Inchmahome Priory

Inchmahome Priory and the area around have some of the strangest names in Scotland. Inchmahome is funny enough in English, but comes from the Gaelic "Innis MoCholmaig" and simply means the Island of St Colmaig.

The priory lies on said island, which is situated in one of Scotlands few lakes - almost all other bodies of water are called lochs up here - but not the Lake of Menteith. This too has a Gaelic explanation; the area was known as "Laich o Menteith", which means the "lowlands of Menteith", but a Dutch cartographer fucked up sometime in the 16th century and the name for the loch stuck.

Finally, there's the only settlement of any size around the lake; Port of Menteith. It's not a port or a harbour at all; "port" means ferryplace in Gaelic and refers to the fact that there were (and still are) boats going to and from Inchmahome Priory.

The priory sits a seven minute boat trip out in the waters of the lake and has always been known for its peacefulness. The monks were Augustins and generally not allowed to speak while in the priory, so this naturally added to the tranquility of the place. It was visited by Robert the Bruce in 1306 and in 1547 it played host for three weeks to the then 4-year old Mary Stuart, who was whisked away to safety there after the Scots had had their asses handed to them in the Battle of Pinkie Clough.

Again, the island's reputation is well founded. It is a very nice, lush place with some very old, majestic 4-500 year old chestnuts growing there and some friendly waterfowl begging for food from tourists. Very peaceful and all, and also perfect for a picnic if you can avoid all the turds that the fuckin' Canada geese leave there.

All pics here.

The island of Inchmahome.


Priory ruins.





This clearing was where the 4-year old Mary used to play in 1547.


There are some mighty nice trees on the island.


This chestnut tree is 4-500 years old.


If you tilt your head and squint just so, you can imagine some pretty crazy stuff going on here.


Have you ever seen anything as crazy as this?


One fears to speculate what lies within.


This.


Two ducks preening themselves. As previously stated, it's a hard life in the tourist industry.


I bought two packets of butterscoth biscuits and shared one of them with the ducks. The guy behind the counter who sold me the packets said the ducks were in the business of shaking down tourists who'd been stupid enough to bring food to the island. What he didn't say (but which may have been implied) was that so far none had been stupid enough to buy food at the island with the explicit intent to feed the greedy little featherballs.

Stirling Castle... yet again

I've been to Stirling Castle 5-6 times now, so you'll excuse me for feeling that I've taken pretty much all the pictures I could possibly need from the place. Still, I'll leave y'all with this little series to show the wonderful surroundings north and east of the castle.

Quote of the Day

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
- Robert Benchley

Dunblane Cathedral

The last touristy thing I did Wednesday was to make a quick trip up to Dunblane to take pics of the Cathedral and stuff face on a proper lunch.

From the outside.


From the inside.




The only thing of historical interest there was the grave of three sisters, said to have been poisoned by nobles who did not want any of them to marry the Scottish king, since they instead desired a marriage to Margaret Tudor, sister to Henry VIII. Them's tough times.

Cambuskenneth Abbey

After Castle Campbell I took a quick detour down to Cambuskenneth Abbey. The abbey itself is just a ruin today, but it was the site of a Scottish Parliament held immediately after the Battle of Bannockburn, where king Robert the Bruce dispensed punishment to those that had been less than supportive of his fight against the English. It was also the main depot before the battle. Later it was the site of another Parliament that settled the question of royal succession and also became the burial place for king James III.

The bell tower is the only part of the abbey that is still standing.


A small part of the foundations, which is all you can see these days.


James the 3rd. Possibly murdered. Succeeded by his rebellious son, James IV, who was slaughtered at Flodden in 1513, along with the majority of the Scottish nobility.

Castle Campbell

Wednesday I visited Castle Campbell for the first time, and I think I may have a new favorite property in Scotland. It is beautifully situated above the village of Dollar, about 25 mins northeast of Stirling. With streams on both sides, the highlands at its back and just stunning views over what seems like most of Scotland to the south, this is one of the prettiest castles, indeed buildings I've ever seen. Add the intoxicating fragrance of roses and various other flowers and it is the ideal place for a picnic.

