I apologize in advance for the lame, tasteless jokes that will follow (and also for the jokes I know you readers are bound to make in the comments...)
Ok, here goes:
The boobs over at FOXNews has a story about how the airline of the Hooters restaurant chain is planning to expand. The headline on the FOX front page?
"Hooters may get bigger".
Now, did they just make a boob, or are they such tits they actually thought it was funny?
Ok, time to play tit-for tat in the comments... get it off your chests!
(I feel so dirty now...)
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Fat bastard
'Tis official. According to science, I'm a fat bastard. I'm clocking in at a hefty 37,7 on the BMI, which puts me in the 98th percentile for men of my age.
Conclusion: To avoid being classified as "overweight" I should either carve off about 43kg (94,5 pounds) or grow 42cm (15,5 inches). If possible, I'll opt for the latter...
Conclusion: To avoid being classified as "overweight" I should either carve off about 43kg (94,5 pounds) or grow 42cm (15,5 inches). If possible, I'll opt for the latter...
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
VICTORY!!!
Today, my favorite football team Liverpool FC was playing AC Milan for the European Champions League title - basically the continent's greatest title for club teams, a pan-European Super Bowl so to speak...
I didn't have the only Norwegian TV channel to show the game, so I followed it by real-time text comments online. By half time Milan was kicking British ass left and right and held a 3-0 lead, so I kind of zoned out, thinking it was a done deal... BUT... then... Liverpool managed to rally for a miraculous seven minutes to come back and make three goals... something I find out only after I thought the game was over and my team beaten. So I leave the net and start flipping channels like a madman.
You see, I have a satellite dish that takes in hundreds of channels from all over the world. I have Kurdish folk music, I have Arab-language phone sex commercials, I have Chinese communist propaganda and tons more. So I figured somewhere in all this madness, there HAD to be someone showing the game. And finally, on #686, I find it - on a Slovenian channel! I managed to see the last ten minutes of the extra time (no goals) AND the penalty contest that followed... where LIVERPOOL WON!!!
*chants*
COME ON YOU REDS! COME ON YOU REDS!
I'm ecstatic... nay euphoric! It's been so long since Liverpool won anything much and now they've gone and taken the European title... *sniffles*
Now if only they would get their act together and win the English championship next year - that's the one that really matters to us true fans... *nods*
I didn't have the only Norwegian TV channel to show the game, so I followed it by real-time text comments online. By half time Milan was kicking British ass left and right and held a 3-0 lead, so I kind of zoned out, thinking it was a done deal... BUT... then... Liverpool managed to rally for a miraculous seven minutes to come back and make three goals... something I find out only after I thought the game was over and my team beaten. So I leave the net and start flipping channels like a madman.
You see, I have a satellite dish that takes in hundreds of channels from all over the world. I have Kurdish folk music, I have Arab-language phone sex commercials, I have Chinese communist propaganda and tons more. So I figured somewhere in all this madness, there HAD to be someone showing the game. And finally, on #686, I find it - on a Slovenian channel! I managed to see the last ten minutes of the extra time (no goals) AND the penalty contest that followed... where LIVERPOOL WON!!!
*chants*
COME ON YOU REDS! COME ON YOU REDS!
I'm ecstatic... nay euphoric! It's been so long since Liverpool won anything much and now they've gone and taken the European title... *sniffles*
Now if only they would get their act together and win the English championship next year - that's the one that really matters to us true fans... *nods*
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Saturday, May 21, 2005
O Brother
I've just watched a DVD version of "Down From the Mountain", which is the 2000 concert featuring the music from the masterpiece movie "O Brother Where Art Thou". The movie contains lots of great music, the musical CD has some more good stuff that's not in the movie, and the concert has some absolutely brilliant songs that are not found either in the movie or on the CD. Just go out and buy all three!
The DVD opens with interviews and scenes from backstage and the rehearsals, then there's the concert proper. If you like good music, this movie is a must. I sat with a lump in my throat and goosebumps all over throughout the 98 minutes it lasted - it IS that good!
- Alison Krauss has a couple of numbers, including a mighty purdy version of "Down in the river to pray", toghether with a Baptist Choir from Tennessee...
- The Fairfield Four does a rousing a capella version of Po' Lazarus...
