In Memoriam (excerpt)
Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more;
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.
Ring out a slowly dying cause,
And ancient forms of party strife;
Ring in the nobler modes of life,
With sweeter manners, purer laws.
Ring out the want, the care, the sin,
The faithless coldness of the times;
Ring out, ring out my mournful rhymes,
But ring the fuller minstrel in.
Ring out false pride in place and blood,
The civic slander and the spite;
Ring in the love of truth and right,
Ring in the common love of good.
Ring out old shapes of foul disease;
Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;
Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring in the thousand years of peace.
- Alfred Tennyson
Sunday, December 31, 2006
A special service to our readers
Friday, December 22, 2006
Thanks a lot, Universe
It's gone and done it to me again.
Given me a cold.
For the third holiday in a row.
I had a cold when I went to the US this summer, came down with one while in Prague in October... and now I've had to cancel my trip to Marseille tomorrow. That's not bad luck, that's a cosmic conspiracy.
I'm sniffling and sneezing and coughing. My joints are aching with fever. Bad, bad universe!
Given me a cold.
For the third holiday in a row.
I had a cold when I went to the US this summer, came down with one while in Prague in October... and now I've had to cancel my trip to Marseille tomorrow. That's not bad luck, that's a cosmic conspiracy.
I'm sniffling and sneezing and coughing. My joints are aching with fever. Bad, bad universe!
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Christmas comes again
Christmas is multiorgasmic this year (and if that image is not enough to ruin the rest of the holidays for you, then I haven't done my job properly).
Not only did I buy the latest semi-autobiography by Bill Bryson today (titled "The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid"), but when I got home I found a huge parcel on my doorstep. I unwrapped the several layers of packaging with greedy, trembling hands to uncover my precious loot: A leatherbound, signed copy of "The Absolute Sandman", Volume 1. It contains the 20 first issues of Sandman and it's absolutely brilliant in every way.
Guess my pupils will have to wait another week to have their papers and tests graded, muahahahaha!
Not only did I buy the latest semi-autobiography by Bill Bryson today (titled "The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid"), but when I got home I found a huge parcel on my doorstep. I unwrapped the several layers of packaging with greedy, trembling hands to uncover my precious loot: A leatherbound, signed copy of "The Absolute Sandman", Volume 1. It contains the 20 first issues of Sandman and it's absolutely brilliant in every way.
Guess my pupils will have to wait another week to have their papers and tests graded, muahahahaha!
Monday, December 11, 2006
Christmas comes early
Those (poor souls) who know me, know that I have a somewhat strained relationship with Christmas and all things related to said holiday. I'm no Christian and I don't share a smidgeon of the ideological basis for the celebrations. And I have nothing but scorn and contempt for the contemporary hoopla surrounding it.
Still, I'm a great believer in pampering myself (don't - for the sake of your own mental health and that of your children please don't - take the expression literally, much less attempt to envision it!), so I went browsing in a bookstore in Oslo today. And lo & behold, what did I find but new books by three of my favorite writers! My grubby, little hands are currently clutching copies of the following: "Fragile Things", a collection of short stories by Neil Gaiman, "Wintersmith", a new Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett and "Blue Shoes and Happiness", the latest installment in the thoroughly enjoyable "No 1 Ladies' Detective Agency" series by Alexander McCall Smith. As if that wasn't enough I also got an illustrated Pratchett book called "The Art of Discworld". Throw in a very cool looking book called "Historical Atlas of the United States", and you can imagine my mental state at this moment. In addition, I simply forgot to buy a new semi-autobiographical book by Bill Bryson that I saw in the shop, so that's also waiting for me down the line. Life is goooood!
Still, I'm a great believer in pampering myself (don't - for the sake of your own mental health and that of your children please don't - take the expression literally, much less attempt to envision it!), so I went browsing in a bookstore in Oslo today. And lo & behold, what did I find but new books by three of my favorite writers! My grubby, little hands are currently clutching copies of the following: "Fragile Things", a collection of short stories by Neil Gaiman, "Wintersmith", a new Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett and "Blue Shoes and Happiness", the latest installment in the thoroughly enjoyable "No 1 Ladies' Detective Agency" series by Alexander McCall Smith. As if that wasn't enough I also got an illustrated Pratchett book called "The Art of Discworld". Throw in a very cool looking book called "Historical Atlas of the United States", and you can imagine my mental state at this moment. In addition, I simply forgot to buy a new semi-autobiographical book by Bill Bryson that I saw in the shop, so that's also waiting for me down the line. Life is goooood!
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Slow colleagues
When a person has failed to read his work email for three days, I think he should be declared legally dead. Just sayin'.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Prague II - Terezin
I was up bright and early at 6:45 the next morning, having decided to spend the day outside of Prague, at the former Nazi camp of Terezin (Theresienstadt in German). After a quick breakfast I took the metro a couple of stations, to the bus station at Florenc. I tried to make sense of the vast amount of schedules posted, but it was all in Czech, so I had to get in line and ask at the info counter. I was directed to the correct ticket office, where I purchased a ticket to Terezin. The bus didn't leave for another good hour or so, so I killed some time with hot chocolate and pastries at a cafe.
Buying tickets in advance turned out to be a good idea, since this meant I actually had a reserved, numbered seat. I watched in amazement as passengers were piled on, long after all the seats had been taken. I cranked the ventilation over my seat to max to quench the overpowering odor of the sweaty, unshaven native next to me and blissfully managed to doze for most of the journey.
The whole town is situated inside a huge fortification. I quickly located the Museum of the Ghetto, which is a very good one (although the introduction film can be skipped). It contains lots of artifacts from the 40s, lots of information about how Jews were treated in the old Czechoslovakia, and about their ultimate fates. Terezin was not an extermination camp in itself, it served mainly as a transit camp before the Jews were sent off to places like Auschwitz and Treblinka. In all, I think about 140.000 people went through there, and most of them never returned - more than 30.000 died in the camp. A cruel twist to the story, is that Terezin was presented to Red Cross inspectors as a "model camp", to show how humanely the Jews were treated.
After the museum proper, I went to a different section, just a short walk down the street. This place was an old army barracks which contained numerous examples of Jewish art, music and literature. As with the first museum, things were well marked in English, but I found this second museum to be too specialized, and quite frankly pretty boring unless one happens to have a special interest in Czech-Jewish culture.
I had planned to go to a small town just north, to see some more sights and lunch at a recommended restaurant. However, I was told that there weren't any late buses back from this town, so I decided to just stay in Terezin. After the usual hearty, meaty Czech lunch, I dragged my bloated self down to the old Fortress. Built as a military installation in the late 18th century, it had served as a prison for most of its existence. It had an interesting exhibition about its military history and the story behind the construction of the fortified city. To my great surprise I also saw the name of Gavrilo Princip listed as a prisoner there. I asked some of the guides, and they not only confirmed he'd been taken there, but also told me he'd died there, but that his body had been taken back to Sarajevo.
