destroy jobs.
The basic aim and the basic methods of criminals, racists and politicians are, however, the same: They wish to prevent human beings from voluntary, mutually beneficient interactions, and they are willing to use thuggery and harassment to succeed. There is no real difference between the Neanderthals calling up Indian workers to harass them and the pampered, pin-stripe-suited thugs in trade unions, lobby groups, political offices or, for that matter, in the horribly misguided (and horribly clothed) anti-globalization movements of the world.
They are all thugs, because the only way they can ever win is through bullying and violence.
There are several things one could say about this. First of all, it is symptomatic of the stupidity of these people that they think their verbal bullying could actually scare off the potentially millions of Indians who could perform these jobs.
Secondly, they are a shame to any civilized society, and certainly to America's. Myths and doomsayers aside, America is a giant success in terms of race relations - name any country with even remotely the same influence of minority groups in all aspects of public life - the cabinet, the legislature, the arts, entertainment, sports, business etc. While far from perfect, the US is generally miles ahead in terms of peaceful co-existence, co-operation and civil behavior in a society containing an enormous variety of ethnic, religious, racial and political groups. (Did you know that Swedes have a lower standard of living than African-Americans? Did you know that Germany is poorer than 46 of America's 50 states?)
Thirdly - and this is really my main point today - the story from India serves so well to illustrate the underlying thuggery inherent in all opponents of globalization and free trade. You see, the only way to actually stop people from trading freely, in a global market, is to use violence or the threat thereof. If person A in the United States wants to buy something from person B in India, this transaction will take place unless person C either bullies or forces one or both parties into submission.
This may take many different shapes. When politicians do it, it will be in the shape of quotas, tariffs and outright bans. They will use the means of violence at their disposal to enforce them - such as the military, the police, customs controls, taxation, imprisonment, etc.
When individuals (who lack the massive powers of oppression available to governments) do it, it will be in the forms of burning down immigrants' shops, blockading transport (the favorite of French farmers), firebombing and thrashing McDonalds restaurants (another French favorite) or bullying foreigners, such as in the case reported in the article above. Of all these immoral and hurtful acts, the verbal abuse quoted in the article is actually the least despicable, since words will hurt nothing but feelings, while the thuggery of politicians will actually destroy jobs.
The basic aim and the basic methods of criminals, racists and politicians are, however, the same: They wish to prevent human beings from voluntary, mutually beneficient interactions, and they are willing to use thuggery and harassment to succeed. There is no real difference between the Neanderthals calling up Indian workers to harass them and the pampered, pin-stripe-suited thugs in trade unions, lobby groups, political offices or, for that matter, in the horribly misguided (and horribly clothed) anti-globalization movements of the world.
They are all thugs, because the only way they can ever win is through bullying and violence.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
More news you can't make up
A company in Vermont has created a special Valentine's Day Teddy Bear...
...in a STRAITJACKET.
According to the article, "The $69.95 stuffed animal is called the "Crazy for You Bear" and comes with its own commitment papers."
What will they think of next? A children's psychologist bear, maybe?
I know this bear isn't meant for kids, but some of them are bound to end up in the rooms of smaller siblings of the original recipients. America: Prepare for a steep increase in school violence over the next few years...
Being a teacher, I naturally hate kids, and this product reminded me of one of the items featured in Dave Barry's 2004 gift guide. That one also made me laugh out loud...
...in a STRAITJACKET.
According to the article, "The $69.95 stuffed animal is called the "Crazy for You Bear" and comes with its own commitment papers."
What will they think of next? A children's psychologist bear, maybe?
I know this bear isn't meant for kids, but some of them are bound to end up in the rooms of smaller siblings of the original recipients. America: Prepare for a steep increase in school violence over the next few years...
Being a teacher, I naturally hate kids, and this product reminded me of one of the items featured in Dave Barry's 2004 gift guide. That one also made me laugh out loud...
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
*yawn*
Since I'm too lazy to post any stories or such today, I'll just give you some more random blasphemy...
Sunday, January 9, 2005
Saturday, January 8, 2005
Happy Birthday, Elvis!
Ohhhh YES... The King is still alive... but he's NOT flippin' burgers in Bumfuck, Idaho, if that's what you've been thinking...
One for the soccer fans
Note to the yanks out there: David Beckham is a famous soccer player. The pun is a play on the title of a British movie.
Soccer. Hmmm. I can feel a rant coming on.
FOOTBALL, we call it in the rest of the world...
You know, the game where the ball is played using your foot, not your hand - hence the name.
Clueless cowboys! *hrmph*
Wednesday, January 5, 2005
My name is N.N. and I have a buying problem
I should like to form a new organization, and call it BBA - Book Buyers Anonymous. I have this little problem, you see: I can't seem to enter a bookstore without buying something. Usually lots of something, if you get my drift.
Consider the evidence:
Yesterday I entered a relatively new store in Oslo that sells exclusively paperbacks. They have a fair selection of English-language books there, and these are all offered at a discount - buy four, get the cheapest one for free. The first time I was there, just before Christmas, I left with four books, yesterday I stopped at eight (total price ca $125). I'm almost afraid to go there again for fear I'll have to buy a wheelbarrow first.
