Quote of the Day

On the sixth day God created man. On the seventh day, man returned the favor.
- Unknown

Quote of the Day

Never underestimate a woman - unless you're talking about her age or her weight.
- Unknown

Quote of the Day

Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer each, and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making any sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive. No further testing is planned.
- Unknown

Quote of the Day

There is nothing friendlier than a wet dog.
- Unknown

Quote of the Day

A friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body.
- Unknown

Spring

The wind is howling and it's raining sideways. Spring has come to Norway.

Quote of the Day

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
- Unknown

Quote of the Day

Revenge is sleeping with your enemy's wife. Sweet revenge is the realization that she's a lousy lay.
- Unknown

Quote of the Day

Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?
- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

"Man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much... the wheel, New York, wars, and so on, whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely the dolphins believed themselves to be more intelligent than man for precisely the same reasons."
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Quote of the Day

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

I have a well-deserved reputation for being something of a gadget freak, and am rarely happier than when spending an entire day programming my computer to perform automatically a task that would otherwise take me a good ten seconds to do by hand.
- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

Arthur: 'It's at times like this I wish I'd listened to my mother.'
Ford : 'Why, what did she say?'
Arthur: 'I don't know, I never listened.'
- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

Quote of the Day

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.
- Douglas Adams

Quote of the Day

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
- Dave Barry

Snow

This was the view out my living room window today around 6PM. It's official - next winter I'm hibernating!

Quote of the Day

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care.
- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

Dave Barry week!

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

Pray: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
- Ambrose Bierce

Quote of the Day

Justice, n.: A decision in your favor.
- Ambrose Bierce

Quote of the Day

Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted into each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
- Ambrose Bierce

Quote of the Day

Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.
- Ambrose Bierce

Quote of the Day

Confidante: One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.
- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Frogs

You know the drill.

This is a picture of:

a) Two frogs bonking
b) Two frenchies bonking
c) What the frenchies call "un petit snack"
d) All of the above

Quote of the Day

Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
- Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary

Quote of the Day

This week will be devoted to Ambrose Bierce, who wrote The Devil's Dictionary.

Quoting: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
- Ambrose Bierce

One more, for the hell of it

Since I can:

This picture is:

A) Al Gore's worst nightmare come true...
B) Al Gore's wet dream come true...
C) A remarkable resemblance of Al Gore taking a dip...
D) All of the above...

Contest - Polar bear edition

It's time for another contest. Ya'll know how this works...

This is a picture of:

A) A rug.
B) A dead polar bear.
C) A fat, mean killing machine (dead).
D) All of the above.

Quote of the Day

Scriptures: The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
- Ambrose Bierce

Quote of the Day

Those who complain most are those who are most complained of.
- Matthew Henry

Quote of the Day

Words ought to be a little wild, for they are the assault of thoughts on the unthinking.
- John Maynard Keynes

Quote of the Day

St. Paddy's Day today, hence the quote:

The Irish are a fair people - they never speak well of one another.
- Samuel Johnson

Quote of the Day

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
- Scott Adams

Quote of the Day

Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.
- John W. Gardner

Quote of the Day

Be thankful for problems. If they were less difficult, someone with less ability might have your job.
- James A. Lovell

I, a communist

Mwahahahahahaaaaa! Today I actually signed the list proposal for a local alliance of the Socialist Left Party, the Marxists (not very in my experience) and some independent reds. They're trying to put together an alternative before September's local elections here in my hometown and since they're a new alternative they needed 300 signatures in order to run.

I don't know if they'll make it, but to me it's mostly a question of democracy. To my mind this means giving the people what they want, good and hard. If a majority of the locals think we should give these loonies (ok, ok, I actually know many of them and they're nice people) power, so be it. We'll have four years of dreamy idiocy and then the state can come in and clean up the remains before giving power to the right for the next twenty years...

Anyway, they're a democratic alternative (not much prolatarian revolution left here...) and I think they should be allowed to give it a go, even though I don't agree with them on much. I certainly won't vote for them. But since I'm not a member of any other party, I'll at least give them my signature, if they want it. That's a small price to pay for democracy.