The fortress was also used as a prison by the Nazis, and there were still remnants like an "Arbeit Macht Frei" slogan painted on a wall. Outside, there's a big memorial ground, with a cross and a big Star of David, with plaques to commemorate those who died at the prison in the 40s. It's quite an unpleasant feeling to walk around in the narrow, damp cells even today, and it doesn't get any better when you think about what's been going on there.
After taking some pictures of Princip's cell, I went to the museum shop, which seemed surprisingly small. I bought a couple of postcards and a Star of David tie clip (not sure why, I wear ties less than once a year on average). Then I went back to town to wait for the bus back to Prague.
And what a good idea that turned out to be. I hadn't bought any return ticket, hence I had no reserved seat. I was fortunate enough to be early, and smart enough to line up early too. The bus was even fuller than it had been in the morning, and I think I managed to grab the last or second to last seat. Sadly, the cosmic punishment was swift and harsh. I did avoid standing for more than an hour, but the body odor from the two assholes in front of me was so strong that I was forced to sit with my head in the strong draft from the window, and I think this was what caused me to come down with a strong headcold two days later.
Oblivious to my coming predicaments I ended the day with a big ole dinner at the Corso. The English couple from last night had just sat down when I came in, and this time they even invited me to join them. A good time was had all round, I think. Later, at the hotel I had a good time with some old buddies from my stay there in March, including a Welsh bartender and the Israeli guy who's one of the managers there. During the night I was glorified by a bunch of Canadians when I played their national anthem on my computer after they'd beaten some Brits in a hard won match of fussball, but the glory quickly disappeared when I started singing "Blame Canada" two minutes later. Again, good fun was had by all!
Buying tickets in advance turned out to be a good idea, since this meant I actually had a reserved, numbered seat. I watched in amazement as passengers were piled on, long after all the seats had been taken. I cranked the ventilation over my seat to max to quench the overpowering odor of the sweaty, unshaven native next to me and blissfully managed to doze for most of the journey.
The whole town is situated inside a huge fortification. I quickly located the Museum of the Ghetto, which is a very good one (although the introduction film can be skipped). It contains lots of artifacts from the 40s, lots of information about how Jews were treated in the old Czechoslovakia, and about their ultimate fates. Terezin was not an extermination camp in itself, it served mainly as a transit camp before the Jews were sent off to places like Auschwitz and Treblinka. In all, I think about 140.000 people went through there, and most of them never returned - more than 30.000 died in the camp. A cruel twist to the story, is that Terezin was presented to Red Cross inspectors as a "model camp", to show how humanely the Jews were treated.
After the museum proper, I went to a different section, just a short walk down the street. This place was an old army barracks which contained numerous examples of Jewish art, music and literature. As with the first museum, things were well marked in English, but I found this second museum to be too specialized, and quite frankly pretty boring unless one happens to have a special interest in Czech-Jewish culture.
I had planned to go to a small town just north, to see some more sights and lunch at a recommended restaurant. However, I was told that there weren't any late buses back from this town, so I decided to just stay in Terezin. After the usual hearty, meaty Czech lunch, I dragged my bloated self down to the old Fortress. Built as a military installation in the late 18th century, it had served as a prison for most of its existence. It had an interesting exhibition about its military history and the story behind the construction of the fortified city. To my great surprise I also saw the name of Gavrilo Princip listed as a prisoner there. I asked some of the guides, and they not only confirmed he'd been taken there, but also told me he'd died there, but that his body had been taken back to Sarajevo.
The fortress was also used as a prison by the Nazis, and there were still remnants like an "Arbeit Macht Frei" slogan painted on a wall. Outside, there's a big memorial ground, with a cross and a big Star of David, with plaques to commemorate those who died at the prison in the 40s. It's quite an unpleasant feeling to walk around in the narrow, damp cells even today, and it doesn't get any better when you think about what's been going on there.
After taking some pictures of Princip's cell, I went to the museum shop, which seemed surprisingly small. I bought a couple of postcards and a Star of David tie clip (not sure why, I wear ties less than once a year on average). Then I went back to town to wait for the bus back to Prague.
And what a good idea that turned out to be. I hadn't bought any return ticket, hence I had no reserved seat. I was fortunate enough to be early, and smart enough to line up early too. The bus was even fuller than it had been in the morning, and I think I managed to grab the last or second to last seat. Sadly, the cosmic punishment was swift and harsh. I did avoid standing for more than an hour, but the body odor from the two assholes in front of me was so strong that I was forced to sit with my head in the strong draft from the window, and I think this was what caused me to come down with a strong headcold two days later.
Oblivious to my coming predicaments I ended the day with a big ole dinner at the Corso. The English couple from last night had just sat down when I came in, and this time they even invited me to join them. A good time was had all round, I think. Later, at the hotel I had a good time with some old buddies from my stay there in March, including a Welsh bartender and the Israeli guy who's one of the managers there. During the night I was glorified by a bunch of Canadians when I played their national anthem on my computer after they'd beaten some Brits in a hard won match of fussball, but the glory quickly disappeared when I started singing "Blame Canada" two minutes later. Again, good fun was had by all!
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Entering enemy territory
I've recently booked a trip to Marseille, France for Dec 23-28. I prefer to see it as undercover surveillance. Any tips for fun things to do in that region, feel free to leave your advice in the comments. The only sure thing is that I'm going to visit Monaco, to add yet another country to my list.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Prague - A Misanthrope's Diary
As promised, I'm going to serialize my writings from Prague... here's the first installment:
I booked my second trip to Prague just a couple of days after returning from the first one. I got a dirt cheap flight and fairly decent prices at the same hostel where I'd stayed in March, the plain but cheap & clean A&O Hostel. I press-ganged my brother into driving me to the airport, even though he still had the mother of all hangovers – after all, what is family for, if not to be exploited shamelessly?
The security check at the Oslo airport was snail-paced as usual. Little old ladies had to leave metal crutches and take off their shoes, and for some reason several people seemed unable to read the numerous signs written in large letters that implored them to take their effin' laptops out of their bags before sending them through the X-ray machines. Most people really do have the IQ of bricks, and nowhere does this become clearer than in airports.
In the departure hall I'd already suffered silently through the loud, incessant nagging of a bunch of 30-something women standing in my line. As is usually my luck, they were not only on the same plane, but also chose to place themselves pretty much all around me, except for the row directly behind me, which was occupied by three equally loud guys in their 50s. I swear... if they ever introduce IQ testing for passengers, 90% of the carriers will go bankrupt.
