Heh

No! Not the Vulcan death grip!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!

Back from hell

Ok, finally back from Krautland... I managed to survive the second day at Cebit by alternating between my "Inspector Rebus" novel and blasting Johnny Cash on my cd-player. Still, it was a close call. To calm my nerves I went on a shopping spree several times, I bought in excess of 40 DVDs during the trip. And if a certain someone doesn't play nice, she'll be getting a collection of Klaus Kinski films...

Holiday in hell

In a weak moment, I said yes to accompanying a class down to the CEBIT expo in Hannover, Germany. I don't know shit about computers, and I hate all the goddamn gadgets, thingamajigs and "neat" hi tech stuff that seems to be replacing actual brain use these days.

Anyway, it's a geek's paradise down here, and I'm bored out of my tiny, little mind. We arrived at the fair area around ten, and by noon I'd already lost all will to live. By 1PM, I could feel my brain trying to crawl out of my ears to escape, and if it wasn't for the considerable mass of ear wax I'd managed to build up listening to inane teenager chat all the way down here, it would have succeeded.

I finally managed to make it here, to the internet lounge, where I'm going to hunker down until it's time to drive back to the hotel. The prices for online access are outrageous, nay exorbitant - 12 Euro ($15) for one hour - but the alternative is worse than death... if not actual death. I'm going to chain myself to a computer and curl up in fetal position if they try to remove me. If you wish to see a grown man cry, this is the right place to be... bwwwaaaaah!

Cruel and unusual music

Who knew they sold weapons of mass destruction on the streets of Prague? Browsing through record shops or just walking along the streets, I came across recordings of music so vile, so cruel, so utterly without redeeming features, I had no choice but to buy one.

Nothing says "I hate you" like the gift of a CD with Smokie tunes played on pan flute. And I know just the right recipient for it... muahahahahahaaaaaaa! I also contemplated buying a CD with street organ music, but that would have involved me actually approaching said instrument of torture (playing full blast!), so I settled for Smokie instead.

What's Arabic for "Brokeback Mountain"?

I saw this pic of Osama and his right hand man (any and all seedy double meaning intended) Ayman al-Zawahri today, and my immediate thought was that it looked like a scene from an Arabic version of Brokeback Mountain. Then more witty captions came popping up:

"I dunno about you Al, but I feel kinda stupid, sitting here with a giant handkerchief on my head"

"Hey Al! Stop touching yourself in public!"

"Your cave or mine?"

"...so you see, sexual intercourse with camels isn't really against the Koran after all..."

"...and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana shaped..."

"... and you're SURE these Enron shares are a smart investment?"


Further suggestions welcome, have at it in the comments, kids!

I'm in love...

... with Prague.

Spent Sunday-Thursday there, and it's a brilliant place. Good, cheap food, beautiful buildings, good service, friendly people, informative museums, interesting sites - Prague has it all! Stayed at the friendly little hostel A & O just north of the city center - cheap and practical!

I'm already thinking about booking a trip for Fall Break in early October, Norwegian Air has roundtrip tickets at about $120 (less than €95) and A & O has double rooms at $280 (€220) per person. Wanna join me ;o) ???

Still nazi after all these years

From Reuters:

A German court on Thursday convicted a businessman of insulting Islam by printing the word "Koran" on toilet paper and offering it to mosques.

The 61-year-old man, identified only as Manfred van H., was given a one-year jail sentence, suspended for five years, and ordered to complete 300 hours of community service, a district court in the western German town of Luedinghausen ruled.

The conviction comes after a Danish newspaper printed cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammad -- sparking violent protests around the world from Muslims who saw the images as sacrilegious and an attack on their beliefs.

Manfred van H. printed out sheets of toilet paper bearing the word "Koran" shortly after a group of Muslims carried out a series of bomb attacks in London in July 2005. He sent the paper to German television stations, magazines and some 15 mosques.

Prosecutors said that in an accompanying letter Manfred van H. called Islam's holy book a "cookbook for terrorists."

He also offered his toilet paper for sale on the Internet at a price of 4 euros ($4.76) per roll, saying the proceeds would go toward a "memorial to all the victims of Islamic terrorism."

The maximum sentence for insulting religious beliefs under the German criminal code is three years in prison.


No word on any German plans to come down on Islamofascists who regularly preach oppression of women, Jews and generally everyone not bowing to their authority in said mosques. Then again, protection of Jews never was your strong point, eh Fritz?

News you can't make up

Some random news stories I felt were blogworthy...