The castle was originally named Castle Gloom, possibly from a Gaelic word meaning chasm, referring to the streams on both sides. As with pretty much all castles in Scotland, there's a long and winding history of construction and ownership, but probably the keep was the earliest stone building on the site and was built around 1430. The castle came under Campbell control in 1465 and changed name in 1488. Castle Campbell was more or less abandoned in the early 1660s and is today a jewel in the crown that is Historic Scotland.

All pics here.

The south wall. I had lunch on one of the benches at the bottom.


This was my view as I was stuffing face. Not bad, eh?


There were flowers everywhere and the smell of them was almost intoxicating.


The great hall. Fireplace to the right.


The views from the keep were stunning.


To the north.


To the west.


One of several latrines.


A great big tree outside the main entrance.

Quote of the Day

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.
- Chauncey Depew

Bothwell Castle

I'd never been to Bothwell Castle before, but it is in the care of Historic Scotland, so visiting was freeeeee for yours truly. As with many Scottish castles, the history of ownership and construction is complex and was not made easier by the fact that the Scots tore it down and burned it twice so as not to give the English a place to stay when they popped in for a cuppa, as was their wont in the Middle Ages. The did the same thing up at Stirling; everything you see up there was built after Robert the Bruce razed it to the ground in the early 1300s.

One small aside; the park area around the castle seems to be very popular with local dog walkers, both amateurs and professionals. A young girl came to the parking lot with two small dogs; one tiny, terrierlike creature and one that looked like a small bulldog of some sort. The terrier ran over to me right away to be cuddled and petted and then followed the girl around to another field while the bulldog stayed behind. His tiny little dog brain was not the sharpest, for he stayed pretty much dead in front of a car that was trying to leave the parking lot and only moved when I took him gently by the collar and led him out of harm's way. He licked and sniffed my hand as a thank you. The girl then returned with possibly the biggest golden retriever I've ever seen, as wet and dirty as only a very happy retriever can get. I cuddled and petted that one too. What can I say, I'm a dog slut.

These four featherballs were sitting pretty on the fence outside the castle.


Bothwell Castle.


The Great Hall.


The donjon didn't have a moat. The ditch is dug to illustrate to visitors that the ground level of the castle was originally about two metres below where it is today.


The shitter. I know how to find 'em.

Return to Caerlaverock

I first went to Caerlaverock Castle in late 2012, and nothing much had changed up there. The castle was still one of the castlest castles in all of Scotland, and that's saying something (if you're not quite sure what, rest assured I don't know what I'm writing half the time either).

Here are some pics of the castle as of yesterday.

The castle in all its prettiness.


Yep, the moat was still there.


The back wall still looks like somebody just decided that they needed a better view.


Personally, I think the white horsey is in dire need of a horn.


I still couldn't fit into the costumes they had in the annex. Sigh.

Quote of the Day

It doesn't matter which side of the fence you get off on sometimes. What matters most is getting off. You cannot make progress without making decisions.
- Jim Rohn

Quote of the Day

When a man is tired of London he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford.
- Samuel Johnson

Quote of the Day

"The church and the state
Your God and Country kind
One gets your body
The other gets your mind."
- The Rainmakers, from the song "The Wages of Sin"

Quote of the Day

Two things only the people actually desire: bread and circuses.
- Juvenal

Quote of the Day

Before a standing army can rule, the people must be disarmed; as they are in almost every kingdom of Europe. The supreme power in America cannot enforce unjust laws by the sword; because the whole body of people are armed, and constitute a force superior to any body of regular troops that can be, on any pretense, raised in the United States
- Noah Webster

Quote of the Day

When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London.
- Bette Midler

Quote of the Day

The truth is more important than the facts.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Latest plans for Great Britain

Posting this is probably bound to doom them, but here are my latest travel plans for the trip to ole Blighty. I shall set off for London Thursday, possibly meet up with a Norwegian pal of mine sometime in the afternoon. Friday we'll meet up for sure and do some touristy stuff together. He's keen to see the Cutty Sark, and since I've never been, we'll prolly spend some time around those parts of London. Possibly we'll watch football in the evening at a pub.

Saturday I'm not sure what we'll do in the day, but in the evening we're meeting two more Norwegians and then we're off to sweet, sweet Monty Python and their reunion show "Monty Python Live (Mostly): One down, five to go" at the O2. I don't really know what to expect and quite frankly I don't much care. This is the last show these guys will do together and I want to see them before it's too late. I'll also enjoy rubbing it in the faces of various people I'll meet until my dying day that I was there.