In '96 I was on a study trip to London (this was back when I studied English in college). I had been to London before, but I'd never really had the time to do any serious shopping. On this trip however, I found a brilliant store, the store of my wet dreams. Its name has long since escaped my rapidly decaying memory, but it was located in Shaftesbury Avenue, not very far up from Piccadilly Circus. They mainly sold books they'd snapped up for next to nothing from failed bookshops or publishers, or secondhand stuff. They had lots of weird books that not even I would consider buying, but they also had lots of good stuff. There were thick, heavy paperback volumes of poetry, classics, biographies, history, etc in the £1-2 range. They also had some very interesting and very cheap hardbacks, some of them of considerable size. I got a huge, richly illustrated version of "The Anglo Saxon Chronicles" for £15, which was half price.
I had some fellow student help me place it all in my arms, and when I approached the checkout my knees were trembling, my fingers on the point of breaking and I could not see over the top of the pile. Quite possibly I'd soiled myself too. At the airport a few days later, I had to go around and beg those of my fellow students who had any room and weight left to take some of my books. My own suitcase and a whole bag - a rather large one - was already stuffed to breaking point. The bag did in fact break, the whole side was torn up when it arrived in Oslo. I've been to this shop once since, and I bought a fair amount then too, but the last time I was in London I couldn't find it, so I guess they had to close. Or maybe my last purchase there simply enabled them to retire.
I also remember my first trip to the US, back in '97. I had never been to a Barnes & Noble before, and almost wet myself in the American History section. Tons of wonderful stuff you'd be hard pressed to find in Norway, or indeed continental Europe, filled every shelf. I don't remember how many books I got, but I think I forked over something in the vicinity of $5-600. I was panting, sweating, drooling, and mumbling incoherently to myself. My American friends watched me, at first somewhat bemused, then, in rapid succession, concerned, shocked and finally afraid of physical injury. I was, quite simply, a man possessed. Hauling my loot off in several plastic bags that looked about to burst at the slightest provocation, I decided I had to take some drastic measures.
So I bought a suitcase.
Yes, dear reader. I bought a new suitcase just to carry all the books. A cheap suitcase, yes - a discounted suitcase even. But a new suitcase, nonetheless. A couple of weeks later I had to pay British Airways something like $50 in overweight (for the baggage, not myself).
Of course, buying books is not strictly speaking an expense. Rather, I prefer to think of it as an investment.
At least that's what I'll claim until I've got this BBA thing up and running.
Consider the evidence:
Yesterday I entered a relatively new store in Oslo that sells exclusively paperbacks. They have a fair selection of English-language books there, and these are all offered at a discount - buy four, get the cheapest one for free. The first time I was there, just before Christmas, I left with four books, yesterday I stopped at eight (total price ca $125). I'm almost afraid to go there again for fear I'll have to buy a wheelbarrow first.
In '96 I was on a study trip to London (this was back when I studied English in college). I had been to London before, but I'd never really had the time to do any serious shopping. On this trip however, I found a brilliant store, the store of my wet dreams. Its name has long since escaped my rapidly decaying memory, but it was located in Shaftesbury Avenue, not very far up from Piccadilly Circus. They mainly sold books they'd snapped up for next to nothing from failed bookshops or publishers, or secondhand stuff. They had lots of weird books that not even I would consider buying, but they also had lots of good stuff. There were thick, heavy paperback volumes of poetry, classics, biographies, history, etc in the £1-2 range. They also had some very interesting and very cheap hardbacks, some of them of considerable size. I got a huge, richly illustrated version of "The Anglo Saxon Chronicles" for £15, which was half price.
I had some fellow student help me place it all in my arms, and when I approached the checkout my knees were trembling, my fingers on the point of breaking and I could not see over the top of the pile. Quite possibly I'd soiled myself too. At the airport a few days later, I had to go around and beg those of my fellow students who had any room and weight left to take some of my books. My own suitcase and a whole bag - a rather large one - was already stuffed to breaking point. The bag did in fact break, the whole side was torn up when it arrived in Oslo. I've been to this shop once since, and I bought a fair amount then too, but the last time I was in London I couldn't find it, so I guess they had to close. Or maybe my last purchase there simply enabled them to retire.
I also remember my first trip to the US, back in '97. I had never been to a Barnes & Noble before, and almost wet myself in the American History section. Tons of wonderful stuff you'd be hard pressed to find in Norway, or indeed continental Europe, filled every shelf. I don't remember how many books I got, but I think I forked over something in the vicinity of $5-600. I was panting, sweating, drooling, and mumbling incoherently to myself. My American friends watched me, at first somewhat bemused, then, in rapid succession, concerned, shocked and finally afraid of physical injury. I was, quite simply, a man possessed. Hauling my loot off in several plastic bags that looked about to burst at the slightest provocation, I decided I had to take some drastic measures.
So I bought a suitcase.
Yes, dear reader. I bought a new suitcase just to carry all the books. A cheap suitcase, yes - a discounted suitcase even. But a new suitcase, nonetheless. A couple of weeks later I had to pay British Airways something like $50 in overweight (for the baggage, not myself).
Of course, buying books is not strictly speaking an expense. Rather, I prefer to think of it as an investment.
At least that's what I'll claim until I've got this BBA thing up and running.
Monday, January 3, 2005
Priorities, people!
My sympathy for Thailand in the wake of the tsunami dropped considerably when I read that they're now using time and people on saving two goddamn DOLPHINS! Divers, rescue workers, airplanes, fishing nets... these things can't be put to better use than helping two of Flippers retarded cousins???
Hmmm... I wonder if dolphins taste like chicken?
Hmmm... I wonder if dolphins taste like chicken?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