At the Prague airport I went straight to the ticket counter and bought a 7-day public transportation card, then quickly made my way through the throngs of passengers gawping at signs and wondering how to get into town (don't they do any research before flying to a foreign country???). I navigated my way past the taxi drivers and set course for the bus platforms and the local bus to the nearest metro station. The pleasure at saving the 650 koruna ($30-35) ride into town slightly outweighed the hassle of switching metro lines and putting up with the usual mix of heavy perfume and stale sweat that seems to be the prefered body odor of Eastern Europeans when on public transportation. Well, most settle for just stale sweat.
The single room at the hostel was tiny and irregularly shaped, and there were no toiletries. I ventured out to get some provisions and at least managed to get several laughs out of the non-English speaking Asians who ran the local grocery shop when I tried to demonstrate that I was looking for shampoo and shower gel. Luckily for us all I didn't need to demonstrate my need for toilet paper...
Back in my room I tried to find a wireless internet connection I could hook up to and steal some bandwidth from. My computer stubbornly claimed I was connected to an unsecured network and that the signal was strong, but I couldn't access any websites.
Down in the basement bar I met T., who I'd talked to when I was there in March. Back then he was a guest, but now he was bartending. He vaguely recognized my face, but it took a little while before he could place me. Surprisingly to those of you who know me, he even seemed pleased to see me again. I enquired about some of the other employees and regulars I'd met and was assured they were still around. We chatted a bit about local attractions, the wonderfully low prices of the town and football (T.'s English). I then sat down with my trusty Lonely Planet guide and my laptop to draw up a rough outline of the coming week.
The day was finished with a three-course dinner at the Restaurant Corso, which is less than 10 minutes from the hostel. When I'd last been there they'd had a humongous fish swimming around in a relatively small tank, looking extremely bored. Now the tank was empty. I asked the waiter what had happened to the fish and drew a hand across my throat with a questioning look. He grinned and said that the fish had been taken to a "fish shop", where it had a much bigger tank to swim in. "Is much better for fish", he said. His English wasn't that good, so I don't know if he really meant to say fish shop – in which case I guess the fish was on the marine equivalent of death row – or if he meant an aquarium. Or maybe the fish had croaked, and this was just his way of telling me that it had been "sent to live on a farm in the country".
The only other guests were an English couple, and we got to talking a bit. They told me they were retired, although they looked to be only in their late 50s or early 60s. They were now spending their times traveling the world (the husband had been to 89 countries!) and were shortly off to Australia for more than three months. Like most of their countrymen they were excellent company, although,like most of their countrymen they shared a slightly snotty attitude towards the good ole US of A. My American accent was commented upon, and they even asked me how long I'd lived in the States. I used my standard line about being raised on country music, but informed them that I was perfectly capable of speaking the Queen's English as well. After a pleasant meal we went our respective ways and I tucked in at the respectable time of 11PM.
I booked my second trip to Prague just a couple of days after returning from the first one. I got a dirt cheap flight and fairly decent prices at the same hostel where I'd stayed in March, the plain but cheap & clean A&O Hostel. I press-ganged my brother into driving me to the airport, even though he still had the mother of all hangovers – after all, what is family for, if not to be exploited shamelessly?
The security check at the Oslo airport was snail-paced as usual. Little old ladies had to leave metal crutches and take off their shoes, and for some reason several people seemed unable to read the numerous signs written in large letters that implored them to take their effin' laptops out of their bags before sending them through the X-ray machines. Most people really do have the IQ of bricks, and nowhere does this become clearer than in airports.
In the departure hall I'd already suffered silently through the loud, incessant nagging of a bunch of 30-something women standing in my line. As is usually my luck, they were not only on the same plane, but also chose to place themselves pretty much all around me, except for the row directly behind me, which was occupied by three equally loud guys in their 50s. I swear... if they ever introduce IQ testing for passengers, 90% of the carriers will go bankrupt.
At the Prague airport I went straight to the ticket counter and bought a 7-day public transportation card, then quickly made my way through the throngs of passengers gawping at signs and wondering how to get into town (don't they do any research before flying to a foreign country???). I navigated my way past the taxi drivers and set course for the bus platforms and the local bus to the nearest metro station. The pleasure at saving the 650 koruna ($30-35) ride into town slightly outweighed the hassle of switching metro lines and putting up with the usual mix of heavy perfume and stale sweat that seems to be the prefered body odor of Eastern Europeans when on public transportation. Well, most settle for just stale sweat.
The single room at the hostel was tiny and irregularly shaped, and there were no toiletries. I ventured out to get some provisions and at least managed to get several laughs out of the non-English speaking Asians who ran the local grocery shop when I tried to demonstrate that I was looking for shampoo and shower gel. Luckily for us all I didn't need to demonstrate my need for toilet paper...
Back in my room I tried to find a wireless internet connection I could hook up to and steal some bandwidth from. My computer stubbornly claimed I was connected to an unsecured network and that the signal was strong, but I couldn't access any websites.
Down in the basement bar I met T., who I'd talked to when I was there in March. Back then he was a guest, but now he was bartending. He vaguely recognized my face, but it took a little while before he could place me. Surprisingly to those of you who know me, he even seemed pleased to see me again. I enquired about some of the other employees and regulars I'd met and was assured they were still around. We chatted a bit about local attractions, the wonderfully low prices of the town and football (T.'s English). I then sat down with my trusty Lonely Planet guide and my laptop to draw up a rough outline of the coming week.
The day was finished with a three-course dinner at the Restaurant Corso, which is less than 10 minutes from the hostel. When I'd last been there they'd had a humongous fish swimming around in a relatively small tank, looking extremely bored. Now the tank was empty. I asked the waiter what had happened to the fish and drew a hand across my throat with a questioning look. He grinned and said that the fish had been taken to a "fish shop", where it had a much bigger tank to swim in. "Is much better for fish", he said. His English wasn't that good, so I don't know if he really meant to say fish shop – in which case I guess the fish was on the marine equivalent of death row – or if he meant an aquarium. Or maybe the fish had croaked, and this was just his way of telling me that it had been "sent to live on a farm in the country".
The only other guests were an English couple, and we got to talking a bit. They told me they were retired, although they looked to be only in their late 50s or early 60s. They were now spending their times traveling the world (the husband had been to 89 countries!) and were shortly off to Australia for more than three months. Like most of their countrymen they were excellent company, although,like most of their countrymen they shared a slightly snotty attitude towards the good ole US of A. My American accent was commented upon, and they even asked me how long I'd lived in the States. I used my standard line about being raised on country music, but informed them that I was perfectly capable of speaking the Queen's English as well. After a pleasant meal we went our respective ways and I tucked in at the respectable time of 11PM.
