Pope II

This picture is going to provide me with so much fun...

Why America is top dog

The Washington Times is running a series of articles explaining why the US is top dog and the rest of us suck. Highly recommended reading!

Monkey business

In the first place God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made school boards.
- Mark Twain

This is just the latest in a long series of attacks on science, of course... The School Board in Dover, PA has voted to include "Intelligent Design" as an alternative to evolution in high school science lessons. To understand why this is a moronic idea, please go here.

I've always found it incredible that an advanced country such as the US is still infested with so many ignorant dimwits of the religious persuasion. I guess the monkey part of the brain kicks in when ingrained beliefs and prejudices are challenged by facts...

I'm going to hell for this...

I'm going to make lots of variations on this theme - be warned...
muahahahahaaaaa

Another church sign from hell

Happy holidays... muahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Forza Italia!

Well, at least ONE aspect of the Christmas spirit seems to have caught me: I'm spending money like a drunken sailor.

Today, I bought a language course in Italian. It cost me almost $100.

Now, I've always loved opera, and Italy has plenty of interesting history, culture, cuisine etc, but to learn the actual language? My credo has always been that anything worth reading exists in an English translation and that anyone who does not speak English is, by definition, not worth my time anyway.

Only time can tell if I'll actually follow through on this or if the course will simply gather dust on a shelf... the odds are 50-50 at best.

Here, kitty, kitty

We all know that many people have more money than brains. The latest example is this Texan woman who has cloned her dead cat... to the price of $50,000!

"He is identical. I have not been able to see one difference" said the woman. Well DUH, a clone is not different from an an identical twin, biologically speaking (unless something goes wrong with the cloning process, as sometimes happen). The woman also said her dead cat "was exceptionally intelligent. He knew 11 commands." We can safely assume he was smarter than his owner - no cat would ever spend 50k on a replica of a human being.

The new kitten, needless to say, is wewy adowable.
Aw, c'mon... ya knows I lubs 'em.

Santa's elves are unionizing

It's true.

Expect your Christmas gifts to arrive sometime in February from now on...

Surrender monkeys rob Santa

Delighted at finally finding someone they could fight and win, French teenagers have robbed Santa Clause. Way to go, frogs!

Merry fuckin xmas

Went to the dentist today. $120 poorer, a numb jaw and the taste of tranquilizer in my mouth. Ho ho ho.

News you can't make up

In Nigeria, they're trying out a new AIDS drug.

Not in laboratories.

Not in hospitals.

In brothels.

Opinions are like assholes: Full of crap.

A new survey shows that a majority of Americans think the Iraq war was a mistake, that it is too early for elections in Iraq, etc etc. All that this shows is that the public have the attention span of goldfish. When the news is full of horror stories, the public will go "ahhhh, the skies are falling". When the news is of advancing US troops or dead terrorists, they will wave the flag and cheer.

His numerous faults aside, I am glad America has a president that seems to put conviction and principle ahead of fickle public opinion shaped by whatever was on the evening news the night before the survey was taken.

No it doesn't, you moron!

Sloppy goddamn morons of the press... USA Today writes:

"The ancient Chinese art of acupuncture offered people with arthritis of the knee significant pain relief, but it didn't seem to help people with chronic neck pain, according to two scientific studies out today.

Acupuncture, the practice of inserting needles into specific body points, has been practiced for some 2,000 years by the Chinese. But it has never been fully accepted or studied by U.S. physicians or scientists."

All good, except that it's not remotely true. What the press fails to grasp when writing about acupuncture, is that it is a wholly different phenomenon than today's practice of sticking needles in people. Allow me to explain: Acupuncture is a Chinese "art" based on a metaphysical concept. The method is based on a belief in various uninformed, superstitious dribble like "chi", "yin", "yang" and such. The needles are stuck in certain places in order to unblock unseen (and non-existing) "energy meridians" in the body. It is these blocks, according to the ancient Chinese, that cause illness, and when the needles unblock the meridians, the illness will go away.

What the two studies have shown is something quite different, according to the actual researchers, (scientists can usually be counted on to be somewhat more precise in their statements than your average media hack):

"Acupuncture might work by spurring the body to release natural painkilling substances called endorphins"

"Acupuncture is not a cure"

In other words: Sticking needles in people does not cure any illnesses (thus disproving the basic tenets of actual acupuncture) and there is a perfectly scientific, rational explanation for any physical effect you might get from it.