* In Alabama, a teacher has been charged after he took $1 bribes from his pupils to let them sit out his gym classes. My first thought when I read this story was "damn, this sucker's letting them off CHEAP". My second thought was "I wish I'd had a gym teacher like that".

* My future is bleak, according to this article in the Washington Post. Apparently, ugly people are more likely to become criminals, and the uglier you are, the worse your chances. It's a miracle I've made it this far.

* In California, some fucker(s) have stolen the prosthetic limbs of a 16-year old girl - for the second time. If this isn't what the death penalty is for, then I don't know what.

Mor(m)ons

Muahahahahaaaaaa... As if modern science hadn't bitchslapped religion around enough, along comes this beautiful little article from the LA Times... Now, believing in religion is fairly stupid in and of itself, but believing in that particular brand of organized idiocy known as mormonism takes a special kind of stupidity. Or as PJ O'Rourke once quipped about the dullness of Disneyworld: It was an insult to a country that had invented a religion like mormonism.

Anyway, the article details how modern DNA research has shredded whatever vestige of credibility one of the religion's fundamental tenets had left; that of the Native Americans (aka injuns) descending from the ancient Hebrews, who supposedly came to America 2,600 years ago. Of course, if you have the tiniest combination of brains and education you will know that the Natives actually came from Asia, several thousands of years ago.

The article goes on to describe some of the Mormon Church's teachings on the subject, which are both racist, immoral and demonstrably false. The fact that such a thoroughly despicable and stupid religion still has been able to gain millions of converts all over the world, demonstrates very clearly that when it comes to religion, there is no limit to how low otherwise sane, moral people can go. It also shows how easy it is to start a religion, even in fairly recent times - imagine then how little it took back when the "great" world religions commenced! Keep this in mind when you read about the supposed miracles of the Bible, the Koran or whatever piece of scripture you've got your grubby little hands on. You believe any of that shit, you're no better than a mor(m)on.

A subtle new strategy of deterrent

You may have heard the story about vice president Cheney, who managed to "accidentally" shoot his hunting mate Saturday. I don't think there was an accident at all. I think this was the first step in a White House strategy to scare the fuck out of America's enemies. Think about it - this country has a vice president who shoots his friend in the face - how nervous should you be if you're his enemy??? For further reference, see Frank J.'s Realistic Plan for World Peace: Nuke the Moon.

Some more quick movie reviews

No, I don't have a life.

Domino: Eh. Some half-decent action, but ultimately a waste of talent such as Keira Knightley (drool, drool) and Mickey Rourke (who I used to hate, but he redeemed himself considerably in Sin City). The story is about bounty-hunters who get mixed up in a mob-related robbery and it is "inspired by real events". Domino is ok for killing time, but nothing more.

Fun with Dick and Jane: Yawn. Unemployed suburbanites go on a robbery spree. Yet another horrible miscast of Jim Carrey, whose comic talents are undisputable, but who needs the right sort of script and...this...ain't...it. Also, Tea Leoni needs to find other parts than neurotic suburban wives (see Spanglish). I don't think I laughed once during the whole movie.

Keeping mum: Heh. Hehehe. Bwahahahahaaaaaaaaaa! Wonderful British comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson as the bumbling country vicar, Kristin Scott Thomas as his frustrated housewife and the always wonderful Maggie Smith as the criminally insane housekeeper who irons out the family's troubles with her, uhm... hands-on ways... Don't miss this one!

Bring back the birch

I'm all for bringing back the birch, but only between consenting adults.
- Gore Vidal

A new poll finds stark differences in the way parents and teachers view the situation in American schools. Some points to consider:

"...less than half of parents say student discipline is a serious concern at school ... Two in three [teachers] call children's misbehavior a major problem."

I might just be getting old, but from personal experience both as a pupil and a teacher, I find that values like respect, discipline and just plain old common decency have taken a distinct turn for the worse. We teachers regularly hear language between pupils and are ourselves subjected to personal abuse that would have been unthinkable when I was in high school (back in the stone age).

"On testing, the poll found teachers are much more likely than parents to say standardized exams get too much emphasis. Yet most parents and teachers agree testing has weakened the ability of educators to give individual attention to students."

I'm in two minds about this. I am all in favor of standardized tests, because I think this is the only way we can reasonably measure a school's performance. It would be absurd and ignorant to claim that all schools, be they in Norway or in the U.S., perform equally. So long as education remains a public concern we therefore need tools to measure performance and find out where we need to make improvements. However, in my experience the tests we currently use are not always very well made, and not necessarily relevant to the curricula we teach from. More than cutting down on standardized testing, we probably need to cut down on some of the more obscure requirements for what to teach. So much of what we're supposed to be teaching is of little relevance and use to the pupils.

