Why?

Saw this at the movie theatre Thursday. Why, Lord? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

Oh yes!

Finally, JUSTICE: "Man shot dead for eating popcorn too loudly during Black Swan". For further reading, I refer to my previous post Movie Theatre Etiquette.

Sweet irony

You may remember how former prez George W. Bush caught heat because he kept pronouncing "nuclear" as "nucUlear"? Yesterday I saw "The China Syndrome", and guess who did the same thing? Michael Douglas.

The Runaways

I went and saw "The Runaways" yesterday and was pleasantly surprised. Strong story, good acting and 90 minutes of rocking good music. Kristen Stewart shows she can do more than being damsel in distress in stupid vampire movies, and Dakota Fanning has definitely grown up for good. Rock on!

Pussywhipped

Last night I went and saw the latest Robin Hood movie with Russell Crowe as the title character. It was actually pretty good, but what was blogworthy was this: The movie was showing simultaneously with "Sex and the City 2", and the theatre hall was PACKED with teenaged girls, most of them made up and dressed up like nobodies' business.

Also in attendance were a small handfull of teenage boys, who I can only describe as looking thoroughly pussywhipped. Those of us going to see Robin Hood sent them looks that probably conveyed equal amounts of pity and contempt, before going off to enjoy our two hours of blood and gore.

Mr DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up

Today I learned the basic tricks of the Moviemaker program, and in a daze of swelled ego and utter lack of critical sense, I made a video. It is a collection of travel pictures from various journeys to the US over the years, to the tune of America The Beautiful. The pics are blurry and the sound file isn't the best. Also, YouTube informed me that due to copyright issues with Sony, my video isn't available in Germany. Don't say I didn't warn ya...

Gran Torino

Just got back from seeing Gran Torino, and I think I saw a fairly accurate portrait of myself 35-40 years from now. Also, I'm thinking about legally changing my name to Walt Kowalski. This is the best movie I've seen in years.

(PS: I saw "Knowing" Monday and what a load of rubbish that was. I don't know how many trucks you could drive through the holes in the plot, but buying them would be enough to save General Motors.)

Watchmen

I saw Watchmen yesterday, and while I'm no fan of that paranoid commie cunt Alan Moore, I enjoyed it. Now, if I can just find some "Rorschach for president" material...

Still in need of a life

How much do I neeed a life? Well, last Friday I bought all 3 Jurassic Park movies, and proceeded to watch them in a row during the afternoon/evening. If that doesn't qualify as desperate, I don't know what would.

Saturday I started watching the X-files, since I'd bought the full 9-season dvd box, and I'm midway throught the 3rd season now... my excuse is that I'm on some heavy antibiotics, so I don't really feel like leaving the house 'cept for work. Though I strongly suspect I'd be sitting on my lard ass in front of the screen anyway...

I wish me a merry Christmas...

I've made many brilliant decisions in my life, but I do believe the shmartest of them all was when I stopped celebrating Christmas, back in '92. I've had stress free Decembers for 15 years now, and I ain't goin' back. On the other hand, every day is pamper myself day, so this morning I bought the complete Seinfeld DVD box and the Twin Peaks Gold Box Edition AND Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl to top it off. Earlier this month I got me a signed copy of Absolute Sandman, volume two plus new books by Stephen Donaldson and Terry Pratchett. Life is good, people. Life is good.

Mooooovies

It's been way too long since I've bored ya'll with my highly subjective and loudly voiced movie reviews. So here goes.

Stardust. Ah. Hmm. Uhm. *sigh* Absofuckinlutely great movie... IF - and only if - you haven't already read and fallen completely in love with the book. Good acting, plenty of fun, humor, action and adventure, all wrapped in the customary romantic light. Which is part of the problem. The book has lots of romance, indeed it depends on it. But not the kind of soppy happy-ever-after commercial blockbuster romance that the movie revels in. There are some pretty fundamental pieces missing in this film version, and it takes away most of the sense of mystery that added so much to the adventure and the melancholy that added so much to the romance in the book. (You'll be horrified at what they've done to the ending, which is possibly one of the saddest but also most beautiful texts ever put to paper.)