- Gillian Welch and David Rawlings do an incredible "I wanna sing that rock and roll"...
- Goddess Emmylou Harris... her voice is indescribable... she sings "I am weary, let me rest" in a tear-inducing way, then does an eery version of "Go to sleep little babe" together with Welch and Krauss (she also sings a couple of lines of other things backstage that alone make this movie worth buying... damn, that woman can sing!)
- Finally, living legend Ralph Stanley (born 1927), who started his career way back in the '40s sings the old traditional "O Death". Hearing and seeing this ancient grayhaired guy singing that haunting tune, with its sombre words in his "high, lonesome sound" voice... now, if that doesn't chill you to the bone, nothing will, you poor, sad bastard.
There's lots of other goodies here too from less well known artists, all very much worth looking further into. Get thee to a music store, or to amazon.com and buy, buy, buy!
The DVD opens with interviews and scenes from backstage and the rehearsals, then there's the concert proper. If you like good music, this movie is a must. I sat with a lump in my throat and goosebumps all over throughout the 98 minutes it lasted - it IS that good!
- Alison Krauss has a couple of numbers, including a mighty purdy version of "Down in the river to pray", toghether with a Baptist Choir from Tennessee...
- The Fairfield Four does a rousing a capella version of Po' Lazarus...
- Gillian Welch and David Rawlings do an incredible "I wanna sing that rock and roll"...
- Goddess Emmylou Harris... her voice is indescribable... she sings "I am weary, let me rest" in a tear-inducing way, then does an eery version of "Go to sleep little babe" together with Welch and Krauss (she also sings a couple of lines of other things backstage that alone make this movie worth buying... damn, that woman can sing!)
- Finally, living legend Ralph Stanley (born 1927), who started his career way back in the '40s sings the old traditional "O Death". Hearing and seeing this ancient grayhaired guy singing that haunting tune, with its sombre words in his "high, lonesome sound" voice... now, if that doesn't chill you to the bone, nothing will, you poor, sad bastard.
There's lots of other goodies here too from less well known artists, all very much worth looking further into. Get thee to a music store, or to amazon.com and buy, buy, buy!
May the (dark side of the) force be with you!
I saw the last Star Wars movie yesterday, and I think I may want to become a Sith Lord when I grow up. They're so much more fun than those tedious holier-than-thou Jedi knights. There's all sorts of philosophical crap one could say about this movie I suppose, but I just can't be bothered. Suffice it to say that this is by far the best of the three recent episodes, yet it doesn't come close to the old ones. The technology is simply fantastic and there are elements of suspense and drama, but this movie still lacks the soul and the spirit of adventure that made the initial movies so great. The dialogue is pompous and forced and most of the actors either don't fit or are not up to the job. Hayden Christensen in particular is a horrible choice for Anakin, and Natalie Portman, while a talented actress, doesn't really seem believable here. Ewan McGregor does a reasonably good job as Obi-Wan, but the best actor by far is Ian McDiarmid as Chancellor Palpatine. He's quite simply brilliant and very, very believable.
[On a side note: Sniper rifle shooting at running children in cinemas should become a new contest in the next Olympics. Also, kids that talk during a movie like this one should be forced to spend a night with Michael Jackson.]
[On a side note: Sniper rifle shooting at running children in cinemas should become a new contest in the next Olympics. Also, kids that talk during a movie like this one should be forced to spend a night with Michael Jackson.]
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Stupid, incompetent and racist
I recently discovered something appalling in the dictionary we use at school - a dictionary I think is in widespread use all over Norway. It is called "English blue dictionary" and it is published by Kunnskapsforlaget, a well reputed joint venture between two of Norway's leading publishing houses, Gyldendal and Aschehoug, so you'd think it would be a fairly reliable and decent product.
Well, you'd be wrong.
In the newest version we have at school, printed in 2000, they have translated the English term "hack work" into Norwegian "litterært niggerarbeid" - which directly translated back into English means "Literary nigger work". Yes, that's right. The n-word. Admittedly it has the abbreviation "neds." for "nedsettende", the Norwegian equivalent of "derogatory", but STILL.
In an earlier version they'd also translated "drudgery" into "niggerarbeid", but they've changed that in the 2000 edition to Norwegian "slit" or "strev", which are correct translations, and in addition they have added "fig. slavearbeid", that is, it has the figurative meaning of "slave work".