"...43% of parents say low expectations of students is a serious problem; 54% of teachers say the same, including almost two in three teachers in high school."

Major problem over here too. Many pupils - in some classes a majority - are quite content with not flunking. And we keep lowering the bar for that, too. International studies show that Norwegian pupils today are 6-12 months behind the level we were only ten years ago. That's downright scary, especially considering that we've added an extra school year at the beginning (school start was lowered from 7 to 6 years of age).

Time for an old man's rant: Kids today seem to expect to get everything handed to them on a silver platter. I can give the same message half a dozen times, in writing or spoken - yet when time comes for a test or a hand-in, half the class haven't even prepared, or started writing the assignment. With only a handful of exceptions, no one ever opens a book before they get to school, so they're never prepared for what's going to happen in class. Yet, I'm the meanie for not giving them better grades! (I'll freely admit to being a meanie, but I want to be credited for actual meanness, not for simply doing my job!)

Also, it is downright horrifying to discover what high-schoolers simply do not know. If you don't know which way is north and south on a map, if you don't know the difference between a noun and a verb, if you don't who's prime minister of your own country... you're simply too ignorant to be let out of elementary school. There are several components to this, we can blame both the media and the parents. But I fear that the main reason is the lax atmosphere in elementary school, where you often find teachers with relatively little education in the subjects they're teaching (it should be noted that the grade average for many of the people who enter teaching colleges is atrocious!), and who treat the classrooms more as an extension of Kindergarten than a place for actual learning.

Movie reviews

Some quick takes on movies I've seen recently...

Walk the Line - the story of Johnny Cash from his childhood till he marries June Carter in the late 60s... good movie, strong story, well played main characters (Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon). Some good ole foot-stompin' music too!

Munich - Sadly, this movie is as sanctimonious, longwinded and boring as Spielberg himself. Some fairly decent acting, but even the "action" scenes are mostly dull. Yawn.

Narnia - Ahhhh... fun for the kids (meaning yours truly)! Great animation, well acted, good fun all round. Even a militant atheist like yours truly didn't find it too "Christian".

Sign o' the times

We are surely living in the end times. Consider the evidence:

* Barry Manilow is topping the album charts for the first time in 29 years.

* The most demonized Democratic president in modern times is now so close to the family of the most demonized Republican president that he is "considered part of the family".

* Six-year olds are suspended from Elementary School for "sexual harassment".

* The world's Muslims are more outraged about non-believers lampooning their prophet than about co-believers slitting the throats of other co-believers.

Once bitten, twice ugly

Ya'll probably heard of the French woman who got a partial face transplant after she was bitten by the family dog and severely disfigured. Now she's gone public with her new face. Color me cruel, but my first thought when I saw the result was "why bother?"... my second thought was "Lady... better get a lawyer, 'cause you've been had".

A quick and cruel commentary on her statements as reported by CNN:

"I now have a face like everyone else," she told reporters Monday at the hospital in Amiens in northern France where the surgery was performed.

Only if everybody else looks like something out of "Night of the living dead". Which maybe they do in France.

"A door to the future is opening."

A future in horror movies?

Her speech was heavily slurred and hard to understand...

That's called FRENCH.

...and she appeared to have difficulty moving or closing her mouth.

Duh. All women have problems closing their mouths.

Invoking the 5th

Nope, not the famous 5th amendment to the US Constitution... but the 5th article of the North Atlantic Treaty, the founding document of NATO. The article basically states that an attack on one NATO member is to be considered an attack on all. It was invoked after 9/11, 2001, when the US was attacked by Islamofascists.

Well, today the Embassies of NATO members Denmark and Norway were burned to the ground in Damascus, Syria. This is a country where you do not take to the streets unless you have a pretty good feeling you've got the government's support, however tacitly stated. This is a regime that keeps a very tight leash on its population, and I refuse to believe they could not have stopped this if they wanted to, especially since the Norwegian Embassy was burned down some time after the Danish one. Yeah, they used "tear gas and water cannons", but this is a regime that wouldn't hesitate to user either rubber or real bullets if they felt so inclined.