Quote of the Day

When I get down on my knees, it is not to pray.
- Madonna

Quote of the Day

They say I'm a horrible person, but that just isn't true. I have the heart of a young boy... In a jar on my desk.
- Steven King

Quote of the Day

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs - jolted by every pebble in the road.
- Henry Ward Beecher

Quote of the Day

No opera plot can be sensible, for in sensible situations people do not sing.
- W. H. Auden

Quote of the Day

Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.
- John Ciardi

Quote of the Day

It's the 8. of March today, the International Women's Day. So I thought this would be a fitting quote:

The word and works of God is quite clear, that women were made either to be wives or prostitutes.
- Martin Luther

Quote of the Day

Tous les genres sont bons, hors le genre ennuyeux.
[Any genre is good, except the boring.]
- Voltaire

Quote of the Day

The theory that you should always treat the religious convictions of other people with respect finds no support in the Gospels.
- Arnold Lunn

Quote of the Day

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
- Dave Barry

Quote of the Day

What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
- Augustus Saint-Gaudens

Stand up if you hate Man U

Today we're back with our regular four options again...

In this picture, Sir Alex Ferguson is:

a) Showing Wayne Rooney how many brain cells Wayne's got...
b) Showing Wayne Rooney how long Wayne's penis is...
c) Trying to hypnotize Wayne Rooney into becoming an intelligent football player...
d) All of the above...

Quote of the Day

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
- Emo Phillips

Zion! Joooooos!

This time, we're adding a little twist to our caption contest. Today ONE of the sentences below is false and should be eliminated (much like the Iranian government).

This image is:

a) The official logo of the 2012 Summer Olympics in London.
b) A cleverly constructed way of spelling "ZION", a code word for the jooooos.
c) A clear sign that the Iranian government has gone off the deep end.
d) ... oh fuck it, nuke the assholes already!

Quote of the Day

Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say that there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.
- Frank Zappa

Quote of the Day

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Ask away! I dare ya!

I already have my first question! And answer! So go ahead, I dare ya!

I got a shiny, new blog!

For those of you who have lived a benighted life of ignorance about Norway and Norwegians, here is your chance to be enlightened: http://askanorwegian.blogspot.com/

My newestest blog is devoted to all things Norwegian, and I shall attempt to answer your questions in a serious way (except for the occasional snide remark about the Swedes).

Also, if you don't start asking questions soon, I'm gonna have to start making stuff up. Trust me, none of us want THAT.

Captions - Oscar edition

Last night saw (reputedly, as I wouldn't be caught dead watching it) the worst Academy Awards show in the history of the world. So at least you can have a lil' fun with it NOW.

The people in this picture are:

a) Apologizing to the audience for fucking up their night
b) Surrendering to the fashion police
c) Doing their own version of the famous "gallic shrug"
d) Who gives a fuck?

Quote of the Day

Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool.
- Bellamy Brooks

Vive la Republique!

The person in the middle of this photo looks like...:

a) a living indictment of public dental care
b) he's drunk out of his mind
c) king Harald V of Norway
d) all of the above

Quote of the Day

On the dogmas of religion, as distinguished from moral principles, all mankind, from the beginning of the world to this day, have been quarreling, fighting, burning and torturing one another for abstractions unintelligible to themselves and to all others, and absolutely beyond the comprehension of the human mind.
- Thomas Jefferson

Quote of the Day

The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.
- Woody Allen

Quote of the Day

I sometimes think of what future historians will say of us. A single sentence will suffice for modern man: he fornicated and read the papers.
- Albert Camus

Lindsay Lohan captions!

The pics just keep poppin up... this time it's Lindsay Lohan, here portrayed in a court of law in Los Angeles. Suggested captions:



"Why Yes, your Honor! I am a thieving slut with a drug problem!"
"Watch me now, as I use this microphone for a penis substitute..."
"A little more cleavage? Certainly, Sir!"
"Man, I'm so stoned, EVERYTHING is funny..."

And of course:
"I just called to say... I loooove youuuuu"

Quote of the Day

It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son and another woman twenty minutes to turn him into an idiot.
- Helen Rowland

Quote of the Day

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
- Samuel Goldwyn

Khadafi captions

The pictures just keep on coming - or maybe I'm just more evil minded. Anyway, some suggested captions for this picture:



"...and tell the tailor to adjust the sleeves on this uniform..."
"The future's so bright I gotta wear shades"
"And the prize for best male supporting actor goes to..."
"Simon says... stand up!"
"I hereby declare the Tripoli Walmart opened"

And you just KNOW this is going to be a regular from now on...
"I just caaaalled to saaaaay... I loooove youuuuuu..."