Friday, October 6, 2006
The best things in life are free
Crazy night yesterday. Blondes dancing on the bar, people dancing naked around the football game table, my digital camera temporarily stolen, bartenders fistfighting each other, management called in at 5:30 am. I'll make a longer, more detailed post when I get back - suffice it to say that tonight I'm eating some very delicious, very free, sandwiches courtesy of the owners, and drinking orange juice on the house all night.
Tuesday, October 3, 2006
The Cosmic Conspiracy strikes again
Woke up this morning with a very sore throat. Made a quick trip to the National museum, but then went back and slept through the afternoon. My throat is still sore and I fear a cold is coming on. Fuck-fuckety-FUCK!
Sunday, October 1, 2006
Report from Prague
Spent Friday getting re-acquainted with the area around the hotel and with the employees in the hotel bar. Had dinner at a good restaurant and got talking to a nice elderly English couple. The guy'd been to 89 countries, beating me by 53 (I've been to 36 for you numerically challenged out there).
Went out to the former Nazi transit camp of Terezin Saturday. Very good, very interesting museums with tons of info in four languages. Even saw the prison cell where they held Gavrilio Princip, the guy who started WW1 by killing the Austrian Crown Prince & missus. In the evening I had dinner at the same place, and this time was even invited to share a table with the English. My social skills must be better than I had thought...
Today it's been raining for most of the day, and my feet are sore from walking on cobblestones, so I've stayed indoors, reading.
Question to ponder: Why the fuck don't east Europeans BATHE regularly? The stench on the bus out to Terezin was 'orrible!
Went out to the former Nazi transit camp of Terezin Saturday. Very good, very interesting museums with tons of info in four languages. Even saw the prison cell where they held Gavrilio Princip, the guy who started WW1 by killing the Austrian Crown Prince & missus. In the evening I had dinner at the same place, and this time was even invited to share a table with the English. My social skills must be better than I had thought...
Today it's been raining for most of the day, and my feet are sore from walking on cobblestones, so I've stayed indoors, reading.
Question to ponder: Why the fuck don't east Europeans BATHE regularly? The stench on the bus out to Terezin was 'orrible!
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Tata, fans
I'll be in Prague Friday 9/29 - Saturday 10/7 and ya'll won't. Sucks to be ya'll, eh?
*muahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa*
*muahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa*
Monday, September 25, 2006
My fridge is possessed
Lately, my fridge has developed an eerie, sniggering sound. I can sit peacefully at the kitchen table, and suddenly the fucker will erupt in a low, snide chuckle. It may just be the creaking of old age, or it may be that it has been possessed by a throckmorton. Either way, it's bloody annoying.
Friday, September 22, 2006
The peculiarities of the English language
Actual cnn.com headline today: "Lou Diamond Phillips charged with battery". I wonder what part(s) of his body they attached the cables to?
Wednesday, September 6, 2006
Just wondering...
Am I the only one to breathe a sigh of relief to know that there will be no more programs with that hysterical, irresponsible dimwit Steve Irwin? Am I the only one to promptly change the channel every time his stupid grin, hectic voice and horrible hairdo grace the screen?
Now, if we could only get Richard Simmons to take scuba classes...
Now, if we could only get Richard Simmons to take scuba classes...
Annoyingly good
To the long list of good things about myself I can now add good eyesight - or as the optician said Tuesday: "People with eyesight like yours annoy me".
Sunday, August 27, 2006
My heart's desire
I am holding in my grubby, clammy, greedy little hands one copy of Neil Gaiman's "Stardust", lavishly illustrated by Charles Vess. It's in a soft cover comic book shape, but as an illustrated novel, not in comic strip format.
Did I mention it's signed by The Master himself?
And next year, the movie is due... woo hoooooooooo!
Did I mention it's signed by The Master himself?
And next year, the movie is due... woo hoooooooooo!
Friday, August 11, 2006
The end is near
My eyes! My eyes! It burns, take it awaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy!
(And if THIS isn't the scariest thing you've ever seen, you've got my sympathy; your life must have been hell.)
(And if THIS isn't the scariest thing you've ever seen, you've got my sympathy; your life must have been hell.)
Sunday, August 6, 2006
I'm Lost And I Can't Find My Way Home
"So", I hear you say - for I frequently hear voices - "what have you been doing since you came back from the US?"
"Well", I'll reply - for I don't wish to appear rude, not even to invisible voices - (come to think of it... particularly not to them!) "Mostly, I've been vegetating in front of the computer or the TV."
"Watched anything interesting?", you may or may not ask me.
"Yes", I'll reply, regardless. "There is this series called "Lost", I bought the first season on DVD and watched the first 25 episodes in just two nights. Not that I'm obsessed or anything."
At this point you will either join me in an anal-retentive discussion of the show (being a fan) or back away slowly (being one of The Others). Either way, pay no attention to the machete in my right hand.
"Well", I'll reply - for I don't wish to appear rude, not even to invisible voices - (come to think of it... particularly not to them!) "Mostly, I've been vegetating in front of the computer or the TV."
"Watched anything interesting?", you may or may not ask me.
"Yes", I'll reply, regardless. "There is this series called "Lost", I bought the first season on DVD and watched the first 25 episodes in just two nights. Not that I'm obsessed or anything."
At this point you will either join me in an anal-retentive discussion of the show (being a fan) or back away slowly (being one of The Others). Either way, pay no attention to the machete in my right hand.
Saturday, August 5, 2006
Sorry to disappoint you - I'm still alive
Ok, fans... I know I've been tardy with my blogging lately... the heat's been frying my already weak brain, my sleep pattern is completely fucked after the US trip and in my waking hours I've generally been vegetating in front of some screen or other for the past 5-6 weeks.
Anyways... quick summary of my trip:
Spent over two weeks on the other side of the pond, had a good time. Started with a quick trip up north, saw three new states (Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont), making for a grand total of 43 states visited. I stayed overnight in Maine, in a small town called Norway. I was curious about the name of course, but it turns out the whole area is packed with European placenames, so there's nothing to suggest any actual connection to the old country. The town was incorporated with its present name back in the late 1700s, way before the first Norwegian immigration and it is surrounded by other small towns with names like Denmark, Sweden, Paris, Poland, Moscow, Oxford etc, so Norway is just a coincidence. Its main claim to fame is that it is the birthplace of Hannibal Hamlin, Lincoln's vice president 1861-65 (actually, Hamlin was born right next door, in the tiny hamlet of South Paris...). Lincoln unceremoniously dumped Hamlin in the '64 election to make space on the ticket for the loyal southern senator Andrew Johnson.
After New England I drove down to Virginia to spend a couple of days touring the historical sites of Jamestown and Yorktown. Jamestown was the first permanent British settlement in America, started in 1607. They have a reconstructed outdoors site, with huts and ships and such that's really only so-so, but the museum on the 2nd floor of the visitor center is one of the best and most informative I've ever been to. Lots of good stuff that really puts the colonization into historical context and explains the conditions in Britain at the time. Highly recommended!