So. We've got terrorists. We've got burning NATO-country buildings, on what is legally NATO-country ground (remember, Embassies are considered to be extensions of their respective countries and not a part of the host country!). And we've got an uncooperative government sheltering Islamofascists. I say we go GET the fuckers. And since Syria doesn't have any more oil than they've got democracy, no one's going to accuse us of "blood for oil" this time.

Of course, they might say we're anti-Islamic, ethnocentric neo-imperialists, but flattery won't get them anywhere.

Piglet says it best

Ok, this is by far the sweetest response so far to the whole boycott thingy... go to http://www.daybydaycartoon.com/Default.aspx and click on the cartoon for Feb 2.

Update: The link is dead, try this instead.

It's rude, but is it art?

Ok... I've read some complaints regarding the cartoons of Mohammed - not pertaining to freedom of speech, but to the very relevant and morally valid notion of copyrights. I don't know what's proper, and until I get a good source explaining to me that it is in fact a violation of copy rights to show the cartoons, I shall keep them here. But in the unlikely event that I do feel compelled to remove them, I have made my own, highly blasphemous little back-up drawing.

Those of you who know me (and are still alive to talk about it), know that I can't draw to save my life, and certainly not with a paintshop program. Yet, here is my artistic impression of Mohammed, the ass-fucked prophet. I always go the extra mile for you, dear readers!

The many faces of Muhammed (the ass-fucked prophet)

See my post below for an explanation...

Fuck Muhammed up the ass with a very big stick

Ya'll may not be aware of this, but there's a budding outrage in many Muslim countries. Flags are burning, boycotts implemented, threats of terror being made.

Is it about the American forces in Iraq?
Is it about Israeli occupation of Palestine?
Is it about the people in "The Arab street" finally getting fed up with being oppressed by their own "leaders"?

Nah.

The issue that is now threatening to set the Islamic world ablaze is this: A Danish daily called "Jyllandsposten", in September 2005 wrote about the sad fact that a Danish writer could not find any artists to draw a picture of Islam's main prohet, Muhammed. In most Sunni-Islamic circles, creating a physical image of the Prophet is considered the worst possible blasphemy, and no artist dared make an image, out of fear for what crazy Islamists might do. Jyllandsposten then had 12 cartoonists make caricatures of varying quality, and printed the images in the paper.

And then... all hell broke loose.

So far, several Islamic countries have encouraged consumer boycotts and/or condemned Denmark, demanded apologies and that the newspaper be punished. In the Palestinian territories, they're burning Danish flags, and now also Norwegian flags, because a Christian Norwegian magazine printed the same pictures. There have been hundreds of death threats against the Danes, and quite a few at the Norwegians too. Local militants have warned Norwegian aid workers (these are the sad, misguided numbskulls who are actually trying to HELP the Palestinians, remember) to get the fuck out of Gaza within 48 hours - or else...

In addition to the Islamo-fascists, we also have the usual suspects: The terminally politically correct who act as the terrorists' useful idiots by demanding that we "respect Muslim sensibilitites". This from people who generally have no problem labeling everybody slightly to the right of Karl Marx as fascists, and who tend to show precious little respect for the sensibilities of their homegrown religious fanatics of the Christian variety. Not that they should, religion deserves no respect, what-so-fuckin-ever, I'm just pointing out the glaring hypocrisy involved.

Let me put this in no uncertain terms: If you belong to a school of thought that says it's a crime against God to portray his greatest prophet, you're pretty much fucked in the head to start with. If you then think it's a reasonable punishment to censor, threaten, or physically harm the ones doing the portraying, you're a dangerous, psychotic, neanderthal fascist. And if you're so blinded by your holier-than-thou political correctness that you can't see that these crazy fuckers are a mortal danger to western liberty, you're worthy of nothing but contempt.

So let me close this by stating my most sincere, heartfelt desire, phrased with all the sensibility I can muster towards "the great religion of Islam":

Fuck Muhammed.

Fuck him up the ass with a very big stick.

And fuck his followers too.

And since I'm a great believer in equal opportunity: Fuck Jesus, fuck God, fuck Allah, fuck Jahve, fuck Buddha, fuck the umpteen retarded gods of Hinduism too, fuck everybody who wishes to limit other people's freedom to say and think and do what they want - fuck'em all with the biggest, bluntest stick you can lay your grubby little hands on. Because that's what religions and their believers have been doing to us humans, ever since the first caveman started to communicate with the weather, and bashed his neighbor's head in with a rock when he refused to listen. They've shafted us royally, time and again, raped our sense of rationality, common sense and liberty. Time to return the favor.