Quote of the Day

Only shallow people do not judge by appearances.
- Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Day

Bad artists always admire each other's work. They call it being large-minded and free from prejudice.
- Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Day

There is always more books than brains in an aristocracy.
- Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Day

It's Oscar Wilde week!

I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Day

If there is only one Creator who made the tiger and the lamb, the cheetah and the gazelle, what is he playing at? Is he a sadist who enjoys spectator blood sports? ... Is he maneuvering to maximize David Attenborough’s television ratings?
- Richard Dawkins

Off to Engerland

At the risk of jinxing this whole house selling thing, I've booked a flight to Engerlandshire on Tuesday September 27, with a return on Thursday October 20. This time I plan on doing the south, which I've sadly neglected so far on my numerous trips to Ole Blighty. Apart from a weekend in Eastbourne I haven't really been much south of London at all.

This is my itinerary so far. If you have any tips, hints, ideas please share in the comments section. I'm especially looking for stuff in Cornwall, Chester and the area between Chester and Crawley (yeah, I know... not very specific).

9/27: Arrival at Gatwick in the evening. Pick up rental car & spend the night in Crawley.

9/28: Maybe start the day with a quick detour up to Gravesend to catch the Pocahontas memorial. On to Canterbury to see the Castle and the Roman Museum*. Also the City Museum*, maybe next day.

9/29: Sometime before noon make my way to Dover to see the Castle.

9/30: On to Hastings to see the local Castle* and take in Battle, where the actual shit went down in 1066.

10/1: On to Pevensey Castle, then Lewes Castle*. Spend the night in Chichester.

10/2 & 10/3: Isle of Wight. Take a ferry from Portsmouth, then stay on Wight for two nights. I got two things on my list - Osborne House and Carisbrooke Castle. Probably spend the rest of my days there just walking and driving around.

10/4: Ferry to Lymington, then drive north to Salisbury. See the local museum* plus maybe Old Sarum.

10/5: North to Stonehenge, then southwest to the Exeter area where I'll spend the night before entering Dartmoor National Park.

10/6: Here's where it gets cloudy. I'm planning on driving through Dartmoor and into Cornwall. I have six days to do & see Cornwall before I hit Devon again, but I haven't booked a single hotel room between the 6th and the 12h. I have a rough list of things to see in Cornwall, most of them connected to English Heritage properties, where I can get in for free due to my Life Membership in Historic Scotland (insert mad cackle):

St Catherine's Castle, Fowey
Restormel Castle, Lostwithiel
Royal Cornwall Museum, Truro
St Mawes Castle
Pendennis Castle, Falmouth
Lizard Point
St Michael’s Mount*
Chysauster Ancient Village, Newmill
Land’s End
Wayside Folk Museum, St Ives
The Arthurian Centre*, Camelford
Tintagel Castle
Launceston Castle

10/12 & 10/13: Drive up to Ilfracombe in Devon. Spend two days there, probably doing Exmoor National Park.

10/14 - 10/16: Long ass drive up to Chester, which is almost in Wales. Spend the weekend, meet an old friend, do the town.

10/17 & 10/18: No idea. Prolly make my way south again.

10/19: Maybe do Ashdown Forest, which was the inspiration for A. A. Milne's books about Winnie the Pooh. Anyway, I gotta make it to Crawley sometime during the day.

10/20: Fly out from Gatwick in the morning.

(* = Places I will have to pay actual money to get in, which will probably cause me to cry blood from my beady little eyes)

Quote of the Day

In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others.
- Andre Maurois

Quote of the Day

Only servants apologize.
- Alan Clarke

Quote of the Day

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
- Fred Allen

Quote of the Day

No dictator, no invader, can hold an imprisoned population by force of arms forever. There is no greater power in the universe than the need for freedom. Against that power, governments and tyrants and armies cannot stand.
- J. Michael Straczynski

Quote of the Day

A mob is the scum that rises upmost when the nation boils.
- John Dryden

Quote of the Day

'tis Woody Allen week...