Oh yes!

Finally, JUSTICE: "Man shot dead for eating popcorn too loudly during Black Swan". For further reading, I refer to my previous post Movie Theatre Etiquette.

Quote of the Day

You can't build a reputation on what you're going to do.
- Henry Ford

Quote of the Day

No mockery in the world ever sounds to me as hollow as that of being told to cultivate happiness. Happiness is not a potato, to be planted in mould, and tilled with manure.
- Charlotte Bronte

Captions! Italian version!

One might argue that modesty forbids one to venture guesses as to what Mr Berlusconi is saying (and, more importantly DOING) in this picture, but modesty was never my strong suit. So here goes!



"But I wanna be prime ministeeeeeeeeeer! Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
"I farted!
"Angela Merkel naked! My eyes! I'm blind!"
"Why does it hurt when I peeeeeee!
"If I close my eyes and pretend to sleep, maybe the sex scandal will go away!"


And just for the hell of it:
"I just called to saaaaayyyyy I loooove youuuuuu"

Quote of the Day

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
- George Bernard Shaw

Quote of the Day

Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.
- Jack Handy

Quote of the Day

My husband and I have found a great system for housekeeping: None of us do it.
- Dottie Archibald

More caption contests!

Ya'll know how to play this by now...

This person bears a striking resemblance to:

a) A deer in headlights
b) The straight-A student you always wanted to punch in the teeth back in high school
c) President Obama's new press secretary, Jay Carney
d) All of the above

Last Boehner captions

My two last posts (for now!)...

Quote of the Day

It's the good girls who keep diaries. The others never have the time.
- Tallulah Bankhead

Yet more Boehner captions

More Mubarak captions!

"I see dead people!"
"Who farted?"


And two Norwegian ones... apologies to my foreign readers, but this won't make sense except in a Norwegian context:
"Pompel?" "Piiilt!"
"Dansar som robotar"

More Boehner captions!

Quote of the Day

A man is usually more careful of his money than he is of his principles.
- Edgar Watson Howe

More captions

Wheeeee!

Captions! New picture! Wheeee!

Without further ado...



"Is that an Israeli nuke coming towards us?"
"Cool Ray-bans!"
"I can see Paris"
"...I just called to sayyyy... I love youuuuuuu"

Quote of the Day

It is better to be making the news than taking it; to be an actor rather than a critic.
- Winston Churchill

Quote of the Day

After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's relations.
- Oscar Wilde

Captions! Ish phunneeeeeeeeeee!

Ok, it's been WAY too long since I last had fun with serious journalism, so here goes. This time I've found a picture and given one of the people in it some amusing(?) "thoughts"; in this case the person in question is the newly minted Speaker of the House of Representatives, John Boehner (R) of Ohio. The person in front should need no introduction. I've got ten of these at the moment, so cast your critical sense aside and let's have us some fun!

Quote of the Day

The Lord is NOT my shepherd, because I am not a sheep.
- John Arthur Larson

Quote of the Day

Moderation has been called a virtue to limit the ambition of great men, and to console undistinguished people for their want of fortune and their lack of merit.
- La Rochefoucauld

Quote of the Day

Everywhere I go I’m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don’t stifle enough of them.
- Flannery O’Connor

Quote of the Day

Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address.
- Lane Olinghouse

Quote of the Day

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.
- Thomas Alva Edison

Quote of the Day

Convent: A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
- Ambrose Bierce

Quote of the Day

We can be knowledgeable with other men's knowledge, but we cannot be wise with other men's wisdom.
- Michel De Montaigne

Quote of the Day

"Between air conditioning and the Pope, I chose air conditioning."
- Woody Allen in "Deconstructing Harry"

Quote of the Day

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called "Everybody" and they meet at the bar.
- Drew Carey

Quote of the Day

"Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get"
- Tom Hanks, "Forrest Gump"

Quote of the Day

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
- Groucho Marx

Quote of the Day

Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
- Robert Heinlein

Quote of the Day

"You're just jealous because I'm a real freak and you have to wear a mask."
- Danny DeVito in "Batman Returns"