Sunday I'll make my way out to Gatwick, pick up a rental car and drive all the way to... Crawley, five minutes from the airport. No point stressing.

Monday I'll drive up from Crawley to Carlisle. Haven't made a single plan for that day; I expect it'll be mostly driving.

Tuesday I'll start from Carlisle and make a slight detour to see Caerlaverock Castle in the summer; this castle was said to be castlerer than most castles by no less an authority than yours truly. It was pissing down for much of the time I was there last, in September 2012, though this being Scotland the chances of sunshine are only slighty better in July. Then it's on to sweet, sweet Stirling by way of Bothwell Castle (yet another Historic Scotland property!). Football semi-final in the evening.

Wednesday and Thursday will be spent doing some of the typical Stirling stuff I always do - Stirling Castle, Doune Castle, Bannockburn and the Wallace Monument - plus some new stuff (I've planned this trip to maximize my use of the Historic Scotland membership) such as Castle Campbell, Cambuskenneth Abbey and Dunblane Cathedral. Wednesday there'll also be a semi-final in the evening.

Friday I'll be driving over to Oban on the west coast, but I'll be making my way slowly with visits planned for Inchmahome Priory, Callander, Kilchurn Castle and Dunstaffnage Castle that day.

Saturday I'll go from Oban to Inverness, this time taking in the ruins of Inverlochy Castle, Urquhart Castle and good old Culloden Battlefield. Bronze final in the evening.

Sunday I have yet another long day ahead of me. I'm planning to see no less than five castles in the Aberdeenshire area: Balvenie, Auchindoun, Huntly, Kildrummy and Tolquhon. Staying in Inverurie for the night, watching the FIFA 2104 Final in the evening.

The second Monday I'll drive to Pitlochry, seeing Corgarff Castle and Ruthven Barracks on the way. I'll be staying in Pitlochry all day Tuesday, possibly doing a little sightseeing in the area.

Wednesday 16th I'll drive down to Engerland again, stopping in for an hour or two at Aberdour Castle before continuing on to the very handsome town of Lincoln. Will be staying two nights here, planning on seeing the castle and the cathedral and just generally ambling around the old town without much purpose.

Friday I'll drive to Bury St Edmunds for two nights of relaxation. Possibly walk a bit around town, very likely spend a couple of hours at Sutton Hoo, which is close by.

Sunday I'll be driving back to Gatwick, where they'll have to pry the steering wheel from my cold, dead hands I'll wave a teary goodbye for now to this island, which I have come to love so dearly. Sigh.

Quote of the Day

People are very open-minded about new things as long as they're exactly like the old ones.
- Charles Kettering

Quote of the Day

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes.
- Joseph Addison

Quote of the Day

Of all the systems of religion that ever were invented, there is no more derogatory to the Almighty, more unedifying to man, more repugnant to reason, and more contradictory to itself than this thing called Christianity.
- Thomas Paine

Quote of the Day

Musical people are so absurdly unreasonable. They always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be absolutely deaf.
- Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Day

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
- Lily Tomlin

Quote of the Day

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
- Flannery O'Connor

Quote of the Day

Education has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.
- G. M. Trevelyan

Quote of the Day

Every man paddles his own canoe.
- Captain Frederick Marryat

Quote of the Day

Self-pity gets you nowhere. One must have the adventurous daring to accept oneself as a bundle of possibilities and undertake the most interesting game in the world - making the most of one's best.
- Richard Willard Armour

Quote of the Day

I find every sect, as far as reason will help them, make use of it gladly; and where it fails them, they cry out, "It is a matter of faith, and above reason".
- John Locke

Quote of the Day

The only fence against the world is a thorough knowledge of it.
- John Locke

Quote of the Day

New opinions are always suspected, and usually opposed, without any other reason but because they are not already common.
- John Locke

Quote of the Day

It is one thing, to show a man that he is in an error, and another, to put him in possession of the truth.
- John Locke

Quote of the Day

Every man has a property in his own person. This nobody has any right to but himself. The labor of his body and the work of his hands are properly his.
- John Locke

Summer evening on the lake

Last Friday, the school had its summer party for teachers and various school staff. We boarded a small boat, which I think had previously been used as a ferry and set out across Randsfjorden, which is the 4th largest lake in Norway. We made landfall for less than an hour and then went back again. I stuffed face and had a pleasant evening and took a shitload of pictures; some of them even made it on here.