Gaiman's work of genius is more complex, more subtle, more sad and infinitely more poetic. By all means, if you don't know the book, go watch the movie; it deserves a fair, unbiased viewing. You'll likely love it, for it is still a good story well told, indeed it is one of the best movies I've seen in ages. But please, please, please go read the book afterwards and allow yourself to fall in love with the masterpiece of the planet's greatest living author - Neil Gaiman.


Planet Terror - Robert Rodriguez' half of the two-piece Grindhouse project he did together with Quentin Tarantino is a true joyride. It's got all the insane, hilarious gore one expects from a good zombie flick and it'll keep you laughing throughout. Good, unpretentious fun for the kids (meaning me)!


The Bourne Ultimatum - I've never cared much for Robert Ludlum (a stuffy Jack Higgins), nor Matt Daemon (a slightly retarded Leonardo DeCaprio), but this movie will rock you. The Bourne franchise has already given James Bond much needed competition and this is so far the best in the series, I think. High paced, full of action and excitement. Also, a journalist with The Guardian gets a bullet in the head, which is always a good thing.


Rush hour 3 - You've seen it all before, but it's still ever so slightly amusing (yes, I'm easy). The personal chemistry between Chan and Tucker creates a good atmosphere, and though the script is ridiculous and the punchlines are worn it still provided for 90 minutes of escape from reality.

Finally

Stardust finally premieres here in Norway Friday 21st! Woo hoo! The book is my absolute all time favorite work of fiction, and I can only hope that the movie is able to convey the humor, warmth, excitement and adventure that is Neil Gaiman's fairyland. If you haven't already read the book, buy it asap. If there's a smidgeon of poetry in your soul you'll love it!

Brief whining about movies

I didn't think it was possible, but they've actually managed to make Pirates III boring. Even more boring than Spiderman 3, which in turn was more boring than Hot Fuzz, which was kinda ok but a huge disappointement compared to the highly misleading previews I'd seen. This year's hypes have all been sadly disappointing, and I'm biting my fingernails down to the bone in fear of what they've done to Die Hard 4, a franchise I've always loved. Yippee-ki-yay!

Getting a life? Not anytime soon.

No, I haven't acquired a life yet... the reason I've been lagging here is mainly due to watching WAY too much TV shows the past month, either on DVD or downloads... To give you a picture of the depth of my problem, this is a list of the stuff I've watched over the past 4-5 weeks: The first five seasons of "24", two and a half seasons of House MD (which I absofuckinlutely LOVE), all the Firefly episodes (plus the movie), the 1st seasons of Rome and Dexter and I'll start on the first two seasons of The Wire next week. And now people are threatening to give me downloads of Prison Break too. How the hell am I supposed to find time to blog???

I'm Lost And I Can't Find My Way Home

"So", I hear you say - for I frequently hear voices - "what have you been doing since you came back from the US?"

"Well", I'll reply - for I don't wish to appear rude, not even to invisible voices - (come to think of it... particularly not to them!) "Mostly, I've been vegetating in front of the computer or the TV."

"Watched anything interesting?", you may or may not ask me.

"Yes", I'll reply, regardless. "There is this series called "Lost", I bought the first season on DVD and watched the first 25 episodes in just two nights. Not that I'm obsessed or anything."

At this point you will either join me in an anal-retentive discussion of the show (being a fan) or back away slowly (being one of The Others). Either way, pay no attention to the machete in my right hand.

Some more quick movie reviews

No, I don't have a life.

Domino: Eh. Some half-decent action, but ultimately a waste of talent such as Keira Knightley (drool, drool) and Mickey Rourke (who I used to hate, but he redeemed himself considerably in Sin City). The story is about bounty-hunters who get mixed up in a mob-related robbery and it is "inspired by real events". Domino is ok for killing time, but nothing more.

Fun with Dick and Jane: Yawn. Unemployed suburbanites go on a robbery spree. Yet another horrible miscast of Jim Carrey, whose comic talents are undisputable, but who needs the right sort of script and...this...ain't...it. Also, Tea Leoni needs to find other parts than neurotic suburban wives (see Spanglish). I don't think I laughed once during the whole movie.