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
- Woody Allen

Quote of the Day

All thinking men are atheists.
- Ernest Hemingway

Quote of the Day

I think sex between a man and woman is beautiful. Of course, a lot depends on the man and woman you are between.
- Woody Allen

Giving away & selling stuff

As some of you may know, I am going to sell my half of the house I live in per ultimo September and then go on a walkabout till sometime next summer. The only thing I have down as certain is a trip to the US from Oct 26 till Jan 22 (more about that later).

I'm currently in the process of cleaning out more than 15 years of accumulated mess, and a lot of it is only fit for throwing away. But I also have some books that I have read several times (or concluded that I am never going to read) and some DVDs (Zone 2, Europe) that I've also seen umpteen times and want to get rid of. Rather than throw it out I want to see if I can sell or give it away.

So I'm simply going to list all the stuff I want to give away or sell here and y'all can use the comments or go to Facebook or Twitter. Or just send an email to gilhuus@hotmail.com.

You can either make a cash offer or try to convince me why YOU should be the one to receive an item. I can deliver stuff personally in Oslo (mid September at the latest) or I can send the item by mail, in which case YOU must pay the postage. The process will end either on Wednesday August 24 at 9PM Norwegian time, at which point it's getting thrown away or at such time that I've gotten enough cash offers or good stories to wrap it all up. Aight?

UPDATE WEDNESDAY AUGUST 24 - Here's the updated list and there's still some real goodies here. Remember, these are given away (small uhm... donations appreciated):

BOOKS:

"The Thousand Nights and One Night" - A four-volume hardcover box of scholarly translations of the classic work. I haven't touched it since I bought it.

"The Rebus books" - All of Ian Rankin's series about Inspector Rebus except "Black & Blue", but there are also some Rankin books that are NOT Rebus books in there. 25 books in all, paperback.

DVD:

"Fawlty Towers" - The complete set. Don't worry, I'm not insane - I have a double!

"A fistful of dollars" - A classic movie, of which I have a double.

"Man with the naked gun" - the 3 movies in one.

Quote of the Day

The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance -- it is the illusion of knowledge.
- Daniel J. Boorstin

Quote of the Day

A government with the policy to rob Peter to pay Paul can be assured of the support of Paul.
- George Bernard Shaw

Quote of the Day

Efficiency is intelligent laziness.
- David Dunham

Quote of the Day

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
- George Burns

Quote of the Day

Colleges don't make fools. They only develop them.
- George Lorimer

Quote of the Day

Once again decent citizens will be able to enter this house of worship, kneel down in front of a nearly-naked man hanging from a wooden apparatus by a series of gruesome body piercings, and engage in their bizarre practices of ritualized blood-drinking and cannibalism without being assaulted by graphic images of attractive young women with bare breasts.
- A. Whitney Brown

Quote of the Day

I’ve never any pity for conceited people, because I think they carry their comfort about with them.
- George Eliot

Quote of the Day

I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
- Ashleigh Brilliant

Quote of the Day

"Automatic" simply means that you can't repair it yourself.
- Frank Capra

Quote of the Day

Early to rise, early to bed,
Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
- Animaniacs

Quote of the Day

Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.
- Joseph Addison

Quote of the Day

No matter how dull, or how mean, or how wise a man is, he feels that happiness is his indisputable right.
- Samuel Johnson

Quote of the Day

There is no safety for honest men but by believing all possible evil of evil men.
- Edmund Burke

Quote of the Day

If at first you do succeed - try to hide your astonishment.
- Harry F. Banks

Quote of the Day

I don’t think we’re here for anything, we’re just products of evolution. You can say ‘Gee, your life must be pretty bleak if you don’t think there’s a purpose’ but I’m anticipating a good lunch.
- Dr. James Watson, winner of the Nobel prize for his co-discovery of the structure of DNA

Quote of the Day

"If I'm not back in five minutes … just wait longer!"
- Jim Carrey in "Ace Ventura, Pet Detective"

Quote of the Day

Tradition is what you resort to when you don't have the time or the money to do it right.
- Kurt Herbert Adler

Quote of the Day

Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain

Quote of the Day

An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
- Agatha Christie

Quote of the Day

I am surrounded by priests who repeat incessantly that their kingdom is not of this world, and yet they lay their hands on everything they can get.
- Napoleon Bonaparte