Now, if they could find a non-racist term for "drudgery", why not for "hack work"? How is it possible that presumably enlightened, educated people can use the term "nigger" as recently as the year 2000, in a dictionary meant for high schoolers all over Norway, a country we locals like to think of as both tolerant and civilized...?
Well, you'd be wrong.
In the newest version we have at school, printed in 2000, they have translated the English term "hack work" into Norwegian "litterært niggerarbeid" - which directly translated back into English means "Literary nigger work". Yes, that's right. The n-word. Admittedly it has the abbreviation "neds." for "nedsettende", the Norwegian equivalent of "derogatory", but STILL.
In an earlier version they'd also translated "drudgery" into "niggerarbeid", but they've changed that in the 2000 edition to Norwegian "slit" or "strev", which are correct translations, and in addition they have added "fig. slavearbeid", that is, it has the figurative meaning of "slave work".
Now, if they could find a non-racist term for "drudgery", why not for "hack work"? How is it possible that presumably enlightened, educated people can use the term "nigger" as recently as the year 2000, in a dictionary meant for high schoolers all over Norway, a country we locals like to think of as both tolerant and civilized...?
Surprise, surprise
Had an Electrocardiogram done this morning, and contrary to what ya'll might think it turns out I actually DO have a heart. Not only that, but apparently it's a pretty good one. I'm as surprised as you are.
Monday, May 16, 2005
Saturday, May 14, 2005
GODDAMN COUNTRY
This weekend is Whitsun and so, in this goddamn country with its goddamn state church and its goddamn Lutheran pastor Prime Minister, all the goddamn stores in this goddamn town decided to close at goddamn 4PM instead of the usual 8PM. And since in this goddamn country the upcoming Monday is also a goddamn religious holiday and since Tuesday is the goddamn Constitution Day of this goddamn country, I am forced to make my goddamn purchases in goddamn gas stations, which are the only places that are open, and which are usually twice as goddamn expensive as the already goddamn overpriced goods in the goddamn closed grocery stores, which won't open till Wednesday morning, GODDAMN IT! ARGH!
And they wonder why Norway has one of the highest suicide rates in the world...
And they wonder why Norway has one of the highest suicide rates in the world...
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Movie review: Kingdom of Heaven
Went and saw Kingdom of Heaven last week... a movie much hyped, not least thanks to Orlando Bloom, who for some unfathomable reason has become some sort of magnet for female moviegoers. Personally I think he's an actor of decidely modest qualities, and he comes nowhere near the kind of personal authority an actor would need to make this movie a great one.
The story follows a young widowed blacksmith who is suddenly informed that he is the son of a crusading nobleman. The father is played by former Jedi Knight Liam Neeson, and it was all I could do not to shout "I am your father, Luke" out loud... But then I'd have had to kill myself for violating my own movie theater etiquette, so I kept quiet.
The young lad gets his father killed, sails off to Jerusalem, is washed up on a beach, kills an Arab in one of the most phony looking conflict scenes in cinematic history and befriends the Arab's servant by not chopping his head off. I'd warn you that this was a spoiler, but if you don't understand at this point that they will meet again, and that the "servant" is really someone important, then quite frankly you are too stupid to be watching anything more complicated than your own navel fluff. There's a leper Christian king of Jerusalem, some mean priests and a lovely lady whom Orland gets to bang while her cardboard-mean hubby is away scheming against all that is good and decent in the world (not much, considering that this is the late 1180s).
The movie does a fairly good job of showing how both sides in the Crusades era had their share of fanatics and morons. The muslim leader, the famed Saladin (who, by the way was KURDISH, not Arab), is portrayed as a tough but honest leader. There are some half decent battle scenes, the siege of Jerusalem in particular is well made.
This is not a bad movie, it has considerable entertainment value at times. A movie mainly consisting of religious fanatics killing each other is a good thing any way you look at it. Still, the main cast is not quite up to making this a great movie, which it could and should have been. And Edward Norton, even if wearing a mask for the entirety of the movie, still kicks Orlando's pasty ass.
The story follows a young widowed blacksmith who is suddenly informed that he is the son of a crusading nobleman. The father is played by former Jedi Knight Liam Neeson, and it was all I could do not to shout "I am your father, Luke" out loud... But then I'd have had to kill myself for violating my own movie theater etiquette, so I kept quiet.