I don't think it is unlikely that stimulating certain sensitive parts of the body can be medically beneficial - we know it has obvious psychological benefits (a good back rub... mmmmmm!). What these studies do is to increase our knowledge and hopefully our efficiency in applying such stimulation in practical medical treatment. What they do NOT is to indicate that there is any truth whatsoever to the ancient Chinese superstition of acupuncture.

Fun, fun fun

Wheeeeeeeeeeee! *clapping hands*

The 6th Harry Potter book has been completed, and will probably be released sometime in 2005. I think these books are good fun and jolly entertaining. Besides, anything that can make people read is a good thing by me. I even have Norwegian pupils who have read the books in English, so Potter provides language training as well.

Kill the telemarketers

I am sure this will be a recurring theme on this blog:

TELEMARKETERS MUST DIE.

They have indirectly maimed me!
'Tis true!

Last week I unplugged my phone in order to take a little afternoon nap, undisturbed by pestering calls from perky young assholes trying to pimp some worthless service or charity or whatever (they should have learned by now that the only things I give freely are wedgies and insults). Later in the evening I managed to STEP on the loose plug. For those of you not familiar with Norwegian phones, the thingy that goes into the wall has three sharp metal ends sticking out - or in this case firmly sticking INTO my foot. I'm still limping badly, the wound looks disgusting and I'm missing a party tonight because of it. DIE, TELEMARKETERS, DIE!!!

A cold day in hell

"Freezing temperatures hit northern Florida on Monday morning"

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Serves you right, you smug bastards! Hope ya'll freeze to death in slow, horribly painful ways.

Imaginary Friends

(No, I'm not talking about my colleagues, nor about my family...)
According to a study, having imaginary friends in childhood can be of real psychological help to kids. The study claims two thirds have had such "friends" by the time they're seven, and 1/3 still have them at that point.

My guess is that we're now seeing the consequences of all that shit people were smoking in the 60s...

I had some imaginary friends myself, of course, when I was little - but they would only play with each other. Still, I'll use this study for all that it's worth the next time I'm in court because of someting the voices told me to do (like creating a blog).

In other news...

* In Florida, a 96 year old woman is running for re-election as mayor of a retirement community.

I'm not sure if I can improve on this kind of news, so I'll just move on.


* On Wall Street, they're getting ready to sell the famous "Charging Bull" sculpture.

Guess they've got enough bull as it is.


* According to a new poll, Americans claim that on a daily basis they are six times more likely to say a prayer than to take a drink.

Seems Nietzsche's quip about the two great European narcotics being alcohol and Christianity applies to the US as well.

In addition, only 23% would admit to swearing more than once a day. No word on how often they lie to pollsters, though.

Church Signs from Hell

This will be a weekly feature... or more often, if I feel the urge... muahahahahaaaaaaaaa!



And YES, I come up with the texts myself... cuz I is funneeeee!

Person of the Year 2004

TIME Magazine has chosen president George W. Bush as its "Person of the Year". Well, if they insist on overlooking me again, I guess he's as good a choice as any. Hrmph!

Oh Happy Day!

A judge has handed down fines in the order of ONE ... BILLION ... DOLLARS to about 300 spammers.

Personally, I think spamming is what the death penalty was invented for, but a billion dollars of good cold cash from their pockets is definitely a beginning.

Dance, wuss... DANCE!

From Instapundit:
The US Department of Justice has issued an opinion concluding that the Constitution's 2nd Amendment guarantees an individual right to bear arms.

I've never understood what the fuss was about. Those who want guns to be easily available already own almost all the guns in the country, while the wussies who want regulations barely have a dozen slings and some silver spoons between them. So why the need to argue at all?

Cheese-eating surrender-monkeys in space

France launched a spy satellite Saturday. According to the French Defense Ministry (aka the Ministry for Retreat, Surrender and Co-operation with the Occupiers) "the satellite is to monitor possible weapons proliferation, prepare and evaluate military operations and digitally map terrain for cruise missile guidance".

MY guess is they simply want to be ready to surrender even earlier than today. Watch for a stampede out of Paris, heading south the next time Luxembourg holds a parade.

