Terror Alert

Got this in my inbox today, and since I'm such a generous person I thought I'd share it with ya'll.

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Londoners are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings, and in consequence the Alert State has been raised from 'Miffed' to 'Peeved'. Soon though, the levels may need to be raised to 'Irritated' or even 'A bit cross!'

Londoners have not been 'A bit cross!' since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from 'Tiresome' to 'A bloody nuisance'; the last time 'A bloody nuisance' warning level was issued prior to that was during the Great Fire in 1666.

Be aware that the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide'. The only two higher levels in France are 'Surrender' and 'Collaborate'. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing their military capability.

It is not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert: the Italians have increased their alert level from 'Shout loudly and excitedly' to 'Elaborate military posturing'. Two more levels remain, 'Ineffective combat operations' and 'Change sides'.

The Germans also increased their alert state from 'Disdainful arrogance' to 'Dress in uniform and sing marching songs'. They have two higher levels, 'Invade a neighbour' and 'Lose'.

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe, the Americans have gone from 'Isolationism' to 'Find another oil-rich nation in the Middle East ripe for regime change'. Their remaining higher alert states are 'Attack the world' and 'Beg the British for help'.

Finally GB as a whole has gone from 'Pretend nothing's happening' to 'Make another cup of tea'. Our higher levels are 'Remain resolutely cheerful' and 'Win'.