The young lad gets his father killed, sails off to Jerusalem, is washed up on a beach, kills an Arab in one of the most phony looking conflict scenes in cinematic history and befriends the Arab's servant by not chopping his head off. I'd warn you that this was a spoiler, but if you don't understand at this point that they will meet again, and that the "servant" is really someone important, then quite frankly you are too stupid to be watching anything more complicated than your own navel fluff. There's a leper Christian king of Jerusalem, some mean priests and a lovely lady whom Orland gets to bang while her cardboard-mean hubby is away scheming against all that is good and decent in the world (not much, considering that this is the late 1180s).
The movie does a fairly good job of showing how both sides in the Crusades era had their share of fanatics and morons. The muslim leader, the famed Saladin (who, by the way was KURDISH, not Arab), is portrayed as a tough but honest leader. There are some half decent battle scenes, the siege of Jerusalem in particular is well made.
This is not a bad movie, it has considerable entertainment value at times. A movie mainly consisting of religious fanatics killing each other is a good thing any way you look at it. Still, the main cast is not quite up to making this a great movie, which it could and should have been. And Edward Norton, even if wearing a mask for the entirety of the movie, still kicks Orlando's pasty ass.
Stand up and be counted
Ok, I's gone and got me one o' dem free sitemeter thingies... so c'mon and VISIT my site, ya bastards! VISIT ME! *shaking fist*
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Ich bin ein Enterpriser
No, I haven't suddenly turned Trekkie on ya'll... I simply took the typology test over at the Pew Center which just released the results of a very interesting survey on American attitudes. The survey is called "Beyond Red vs. Blue" and looks at the ideological differences not just between people who call themselves Republican or Democrat, but also the fissures within those parties.
Pew divided conservatives into "Enterprisers", "Social Conservatives" and "Pro-Government Conservatives", so I guess it's no big surprise I find myself in the first group. Feel free to take the test and post your results in the comments section, kids.
Pew divided conservatives into "Enterprisers", "Social Conservatives" and "Pro-Government Conservatives", so I guess it's no big surprise I find myself in the first group. Feel free to take the test and post your results in the comments section, kids.
Sunday, May 8, 2005
Your weekly serving of blasphemy
On time... and a double helping, since I'm feeling particularly evil today.
YES, I stole this one from Woody Allen:
YES, I stole this one from Woody Allen:
The UK elections
So, the elections are over and things went pretty much as I thought they would. Labo(u)r was returned with a strongly reduced majority and the Tories made a slightly less pitiful showing than last time. I don't have any major difficulties with a Blair-led government, but I'm skeptical about Gordon Brown. I don't think he has the sense, nor the balls to continue hunting down and killing the leftist elements in his own party, and so we may see a change of course should he take over. On the bright side, a tax-and-spend Labo(u)r party in cahoots with the trade unions might just be enough to make the Tories competitive again. Which would be excellent news for us lovers of flogging (in a strictly punitive way, you pervs!)
Monday, May 2, 2005
To the right of Attila the Hun
A few weeks ago, I posted the results of a survey I took regarding UK politics. It came as no big surprise that I was by far closest to the Conservative Party. Now there's another page with a very good political quiz, not primarily to show you what party you should vote for, but to compare your views with that of the British electorate, with additional comparisons broken down into categories of party affiliation, age, preferred newspaper etc. Very informative and analytical!
My results show that I'm "slightly right of center" on non-economical issues and "very right wing" on economical ones. I blame my disappointingly moderate score on there being no questions pertaining to public flogging, nor the introduction of capital punishment in elementary schools.
My results show that I'm "slightly right of center" on non-economical issues and "very right wing" on economical ones. I blame my disappointingly moderate score on there being no questions pertaining to public flogging, nor the introduction of capital punishment in elementary schools.
Sunday, May 1, 2005
Ok, since you've all been good this week...
... I'll throw in a second pic... and I know you godless commies are going to love me for this one...
Your Sunday Blasphemy is served
Lest I get another berating from Special Sauce for being tardy with my blasphemy, here is today's serving... and remember: Every time someone joins a trade union, Baby Jesus cries.
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