Yorktown was the last major battleplace of the American Revolution, and I didn't explore it too thoroughly. I drove by the battlefield and snapped a pic, then spent an hour walking around the visitor centre, which is a couple of minutes' drive away. The centre is informative and also worth a visit.
Next, I drove down to see friends in Winston-Salem, NC. I also got in a trip to the Reynolda House, once home of one of the great tobacco families and now a museum, with a very good collection of American art. It's well worth a visit, if only to see how the rich and famous lived, but if you're more interested in art than me, you'll enjoy the other aspects of it too. Ok, I'm not a complete barbarian, I quite liked some of the stuff there, they had several huge landscape paintings from the old masters of the 19th century, great pioner and western wilderness theme things, for which I am always a sucker.
After Winston Salem I drove down to see a friend in Birmingham, Alabama. That stay included a trip to the State Aquarium in Chattanooga, Tennessee. Great if you're into that sort of thing, personally I was a bit disappointed by the lack of maneating sharks. Don't miss the IMAX, though! I saw a very good film from some South African national parks, and I'm sure the other movies were good too.
I then spent an uneventful weekend in Atlanta before slowly making my way up the various interstates back to Newark, from which I flew home. I'll be posting some more stories from various places in the coming days, if/when the inspiration comes over me.
Anyways... quick summary of my trip:
Spent over two weeks on the other side of the pond, had a good time. Started with a quick trip up north, saw three new states (Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont), making for a grand total of 43 states visited. I stayed overnight in Maine, in a small town called Norway. I was curious about the name of course, but it turns out the whole area is packed with European placenames, so there's nothing to suggest any actual connection to the old country. The town was incorporated with its present name back in the late 1700s, way before the first Norwegian immigration and it is surrounded by other small towns with names like Denmark, Sweden, Paris, Poland, Moscow, Oxford etc, so Norway is just a coincidence. Its main claim to fame is that it is the birthplace of Hannibal Hamlin, Lincoln's vice president 1861-65 (actually, Hamlin was born right next door, in the tiny hamlet of South Paris...). Lincoln unceremoniously dumped Hamlin in the '64 election to make space on the ticket for the loyal southern senator Andrew Johnson.
After New England I drove down to Virginia to spend a couple of days touring the historical sites of Jamestown and Yorktown. Jamestown was the first permanent British settlement in America, started in 1607. They have a reconstructed outdoors site, with huts and ships and such that's really only so-so, but the museum on the 2nd floor of the visitor center is one of the best and most informative I've ever been to. Lots of good stuff that really puts the colonization into historical context and explains the conditions in Britain at the time. Highly recommended!
Yorktown was the last major battleplace of the American Revolution, and I didn't explore it too thoroughly. I drove by the battlefield and snapped a pic, then spent an hour walking around the visitor centre, which is a couple of minutes' drive away. The centre is informative and also worth a visit.
Next, I drove down to see friends in Winston-Salem, NC. I also got in a trip to the Reynolda House, once home of one of the great tobacco families and now a museum, with a very good collection of American art. It's well worth a visit, if only to see how the rich and famous lived, but if you're more interested in art than me, you'll enjoy the other aspects of it too. Ok, I'm not a complete barbarian, I quite liked some of the stuff there, they had several huge landscape paintings from the old masters of the 19th century, great pioner and western wilderness theme things, for which I am always a sucker.
After Winston Salem I drove down to see a friend in Birmingham, Alabama. That stay included a trip to the State Aquarium in Chattanooga, Tennessee. Great if you're into that sort of thing, personally I was a bit disappointed by the lack of maneating sharks. Don't miss the IMAX, though! I saw a very good film from some South African national parks, and I'm sure the other movies were good too.
I then spent an uneventful weekend in Atlanta before slowly making my way up the various interstates back to Newark, from which I flew home. I'll be posting some more stories from various places in the coming days, if/when the inspiration comes over me.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
I'll do my coughing in the rain
As if any more proof was needed that the Universe is conspiring against me, I've now come down with a cold - two days before leaving for the US. And according to weather forecasts, the whole of the eastern seaboard is pretty much set to drown in rain the first 3-4 days of my stay. Fuck-fuckety-FUCK!
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Going home
Yup, I'm finally crossing the pond again. It's been over four years since I was overseas last, and I've really, really missed traveling in the US. So when I found a roundtrip deal with KLM for less than $600, I couldn't pass up the opportunity. I'm flying in to Newark Sunday 6/25 and flying out again Thursday 7/13. I'll probably drive up to New England the first few days, then I'm going down south for the last two weeks or so. If it's anything like the other times I've been over there, it'll be like coming home, I luvvvvv the place.
Suggested captions
Other suggestions welcome in the comments section...
"Is that an Arab flying that plane heading towards us?"
"Oh, I so love public hangings!"
"Harry! Remove that swastika from your uniform!"
"You're right, peasants DO bounce when dropped from 200 feet!"
"Well, we DID warn Charles about flapping his ears in the wind..."
"Is that an Arab flying that plane heading towards us?"
"Oh, I so love public hangings!"
"Harry! Remove that swastika from your uniform!"
"You're right, peasants DO bounce when dropped from 200 feet!"
"Well, we DID warn Charles about flapping his ears in the wind..."
Random giggles
Some stories I found worthy of comment, or at least passing on to you, "The Internet As A Whole", as Bucky would say:
A hands-on approach:
A Philadelphia man is recovering from an attack, allegedly at the hands of his wife. The assault on his private parts has become public knowledge. In an interview with Action News after his release from, the 52-year-old victim spoke of his terrifying ordeal [In a falsetto voice, no doubt - Ed.]. The 52-year-old Tioga-Nicetown man, who we are identifying only by his first name of Howard, arrived home late Wednesday, hours after his wife allegedly tore off two parts of his genitalia with her bare hands.
You're all sluts:
Erotic images elicit faster and stronger electrical responses in a woman's brain than do images of any other sort ... Previous research indicated men are more aroused by erotic images than women are, so Anokhin and his colleagues expected women to respond with lower levels of brain activity compared to men. [In general, that would be a safe assumption, yes.]
And no, this is NOT me.
A hands-on approach:
A Philadelphia man is recovering from an attack, allegedly at the hands of his wife. The assault on his private parts has become public knowledge. In an interview with Action News after his release from, the 52-year-old victim spoke of his terrifying ordeal [In a falsetto voice, no doubt - Ed.]. The 52-year-old Tioga-Nicetown man, who we are identifying only by his first name of Howard, arrived home late Wednesday, hours after his wife allegedly tore off two parts of his genitalia with her bare hands.