It was a grand time to be out on the water.


The lake is dotted with cabins all around. And that honeylike Nordic light.


As we were sailing back, the full moon rose behind us. T'was magic, people.


A typical Norwegian summer night. I think the picture was taken shortly before midnight.

Quote of the Day

I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts.
- John Locke

Ish going to Engerland

Friday, an old friend emailed me. He was stuck with three spare tickets to Monty Python's live performances in London this July, and did I want to go? Did I ever! By Monday night, two other friends had taken tickets too so we'll be having a jolly good time in London July 3-6. But going to London got me thinking that I couldn't waste a perfectly good plane ticket on such a short trip, so I went ahead and planned two weeks on the road in addition.

So here it is for your bemusal; my itinerary for England/Scotland in July:

July 3-6: London.
July 7: Driving from London up to Carlisle, on the Scottish border.
July 8: Maybe a quick detour to Caerlaverock Castle, before heading up to Stirling.
July 8-11: Stirling. I'll be doing Stirling Castle, Bannockburn, Castle Campbell,etc.
July 11: Driving to Oban. Doing Doune Castle and Dunstaffnage.
July 12: Going up to Inverness by way of Fort William. Ben Nevis, Urquhart Castle, Culloden.
July 13: Driving down to Inverurie, not far from Aberdeen. Probably doing assorted things and bits around Aberdeenshire.
July 14: See the above post. Driving to Pitlochry.
July 15-16: Staying in Pitlochry, seeing some stuff in Perthshire.
July 16-17: Driving to the English city of Lincoln.
July 17-18: Staying in Lincoln. Seeing the castle, the cathedral, etc.
July 18-20: Going to Bury St Edmunds. Trip to the archaeological field at Sutton Hoo.
July 20: Driving down to Gatwick to fly home. Heart rendering scenes of desperate farewells with ole' blighty.

Quote of the Day

To love truth for truth's sake is the principal part of human perfection in this world, and the seed-plot of all other virtues.
- John Locke

Prillarguri and Sinclair

The last story & pics from my drive Sunday 8th is the memorial for the Battle of Kringen, between Norwegian farmers and Scottish mercenaries on August 26. 1612. The soulless gingers Scottish troops were on their way to Sweden to fight in the Kalmar war against the twin kingdom of Norway & Denmark. Although the officer George Sinclair has become famous, the leader of the ginger cunts Scots was actually lieutenant colonel Alexander Ramsay.

They were ambushed by local farmers just south of Otta and the vast majority of them killed; most of them on the day after the battle. Not an occasion to be proud of, if you ask me. According to legend the sign to commence the attack was given by a local girl called Prillar-Guri, who blew her horn when the Scottish were in the right position. Guri is an old Norse name and "prillar" is a type of cow-horn you could play on. Hence the carving over the wording on the monument.

Also, according to legend, several of the Scots stayed on locally in the area around Otta. Some local names hint at Scottish origins and it is said that there are more redheads in Gudbrandsdalen than any other place in Norway, but then again people say the strangest things.

The text reads "In memory of the battle at Kringom 26 August 1612.


It's a bit up in the hillside.

Quote of the Day

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
- Woody Allen

Rondane

Rondane is yet another national park with sweeping vistas of huge mountains and long highland plains. As previously mentioned, I took a little detour up there from Otta, before continuing on toward Lillehammer.

I never get tired of looking at mountains.






Looking back, towards Otta.

Quote of the Day

Mary: Well tell me, why did you get a divorce?
Isaac: Why? I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman.
Mary: Really? God, that must have been really demoralizing.
Isaac: Well, I dunno, I thought I took it rather well under the circumstances. I tried to run them both over with a car.
- Woody Allen in "Manhattan"

Quote of the Day

Lester: If you play your cards right, you could have my body.
Halley Reed: Wouldn’t you rather leave it to science?
- from Woody Allen’s "Crimes and Misdemeanors"