Quote of the Day

It's simply wrong to always order [kids] to stop that fighting. There are times when one child is simply defending his rights and damned well should be fighting.
- Erna Bombeck

Quote of the Day

The world’s as ugly, ay, as sin,
And almost as delightful.
- Frederick Locker-Lampson

Quote of the Day

The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
- Abbie Hoffman

Quote of the Day

Public opinion is no more than this: What people think that other people think.
- Alfred Austin

Quote of the Day

The man who never alters his opinions is like standing water, and breeds reptiles of the mind.
- William Blake

Quote of the Day

Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.
- Rudyard Kipling

Quote of the Day

All wrong-doing is done in the sincere belief that it is the best thing to do.
- Arnold Bennett

Quote of the Day

The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense.
- Tom Clancy

Who did it

I know I'm going out on a limb here, but this is clearly the guys whose picture several media have printed in a scrambled version. The name is known in the sphere of journalists. So here he is, the killer of an as yet unknown number of people through a bombing in downtown Oslo and a massacre at the Labor Party Youth summer camp ut Utøya.

May he be given a swift and fair trial, followed by a swift and fair hanging.

Quote of the Day

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
- Woody Allen

Quote of the Day

There's nothing wrong with the younger generation that becoming taxpayers won't cure.
- Dan Bennett

Quote of the Day

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
- Elizabeth Taylor

Quote of the Day

Wealth is not without its advantages, and the case to the contrary, although it has often been made, has never proved widely persuasive.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

Quote of the Day

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
- Phyllis Diller

Quote of the Day

Those who invalidate reason ought seriously to consider whether they argue against reason with or without reason; if with reason, then they establish the principles that they are laboring to dethrone: but if they argue without reason (which, in order to be consistent with themselves they must do), they are out of reach of rational conviction, nor do they deserve a rational argument.
- Ethan Allen

Quote of the Day

If all the world’s economists were laid end to end, we wouldn’t reach a conclusion.
- William Baumol

Quote of the Day

How much trouble he avoids who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks.
- Marcus Aurelius

Quote of the Day

The moment you're born you're done for.
- Arnold Bennet

Quote of the Day

It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins.
- Chinese Proverb

Quote of the Day

I don't use drugs, my dreams are frightening enough.
- Mauritis Escher

Quote of the Day

Too much sanity may be madness. And maddest of all, to see life as it is and not as it should be!
- Miguel de Cervantes

Quote of the Day

Superstition is the religion of feeble minds.
- Edmund Burke

Quote of the Day

Give a man free hands, and you'll soon have them all over you.
- Mae West

Quote of the Day

Mind unemployed is mind unenjoyed.
- Christian Nestell Bovee

Quote of the Day

I don’t necessarily agree with everything I say.
- Marshall McLuhan

Quote of the Day

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
- Woody Allen

I made another doo doo!

My blog "Ask a Norwegian" is now available as an e-book at Amazon Kindle. (You can download a Kindle for PC for free at Amazon. Also, for Iphone, Ipads, Blackberry, Android.)

For Americans it costs $10, for others $13.80: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0059XPVIO

For UK citizens the price is converted from $ (I'm not from the UK so I can't actually SEE their price): https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0059XPVIO

For assorted Eurotrash it costs less than 8 Euro, you can buy it from German Amazon: https://www.amazon.de/dp/B0059XPVIO

Below is the product description, written by yours truly. If you're still not convinced, pop over to http://www.askanorwegian.blogspot.com and read some stuff for free... then go over to Amazon and make me rich!

Yours greedily,

Ghost


Product Description


Originally a blog, now in book form comes the legendary* tales of the cold lands of the north! All the questions about Norway and Norwegians you never knew you wanted answered!** This book will not only enlighten you about Norway, but also insult quite a few other nationalities, species and sexes in addition.

Why are Norwegians so restrained, and are they really rude? What should you eat in Norway or see in Oslo? What is the most common pet? And are Swedes actually human? The answer to these and many more questions are found in this book.

Excerpts:

"There's ample opportunity for bathing, though I've never tested the waters myself for fear of getting harpooned."