Also, check out this hilarious piece.

Freak show

* Michael Jackson has hosted a party at Neverland with 200 kids.
It's not enough he's molesting them, he needs to have orgies now?

"One of the youngsters shouted, "We love you."
"I love you more," Jackson replied

Yeah, I bet he does. Tell me again why we haven't stoned this freak years ago?

Happy Roman Sun God Celebration

The nuttier wing of the Jesus crowd are pissed that "christ" is being taken out of Christmas. Apparently, many businesses have started to wish their customers a "happy holiday" instead of "merry Christmas", and this has got some people riled. Some of the sane, informed quotes by the nutties:

- "Our position is: If they want the gold, frankincense and myrrh, they should acknowledge the birth of the child," said Wooden, pastor of the Upper Room Church of God in Christ."

We here at the Lower Closet Library of Common Knowledge learned years ago that "Christmas" is celebrated because the early Christians stole the various non-Christian days of celebration to ease the transition of a "heathen" population into a new faith. Hence, the birth of Christ was fixed by the Roman Church at Dec 25, the date of the celebration of the old Roman sun festival, "Sol Invictus", which predated Christianity by centuries. If Jesus was born at a time when shepherds could be found in the fields, it was probably in late spring. It's not that I would put any weight on what the gospels tell us, I just thought maybe a pastor would.


- "It's not so much an attack on us. It's an attack on Christ."

If Christ exists, he's more than 2,000 years old now. That means he's old enough to fend for himself, unless he's a Euro-wuss.


- "There's one group of people who get bullied all the time, and that's Christians," he said. "I know what it is like to be bullied. It is apartheid in reverse — the majority is being bullied by the minority."

A just turn of events, if only it were true. Personally, I'd welcome back the lions.

A Suggestion

Treasury Secretary John "should-I-stay-or-should-I-go" Snow yesterday advocated BORROWING the money needed for the suggested changes in America's Social Security system. The problem with the Bush administration's desire to reform the system from wholly government controlled (and hence a Ponzi scheme) to partially private (meaning fiscally sound), is that there will be transaction costs in the amount of $10 trillion.

I have a better suggestion: Fuck the poor. You don't work when you're young, you don' eat when you're old. Axe every single entitlement program - if people pay more money into the system than they get out of it, it's robbery and also useless. If you get more out of it than you put in, you need a job and a haircut - not my tax money.

More mad cackling matters

There are so many commentworthy (is that even a word?) news stories out there every day...

* According to a study, British girls have now overtaken boys in teenage binge drinking. Britain has "exceptionally high levels of heavy drinking and illicit drug use".

Personally, I think anyone acquainted with the general appearance of Britons will understand why they feel a need to drink themselves blind - the very survival of their people depends on it. And I guess the only thing worse than facing hanky panky with a British female is to risk it with a British male, hence the unorthodox binge ratio.

* The African National Congress is criticizing the US over the use of AIDS drug nevirapine in Africa. This coming from the party running a nation whose president, Thabo Mbeki, for YEARS refused to acknowledge that AIDS is caused by HIV. His feetdragging caused thousands of his countrymen's lives. And how 'bout doing something with the widespread local belief that sex with virgins cures AIDS? Might take care of yer reputation as the rape capital of the world, eh? Then again, this is not the first time a crakpot 3rd world leader finds it more convenient to blame Great Satan than to actually do something to improve things at home.

* Locals raped by foreign soldiers. Iraq? Nah, then you'd have heard about it, 'cause it'd be all over the news, all over the world. Instead, it is our beloved United Nations (aka the Annan Family Retirement Fund): "The United Nations said recently that it had uncovered 150 allegations of sexual abuse committed by United Nations peacekeepers stationed in Congo". Also: "The allegations leveled against United Nations personnel in Congo include sex with underage partners, sex with prostitutes and rape".

I'd love to see what the blue helmets could do in Abu Graib.

* American "working girls" are getting organized. Oh no... does this mean we'll have to pay more?

* The ACLU has been accused of violating their members privacy rights in their neverending quest for donor's money. What? Ideal groups turning into mere self-serving money machines is news? This happened to most environmental and human rights groups years ago! When the treehuggers at Greenpeace can bother themselves with Norwegian minke whale hunting and the bleeding heart wussies at Amnesty International can focus on the US turning serial killers to toast, they simply have too much spare time.

