Who's yer daddy

Speculation is running high as to who will be the next top guy in drag at the Vatican. Personally, I'm rooting for cardinal Francis Arinze of Nigeria. The reason as simple as it is cynical: I want as many people as possible to turn their backs on the last remnant of the dark ages, the last absolute monarchy, the last theocracy, the last institutionalized denial of modern science - the Catholic Church. And besides the fact that Arinze (like most cardinals) is a reactionary, homophobic neanderthal, nothing is going to send working-class American and European Catholics scurrying away from the Mother(fuckin') Church faster than a black pope. Sad, sad, sad - but oh! so true.