"The Danes are generally drunk out of their minds, the Swedes are incapable of feeling emotions and most Norwegians just don't care about you, because we know we're better than you are."

"...today's Bergensians: The bastard offspring of horny, drunken Krauts and Norwegian prostitutes."

"The most common animals are cats, dogs and Swedes ... for disciplining domesticated Swedes, I recommend a rolled up newspaper or a Colt .45, depending on the transgression."

"Because, no matter how hard we've partied, no matter how much we puked (and on whom), no matter how big of an ass we made of ourselves we can always take comfort in this: At least we're not Germans."

"Cabins should have no water or electricity, in fact as few modern conveniences as possible. This is to ensure that the first several hours of any visit will, by necessity, be spent chopping wood and/or pumping water manually into buckets or containers, or carried up steep slopes from the nearest lake or river - which may be a mile's walk or more."

"Ours is an unappetizing hodgepodge of something that looks like it has already been vomited and redigested at least twice, and from the looks of it, the chief ingredients are corn (maize), sour cream and rat."

"Norway is a Lutheran country and until a relatively short time ago, most Norwegians never had sex, we reproduced through cell division or Immaculate Conception."

"Norway, like Sweden has a long tradition for bestiality..."

"...men are from Earth and women from Venus, or some other planet where the weather is permanently foggy and so communication is always fraught with dangers."


* Almost unknown.
** Well, some of them.***
*** Only a few, really.

Quote of the Day

Tradition may be defined as an extension of the franchise. Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead.
- G. K. Chesterton

Quote of the Day

Firearms stand next in importance to the Constitution itself. They are the American people’s liberty teeth and keystone under independence. From the hour the Pilgrims landed, to the present day, events, occurrences and tendencies prove that to ensure peace, security and happiness, the rifle and pistol are equally indispensable.
- George Washington

Quote of the Day

Nothing is more dreaded than the national government meddling with religion.
- John Adams

Quote of the Day

An association of men who will not quarrel with one another is a thing which has never yet existed, from the greatest confederacy of nations down to a town meeting or a vestry.
- Thomas Jefferson

Quote of the Day

Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

I made doo doo (also known as a poem)!

I dunno iffin you've heard of this, but American children's book author Adam Mansbach has gone and written a funny little thing called "Go the fuck to sleep." 'tis about 15 short verses long, with illustrations, and let me tell you, the audiobook, narrated by Samuel L. Jackson is hilarious.

Anyways, as ya'll know there's nothing I desire more than tons of money in exchange for minimal work, so I've gone and written my own version, called "Eat your fucking food." I have uploaded it as an e-book at Amazon Kindle in the US, where it costs $1.99 for yanks and $3.99 for Norwegians and heaven knows how much for others, I guess it all depends on where you're browsing from.

Most Norwegians would probably like to order it (I know I am blatantly assuming that most Norwegians would, in fact, want to order it at all) from the German version of Amazon, where it'll set you back €1.60 - sumfin' like NOK 13. As far as I can tell the Kraut version caters to most of the rest of the European market as well. Iffin yer in Engerland or Scotland, the book is also avaliable at the UK Amazon at a converted rate, but only for UK customers. Splendid isolation my ass.

It's 17 stanzas of foul-mouthed fun. Every single stanza contains one end rhyme (legal guarantee!) and it even has two more stanzas than "Go the fuck to sleep" so that's 13% more content. No pretty drawings though, but you prolly wouldn't be able to see them very well on a kindle anyways. Or so I hope.

The book is made of 100% recycled electrons, so you purchasing this book will allow one rare, multicolored frog in the rainforests of Cameroon to live appx. five minutes longer than it otherwise would have. So go ahead and buy, buy, buy! Think of it as buying yer old (or new, as the case may be) pal a cup of coffee - or, knowing me, hot chocolate and a small apple tart on the side. With cream. Anyways, when I'm rich and famous I'll buy you one back, pwomise! (Not a legal guarantee!)