You're all sluts:
Erotic images elicit faster and stronger electrical responses in a woman's brain than do images of any other sort ... Previous research indicated men are more aroused by erotic images than women are, so Anokhin and his colleagues expected women to respond with lower levels of brain activity compared to men. [In general, that would be a safe assumption, yes.]
And no, this is NOT me.
Why people go postal
My wreck of a car died on me last Friday, and it's been in for repair for a week. So yesterday I went to pick it up, to the tune of NOK 3800 (appx $600). I had gone less than five minutes when the fucker started sputtering like a liberal faced with facts and shaking like Elvis with a ferret in his pants.
I promptly turned back to the garage, where a snottyfaced youngster claimed everything should be in order, 'cause he'd checked it himself the day before. Grudgingly he came with me on a test drive, and to my great pleasure the car almost died on him as soon as we started going uphill. He was quite apologetic when we got back. You'd think even in this shitty country, you'd get something for $600, even at a garage?
I promptly turned back to the garage, where a snottyfaced youngster claimed everything should be in order, 'cause he'd checked it himself the day before. Grudgingly he came with me on a test drive, and to my great pleasure the car almost died on him as soon as we started going uphill. He was quite apologetic when we got back. You'd think even in this shitty country, you'd get something for $600, even at a garage?
Thursday, June 8, 2006
The passport of the beast
For those of you still not convinced... I got my spankin' new machine-readable passport this week. Date of issuance, proudly displayed in the document? 6-6-06.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Random happy news
* A former US Marine fought back against four fuckers who tried to rob him. One ended up dead, one is in critical condition. Too bad the last two are probably still alive and well.
* A woman in Alabama was hit by lightning while praying. *snicker*
* There's talk of a "Die Hard" #4, and if it's even half as violent & entertaining as the first three, it'll be goooood.
And last, but not least:
* Jennifer Aniston is appearing nekkid in her new movie.
* A woman in Alabama was hit by lightning while praying. *snicker*
* There's talk of a "Die Hard" #4, and if it's even half as violent & entertaining as the first three, it'll be goooood.
And last, but not least:
* Jennifer Aniston is appearing nekkid in her new movie.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Monday, May 22, 2006
It's Madonna day today!
Yet another quiz!
The person in this picture is:
a) Clearly ready for a padded cell
b) Clearly ready for retirement
c) An icon for millions of young, impressionable people all over the world
d) All of the above
The person in this picture is:
a) Clearly ready for a padded cell
b) Clearly ready for retirement
c) An icon for millions of young, impressionable people all over the world
d) All of the above
Photo Quiz time!
Task 1: The person in this picture...
a) Is wearing her panties on the outside
b) Generally displays a public behavior that would make a seasoned whore blush
c) Is more than old enough to know better
d) All of the above
Task 2: The people in this picture from a PETA demonstration against the use of bear fur for military hats...
a) Are protesting the very serious matter of the killing of bears in one of the least serious manners known to man
b) Are probably hairy enough to provide material for said fur hats themselves
c) Are probably ugly enough that their publicity stunt falls well within internationally accepted definitions of terrorism
d) All of the above
a) Is wearing her panties on the outside
b) Generally displays a public behavior that would make a seasoned whore blush
c) Is more than old enough to know better
d) All of the above
Task 2: The people in this picture from a PETA demonstration against the use of bear fur for military hats...
a) Are protesting the very serious matter of the killing of bears in one of the least serious manners known to man
b) Are probably hairy enough to provide material for said fur hats themselves
c) Are probably ugly enough that their publicity stunt falls well within internationally accepted definitions of terrorism
d) All of the above
Friday, May 12, 2006
Monday, May 8, 2006
Everybody must get stoned
Allow this poor Norwegian, who's had to live with his smug, holier-than-thou mug regularly shown on national TV for years, to snicker, nay GLOAT over the attempted stoning of UN Under-Secretary-General for Humanitarian Affairs, Jan Egeland, in Darfur today.
Considering how little actual good the UN has been able to do in Darfur, how despicable the French and Chinese obstruction in the Security Council has been (coincidentally, both countries have oil interests in Sudan and China is providing Sudan with military choppers), and how much harm UN peacekeepers seem to inflict on African countries whenever they're deployed, it's no wonder they chased the bastard away.
Oh, and while on the subject of the UN - how much more attention do you think this story from Liberia would be getting if it was US, and not UN troops doing the child raping?
Considering how little actual good the UN has been able to do in Darfur, how despicable the French and Chinese obstruction in the Security Council has been (coincidentally, both countries have oil interests in Sudan and China is providing Sudan with military choppers), and how much harm UN peacekeepers seem to inflict on African countries whenever they're deployed, it's no wonder they chased the bastard away.
Oh, and while on the subject of the UN - how much more attention do you think this story from Liberia would be getting if it was US, and not UN troops doing the child raping?
Wednesday, May 3, 2006
Lost
As if we needed more proof, here comes yet another test demonstrating that Americas young 'uns have, on average, the IQ of dirt. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present the following evidence:
* "...nearly two-thirds of Americans aged 18 to 24 still cannot find Iraq on a map..."
* "...less than six months after Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans and the Gulf Coast, 33 percent could not point out Louisiana on a U.S. map..."
* "...88 percent of those questioned could not find Afghanistan on a map of Asia..."
* "...63 percent could not find Iraq or Saudi Arabia on a map, and 75 percent could not point out Iran or Israel. Forty-four percent couldn't find any one of those four countries..." (emphasis added)
* "...Inside the United States, "half or fewer of young men and women 18-24 can identify the states of New York or Ohio on a map..."
* "...Forty-five percent said China's population is only twice that of the United States..."
I rest my case.
* "...nearly two-thirds of Americans aged 18 to 24 still cannot find Iraq on a map..."
* "...less than six months after Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans and the Gulf Coast, 33 percent could not point out Louisiana on a U.S. map..."
* "...88 percent of those questioned could not find Afghanistan on a map of Asia..."
* "...63 percent could not find Iraq or Saudi Arabia on a map, and 75 percent could not point out Iran or Israel. Forty-four percent couldn't find any one of those four countries..." (emphasis added)
* "...Inside the United States, "half or fewer of young men and women 18-24 can identify the states of New York or Ohio on a map..."
* "...Forty-five percent said China's population is only twice that of the United States..."
I rest my case.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Mysterious ways
My interest was aroused by this commercial... no, not like that, you pigs... I'm wondering about the "Angels secret embrace" line - does this mean angels are in the habit of sneaking up on women & cup their breasts? I'm no theologian at the best, nor worst of times, but this was news to me...
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Random observations on an article
I saw a column today at CNN, about how to "Cut your car insurance costs". There were five strategies mentioned, but the article conspiciously failed to mention the most obvious one: Stop driving like an asshole.