Keeping mum: Heh. Hehehe. Bwahahahahaaaaaaaaaa! Wonderful British comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson as the bumbling country vicar, Kristin Scott Thomas as his frustrated housewife and the always wonderful Maggie Smith as the criminally insane housekeeper who irons out the family's troubles with her, uhm... hands-on ways... Don't miss this one!

Movie reviews

Some quick takes on movies I've seen recently...

Walk the Line - the story of Johnny Cash from his childhood till he marries June Carter in the late 60s... good movie, strong story, well played main characters (Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon). Some good ole foot-stompin' music too!

Munich - Sadly, this movie is as sanctimonious, longwinded and boring as Spielberg himself. Some fairly decent acting, but even the "action" scenes are mostly dull. Yawn.

Narnia - Ahhhh... fun for the kids (meaning yours truly)! Great animation, well acted, good fun all round. Even a militant atheist like yours truly didn't find it too "Christian".

I feel his pain

Apparently, Matt Da(e)mon and Ben Allfeck, sorry, Affleck, are planning a remake of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Asked about the rumors, Robert Redford said he found the thought "depressing". I admire his verbal constraint.

As Ambrose Bierce once wrote: "There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy". The thought of Allfeck and his only-slightly-less-gay-looking-than-DiCaprio sidekick fucking up one of history's all time greatest movies would put their violent demise in the last category. So, folks... should you see these guys on the street... feel free to engage in a realistic re-enactment of the movie's end!

Fever and credit cards - a lethal combination

So... I'm still sitting here, sniffling and coughing and burning hot with fever.

Bored.

But with a credit card.

So yesterday I bought twelve DVDs for a total cost of appx. $130, and today I've ordered the spanking new Complete Calvin & Hobbes collection (hardcover) from Amazon.uk. It's over 1,400 pages for slightly above $100, postage included. Not bad at all, or so the fever keeps insisting.

Quick movie reviews

Yes, I need a life. Badly.

Saw two movies Thursday and four yesterday. Quick take:

A lot like love - thirteen-to-the-dozen "romantic comedy" starring eternal teenagey moron Ashton Kutcher and Amanda Peet of the devil's-spawn-eyebrows. No surprises what-so-fuckin-ever in this movie about two people who put themselves through seven years of idiotic misery before finally understanding they were meant for each other. Yawn.

Batman begins - Really, really liked this one. Ok plot, well told, good effects, right combination of humor and darkness... and very, very good acting. I don't normally like Christian Bale, but he's ok here. We see blissfully little of that ugly, stupid cow Katie Holmes (I hated her even before she shacked up with über-idiot Tom Cruise), but are treated to some great acting by the likes of Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman and Tom Wilkinson. Class acts, all.

Fantastic Four - They've made some changes from the original comics story here. For example, they have turned these virulently anti-communist, all-American heroes of the 60s into partially altruistic wimps or brainless poseurs. Of course they're fighting a mean industrial entrepreneur. Sign of the times I guess, Hollywood being one of few remaining communist regimes in the world. Not a great movie, but fair entertainment. Also, there's Jessica Alba in her underwear.

The hithchiker's guide to the galaxy - Argh. Arrrrgh. Aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggghhhh. A highly mediocre movie version of the legendary books. It's probably a bit better for those who haven't read them (What the fuck are you waiting for? Run out and buy them! Now! I'll still be here when you come back!). Still no great movie. The jokes are far between and often fall flat. There are moments and jokes that make little sense if you don't already know the full story from before, and so many scenes seem truncated and pointless without the full context. Fuck. Fuckety-fuck-FUCK, I had been looking forward to this one.

The Island - Good plot, good acting. Difficult to describe without giving away the story, so just take my word for it, will you. Scarlett Johansson is not sufficiently undressed though.

Land of the dead - Zombie movie from the hand of George Romer, who also made the original Dawn of the dead and Night of the living dead. Sufficiently unpretentious to be good, gory fun. Dennis Hopper is the only actor here you're likely to have heard of.