Went and saw Kingdom of Heaven last week... a movie much hyped, not least thanks to Orlando Bloom, who for some unfathomable reason has become some sort of magnet for female moviegoers. Personally I think he's an actor of decidely modest qualities, and he comes nowhere near the kind of personal authority an actor would need to make this movie a great one.
The story follows a young widowed blacksmith who is suddenly informed that he is the son of a crusading nobleman. The father is played by former Jedi Knight Liam Neeson, and it was all I could do not to shout "I am your father, Luke" out loud... But then I'd have had to kill myself for violating my own movie theater etiquette, so I kept quiet.
The young lad gets his father killed, sails off to Jerusalem, is washed up on a beach, kills an Arab in one of the most phony looking conflict scenes in cinematic history and befriends the Arab's servant by not chopping his head off. I'd warn you that this was a spoiler, but if you don't understand at this point that they will meet again, and that the "servant" is really someone important, then quite frankly you are too stupid to be watching anything more complicated than your own navel fluff. There's a leper Christian king of Jerusalem, some mean priests and a lovely lady whom Orland gets to bang while her cardboard-mean hubby is away scheming against all that is good and decent in the world (not much, considering that this is the late 1180s).
The movie does a fairly good job of showing how both sides in the Crusades era had their share of fanatics and morons. The muslim leader, the famed Saladin (who, by the way was KURDISH, not Arab), is portrayed as a tough but honest leader. There are some half decent battle scenes, the siege of Jerusalem in particular is well made.
This is not a bad movie, it has considerable entertainment value at times. A movie mainly consisting of religious fanatics killing each other is a good thing any way you look at it. Still, the main cast is not quite up to making this a great movie, which it could and should have been. And Edward Norton, even if wearing a mask for the entirety of the movie, still kicks Orlando's pasty ass.
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4 comments:
Uhhh...I'd be happy to explain Orlando Bloom's qualities to you if you like. :-)
I think you're right about his acting skills, though. Sigh...why can't they be pretty AND talented? No, really...why?
And Edward Norton? Is a god. You are so right about him kicking OB's ass.
Thanks for the review. Now I can save the time and $.
Testing...
Grrr. I know where you live and which car you drive, so you can start counting your hours. Folks - if there is no Sunday blasfemy this week, y'all know why.
Orlando is by far the greatest actor ..EVER! It's not his fault that he is beautiful, handsome, lovely, yummy, tasty.. *stop now* cute, fit *no seriously. stop. now*
*Wiping drivel off my shirt*
It is soo obvious that he is playing down his acting skills to please the ego's of the (next to Orlando) untalented likes of Jeremy Iron and Liam Neeson.
Pirates of Caribbien II is coming up. Can't wait...
And besides...I know you're just doing this to annoy me. Just admit it; you like Orlando too. C'mon. What's not to like? Just say it. SAY IT GODDAMMIT!
Ooops. Taking my pills. Now.
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