What really caught my eye, however, was this picture of the columnist, Gerri Willis. What the fuck is up with her face? Look closely - that chin and those cheekbones can't possibly be human! She's either an alien or the hitherto unknown twin sister of Batman's Joker.
What really caught my eye, however, was this picture of the columnist, Gerri Willis. What the fuck is up with her face? Look closely - that chin and those cheekbones can't possibly be human! She's either an alien or the hitherto unknown twin sister of Batman's Joker.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Chocolate City
So, Nagin seems to have won the 1st round in New Orleans... I attribute this to my campaign aid of course.
I'm not sure what the mayor is doing in this picture, taken after last night's victory... maybe he's describing the size of his "chocolate" bar? The woman behind him sure seems to be having some thoughts on the subject.
I'm not sure what the mayor is doing in this picture, taken after last night's victory... maybe he's describing the size of his "chocolate" bar? The woman behind him sure seems to be having some thoughts on the subject.
Coming out
I don't remember where I found this picture, nor when. But it sure looks like Dubbya's doning a giant dress, doesn't it?
Change your flag!
Now, I couldn't really give a damn about the current uprisings in Nepal, we sorta lost interest in feudalism over here several centuries ago. Reactionary monarchs or revolutionary maoists are just the same shit in different wrapping. But this photo of the Nepalese king caught my eye. Look at the pattern in the background - wouldn't that make a really cool flag for Israel??? Maybe it should come with a sound effect - like the sound of a Star Wars light sabre or something?
Friday, April 21, 2006
Truth in advertizing
New Orleans is conducting the first round of its mayoral elections Saturday, and polls show incumbent Ray Nagin to be one of two candidates to reach the run-off. To me it's quite infathomable that a man who has shown himself to be so hopelessly incompetent and so openly racist could run successfully for dog catcher, but there you are. Anyways, keeping fresh in mind Mayor Nagin's "chocolate city" remark, and the need for truth in advertizing, I thought I'd give him a hand with his campaigning:
Yet another contest
This picture shows:
a) Bush showing the Chinese president his own version of the Vulcan death grip
b) Bush checking to see if that's really an Armani suit or just a cheap, Chinese fake
c) Bush two seconds away from starting a nuclear war with China
d) All of the above
a) Bush showing the Chinese president his own version of the Vulcan death grip
b) Bush checking to see if that's really an Armani suit or just a cheap, Chinese fake
c) Bush two seconds away from starting a nuclear war with China
d) All of the above
Another contest
This picture shows:
a) A definite rebuttal of the "blood-for-oil" theory
b) A gas price which is still only half that of many European countries
c) Why we should turn Alaskan caribou into fuel NOW
d) All of the above
a) A definite rebuttal of the "blood-for-oil" theory
b) A gas price which is still only half that of many European countries
c) Why we should turn Alaskan caribou into fuel NOW
d) All of the above
Eat the rich
NY Times: "The New York City Housing Authority announced yesterday that it wants to raise the rents paid by tens of thousands of its better-off tenants."
Now, I'm not going to enter the discussion about whether the rent should, in fact, be increased. But THIS picture and the following text caught my blodshot little eyes:
"Members of Community Voices Heard, who are residents of public housing, protested higher fees Thursday near City Hall. "
Now anyone with the means to grow that fat has the means to pay her own goddamn rent! Gimme back my tax money, biatch, or I'll bust a cap in yo' ass!
Now, I'm not going to enter the discussion about whether the rent should, in fact, be increased. But THIS picture and the following text caught my blodshot little eyes:
"Members of Community Voices Heard, who are residents of public housing, protested higher fees Thursday near City Hall. "
Now anyone with the means to grow that fat has the means to pay her own goddamn rent! Gimme back my tax money, biatch, or I'll bust a cap in yo' ass!
Ambivalence
Two stories caught my eye today that made me feel slightly ambivalent about the possible outcomes (no, I'm not always in a state of raging, arrogant certainty).
First story: The French are retreating again. After retreating from Germans, Arabs and their own students for years, this time they're retreating from their own smokers. Fear of electoral reprisals has caused the government to postpone a new law banning smoking indoors. Other examples of legislative backpedalling is given in the linked article. Now, I'm all in favor of eternally postponing laws that violate private property rights, and a ban on smoking (however much I hate that disgusting habit) is a gross violation of such rights... but on the other hand, I'd sure like to see the French government actually stand up for something, other than farm subsidies and the right not to bathe frequently.
Second story: The FDA has released a statement dismissing claims that marihuana has any discernible health benefits. Now on the one hand, I tend to think the FDA is most likely correct about this. Almost every "herbal" medication in use has no scientifically proven merit whatsoever, beyond the occasional placebo effect. In medicine, "alternative" tends to be the politically correct term for "bullshit". On the other hand, I am all in favor of legalizing marihuana, and regardless of actual medical effects I think any sane adult has a fundamental right to decide for themselves what substances they wish to inhale, inject or eat. If the medical usefulness argument is disproven, civil libertarians will lose a tactically successful angle with which to introduce legalization.
First story: The French are retreating again. After retreating from Germans, Arabs and their own students for years, this time they're retreating from their own smokers. Fear of electoral reprisals has caused the government to postpone a new law banning smoking indoors. Other examples of legislative backpedalling is given in the linked article. Now, I'm all in favor of eternally postponing laws that violate private property rights, and a ban on smoking (however much I hate that disgusting habit) is a gross violation of such rights... but on the other hand, I'd sure like to see the French government actually stand up for something, other than farm subsidies and the right not to bathe frequently.
Second story: The FDA has released a statement dismissing claims that marihuana has any discernible health benefits. Now on the one hand, I tend to think the FDA is most likely correct about this. Almost every "herbal" medication in use has no scientifically proven merit whatsoever, beyond the occasional placebo effect. In medicine, "alternative" tends to be the politically correct term for "bullshit". On the other hand, I am all in favor of legalizing marihuana, and regardless of actual medical effects I think any sane adult has a fundamental right to decide for themselves what substances they wish to inhale, inject or eat. If the medical usefulness argument is disproven, civil libertarians will lose a tactically successful angle with which to introduce legalization.
Some immature personal harassment
According to this article, former Secretary of State, Madeleine Albright, claims she's able to "leg-press up to 400 pounds".
Uhm... I don't think carrying your own weight and a small hand bag qualifies as "leg-press", Madame Secretary.
*******************************
Contest: The person in the picture below looks
a) Retarded
b) Drunk
c) Suspiciously like Cherie Blair, wife of the British Prime Minister
d) All of the above
Uhm... I don't think carrying your own weight and a small hand bag qualifies as "leg-press", Madame Secretary.