Quote of the Day

It's more fun writing bad books than reading good ones.
- Werner Lansburgh

Quote of the Day

‘Tis strange - but true; for truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.
- Lord Byron

Quote of the Day

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
- Elayne Boosler

Quote of the Day

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
- Frank Sinatra

Quote of the Day

There are many methods for predicting the future. For example, you can read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls. Collectively, these methods are known as 'nutty methods.' Or you can put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer models, more commonly referred to as "a complete waste of time".
- Scott Adams

Quote of the Day

A:>hello
bad command or file name
A:>help
bad command or file name
A:>do something!
bad command or file name
A:> F#$k you!!!!
bad command or file name, A#% hole
- Dave Barry, (from "Dave Barry in Cyberspace")

Quote of the Day

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
- Charlie McCarthy

Quote of the Day

Ish at the US Embassy's early 4th of July bash today... wheeee!

We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal and independent; that from that equal creation they derive rights inherent and inalienable, among which are the preservation of life, and liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; that to secure these ends, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just power from the consent of the governed; that whenever any form of government shall become destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying it's foundation on such principles and organizing it's power in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.
- Thomas Jefferson, original draft of The Declaration of Independence

Quote of the Day

Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if you run out of food.
- Dean McLaughlin

Quote of the Day

Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours.
- Frank Colby

Quote of the Day

A thing of beauty is a joy forever.
- John Keats

Quote of the Day

God made his only son die on the cross to avenge his own anger against a man and woman four thousand years dead. Besides, the garbage disposal was sending radio signals through his head and it seemed like a really good idea at the time.
- Charles Fiterman

Quote of the Day

I am not over-fond of resisting temptation.
- William Beckford

Silence of the lamb

I live in a house surrounded by fields on appx 2.5 sides, fields where sheep graze for several months every year. As sure as these dirty-white little fluffballs will keep me awake at all hours of the night with their incessant meeeehing, every damn year some of 'em will escape through a hole in the fence or crawl under it (or simply levitate over, I have no idea how they manage to escape sometimes).

When I came home from what I laughingly refer to as "work" this afternoon, a ewe with a lamb had managed to get out and were at first slumbering peacefully in the garage, safely snuggled up out of the rain. Later they went around the garden, stuffing their little snouts on the... ahem... pristine pastures of uncut weeds grass, where I managed to get some pics of 'em. Enjoy... they sure did!

Ma went for the tall grass while the lil' one decided to check out the bushes by the tree.


After two seconds he was stuffing his face with green leaves.




He was even gnawing on the bark of the tree. Greedy lil' bastard!


Meanwhile, Mother was sniffing the flowers and chewing grass.


Having finished with the flowers, Mother turned her attention to the plants.

Quote of the Day

The most pernicious of absurdities is that weak, blind, stupid faith is better than the constant practice of every human virtue.
- Walter Savage Landor

Quote of the Day

I was external examiner today at another school...

I felt this incredible surge of power, like God must feel when he's holding a gun.
- Homer Simpson

Quote of the Day

The greatest masterpieces were once only pigments on a palette.
- Henry S. Haskins

Quote of the Day

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
- Scott Adams

Quote of the Day

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.
- Winston Churchill

Quote of the Day

Universal deities... never seem to smile. Not in any culture. What’s the point of having omnipotence if you don’t enjoy it?
- Jack McDevitt

Quote of the Day

Money is a strange thing. It ranks with love as our greatest source of joy, and with death as our greatest source of anxiety.
- Joe Moore

Quote of the Day

A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on.
- William S. Burroughs

Quote of the Day

I do most of my work sitting down, that’s where I shine.
- Robert Benchley

Weiner II

Since Congressman Weiner's nekkid chest has ben splattered all over the internets, I think it's only fair that I come clean with full disclosure too!

This picture looks like:

1) Some hairy animal died a horrible death on someone's puny chest...
2) The latest in fur fashon from the Alabama Company of Assorted Dead Critters...
3) The chest of this blog's author...
4) All of the above...

Quote of the Day

A gentleman will not insult me, and no man not a gentleman can insult me.
- Frederick Douglass

Quote of the Day

Everything comes to those who wait... except a cat.
- Mario Andretti

Quote of the Day

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
- Robert F. Kennedy

Quote of the Day

If there were less sympathy in the world, there would be less trouble in the world.
- Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Day

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
- Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Day

Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success.
- Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Day

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Day

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
- Oscar Wilde