Various evil cackling matters

* There is probably a majority in the next Senate in favor of oil drilling in Alaska. Watch out, caribou! Muahahahahaaaaaaaaaa!

* The Kerry campaign: "We underestimated Swiftboat Vets". Duh. Did he really think lying - from the floor of the Senate - about a memory that you claim is seared, seared into you (his ficticious x-mas in Cambodia) would go unnoticed? Guess Senators are so used to lying, they've forgotten it's still frowned upon in polite society. Muahahahahaaaaaaaaaa!

* Murders are down 6% in the first half of 2004. Looks like it's time for me to visit the US again. Don't worry, I'll have those numbers back up within a week. Muahahahahaaaaaaaaaa!

Good news from Iraq

Seems the average Iraqi is both cooler of head and stronger of heart than your average Euro-wuss. A poll taken in and around Baghdad shows that 80% opposed postponing the elections, and 83% expected them to be held as planned. Since the Baghdad area is mainly populated by supposedly disgruntled Sunnis, the numbers should be even better for the country as a whole. The Kurds can't wait to set up their autonomous assembly, and the Shiites are looking forward to attaining the political power their majority status entitles them to. It's a sad day when your average camel trader shows more brains and guts than a former US president (Jimmy-blame-America-first-Carter).

You get what you pay for

Well whaddya know... finally some serious stuff. The Washington Post has a story today about a report claiming that black baby boomers experience the same income gap as their parents and grandparents did versus the white population. Relative college graduation rates have actually worsened since WWI. Naturally, the lefties at the Post fail to inform you of the only logical conclusion. I want you to say this, together with me, and out loud folks:

REWARDING FAILURE DOES NOT WORK.

Simple as that. There is less formal and informal discrimination than ever. Black people are rolemodels in all walks of life these days. Yet, they have failed to improve their lot any more than the population as such. One would expect that the removal of the obstacles facing blacks prior to the civil rights era, would lead them to close at least SOME of the gap, but no. The govt has thrown billions and billions of taxpayers' money at poverty, unemployment, single parenthood, racial relations, etc, etc, failing to grasp one of the simplest rules of life: You get what you pay for. If you pay people to breed, they will. If you pay people not to work, they won't. If you allow people entrance to college without requiring them to do the work others have to to get there, they won't.

Personally, I feel that it's none of my business what people do with their lives so long as I don't have to pay for it. It follows that the government should stay out of people's lives altogether. But IF the government really wanted to help people, they should pay them NOT to have children until they were sufficiently financially secure. They should award them for FINDING jobs. They should support them WHEN they qualify for college through actual intellectual labor. In that way, the subsidies would at least reward success, not failure.

Ghost of Goldwater

A quick word about the name: Senator Barry Goldwater of Arizona was the Republican presidential nominee in 1964. He was a conservative with a strong libertarian bent and not an ounce of political correctness in his body. I don't necessarily agree with him on everything, but his gung-ho approach and proud defense of capitalism and freedom appeals to me. Also, his name tends to provoke the right people (the wrong people, that is). My views can be summarized by something he said in his acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention in '64:

"Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice ... moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue".

Truer words were ne'er spoken. If someone threatens your freedom, or that of others, the moral thing to do is to fight back, not to cave in. Weakness and pacifism will never liberate us from tyranny. Strength and war (or the threat thereof) will.

Let the blogging commence...

*tapping microphone*
Is this thing on? Good.
Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrright... let's get down to business. Who am I, and why this blog, you may ask (in which case you must have way too much spare time).

Well, I'm a chatter and an internet addict who's both opinionated and informed (an increasingly rare combination). I usually read newsstuff for several hours every day, and for most of the time I also find myself shaking my head (producing a rattling sound) and gnashing my teeth at the ways of the world. There are simply too... many... IDIOTS... out... there.... - both making and reporting news. Therefore, dear reader you need someone of superior intellect, knowledge and morality to guide you through the dungheaps of (sub)human affairs. Sadly, no such guidance is available, so you'll have to make do with me.

Watch out for daily rants, excerpts of old travel stories (only slightly more interesting than your neighbor's slide shows) and the occasional informative link (I try to weed them out, but every now and then one is bound to slip through).