*******************************
Contest: The person in the picture below looks
a) Retarded
b) Drunk
c) Suspiciously like Cherie Blair, wife of the British Prime Minister
d) All of the above
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Monday, March 13, 2006
Back from hell
Ok, finally back from Krautland... I managed to survive the second day at Cebit by alternating between my "Inspector Rebus" novel and blasting Johnny Cash on my cd-player. Still, it was a close call. To calm my nerves I went on a shopping spree several times, I bought in excess of 40 DVDs during the trip. And if a certain someone doesn't play nice, she'll be getting a collection of Klaus Kinski films...
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Holiday in hell
In a weak moment, I said yes to accompanying a class down to the CEBIT expo in Hannover, Germany. I don't know shit about computers, and I hate all the goddamn gadgets, thingamajigs and "neat" hi tech stuff that seems to be replacing actual brain use these days.
Anyway, it's a geek's paradise down here, and I'm bored out of my tiny, little mind. We arrived at the fair area around ten, and by noon I'd already lost all will to live. By 1PM, I could feel my brain trying to crawl out of my ears to escape, and if it wasn't for the considerable mass of ear wax I'd managed to build up listening to inane teenager chat all the way down here, it would have succeeded.
I finally managed to make it here, to the internet lounge, where I'm going to hunker down until it's time to drive back to the hotel. The prices for online access are outrageous, nay exorbitant - 12 Euro ($15) for one hour - but the alternative is worse than death... if not actual death. I'm going to chain myself to a computer and curl up in fetal position if they try to remove me. If you wish to see a grown man cry, this is the right place to be... bwwwaaaaah!
Anyway, it's a geek's paradise down here, and I'm bored out of my tiny, little mind. We arrived at the fair area around ten, and by noon I'd already lost all will to live. By 1PM, I could feel my brain trying to crawl out of my ears to escape, and if it wasn't for the considerable mass of ear wax I'd managed to build up listening to inane teenager chat all the way down here, it would have succeeded.
I finally managed to make it here, to the internet lounge, where I'm going to hunker down until it's time to drive back to the hotel. The prices for online access are outrageous, nay exorbitant - 12 Euro ($15) for one hour - but the alternative is worse than death... if not actual death. I'm going to chain myself to a computer and curl up in fetal position if they try to remove me. If you wish to see a grown man cry, this is the right place to be... bwwwaaaaah!
Sunday, March 5, 2006
Cruel and unusual music
Who knew they sold weapons of mass destruction on the streets of Prague? Browsing through record shops or just walking along the streets, I came across recordings of music so vile, so cruel, so utterly without redeeming features, I had no choice but to buy one.
Nothing says "I hate you" like the gift of a CD with Smokie tunes played on pan flute. And I know just the right recipient for it... muahahahahahaaaaaaa! I also contemplated buying a CD with street organ music, but that would have involved me actually approaching said instrument of torture (playing full blast!), so I settled for Smokie instead.
Nothing says "I hate you" like the gift of a CD with Smokie tunes played on pan flute. And I know just the right recipient for it... muahahahahahaaaaaaa! I also contemplated buying a CD with street organ music, but that would have involved me actually approaching said instrument of torture (playing full blast!), so I settled for Smokie instead.
Saturday, March 4, 2006
What's Arabic for "Brokeback Mountain"?
I saw this pic of Osama and his right hand man (any and all seedy double meaning intended) Ayman al-Zawahri today, and my immediate thought was that it looked like a scene from an Arabic version of Brokeback Mountain. Then more witty captions came popping up:
"I dunno about you Al, but I feel kinda stupid, sitting here with a giant handkerchief on my head"
"Hey Al! Stop touching yourself in public!"
"Your cave or mine?"
"...so you see, sexual intercourse with camels isn't really against the Koran after all..."
"...and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana shaped..."
"... and you're SURE these Enron shares are a smart investment?"
Further suggestions welcome, have at it in the comments, kids!
Friday, March 3, 2006
I'm in love...
... with Prague.
Spent Sunday-Thursday there, and it's a brilliant place. Good, cheap food, beautiful buildings, good service, friendly people, informative museums, interesting sites - Prague has it all! Stayed at the friendly little hostel A & O just north of the city center - cheap and practical!
I'm already thinking about booking a trip for Fall Break in early October, Norwegian Air has roundtrip tickets at about $120 (less than €95) and A & O has double rooms at $280 (€220) per person. Wanna join me ;o) ???
Spent Sunday-Thursday there, and it's a brilliant place. Good, cheap food, beautiful buildings, good service, friendly people, informative museums, interesting sites - Prague has it all! Stayed at the friendly little hostel A & O just north of the city center - cheap and practical!
I'm already thinking about booking a trip for Fall Break in early October, Norwegian Air has roundtrip tickets at about $120 (less than €95) and A & O has double rooms at $280 (€220) per person. Wanna join me ;o) ???
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Still nazi after all these years
From Reuters:
A German court on Thursday convicted a businessman of insulting Islam by printing the word "Koran" on toilet paper and offering it to mosques.
The 61-year-old man, identified only as Manfred van H., was given a one-year jail sentence, suspended for five years, and ordered to complete 300 hours of community service, a district court in the western German town of Luedinghausen ruled.
The conviction comes after a Danish newspaper printed cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammad -- sparking violent protests around the world from Muslims who saw the images as sacrilegious and an attack on their beliefs.
Manfred van H. printed out sheets of toilet paper bearing the word "Koran" shortly after a group of Muslims carried out a series of bomb attacks in London in July 2005. He sent the paper to German television stations, magazines and some 15 mosques.
Prosecutors said that in an accompanying letter Manfred van H. called Islam's holy book a "cookbook for terrorists."
He also offered his toilet paper for sale on the Internet at a price of 4 euros ($4.76) per roll, saying the proceeds would go toward a "memorial to all the victims of Islamic terrorism."
The maximum sentence for insulting religious beliefs under the German criminal code is three years in prison.
No word on any German plans to come down on Islamofascists who regularly preach oppression of women, Jews and generally everyone not bowing to their authority in said mosques. Then again, protection of Jews never was your strong point, eh Fritz?
A German court on Thursday convicted a businessman of insulting Islam by printing the word "Koran" on toilet paper and offering it to mosques.
The 61-year-old man, identified only as Manfred van H., was given a one-year jail sentence, suspended for five years, and ordered to complete 300 hours of community service, a district court in the western German town of Luedinghausen ruled.
The conviction comes after a Danish newspaper printed cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammad -- sparking violent protests around the world from Muslims who saw the images as sacrilegious and an attack on their beliefs.
Manfred van H. printed out sheets of toilet paper bearing the word "Koran" shortly after a group of Muslims carried out a series of bomb attacks in London in July 2005. He sent the paper to German television stations, magazines and some 15 mosques.
Prosecutors said that in an accompanying letter Manfred van H. called Islam's holy book a "cookbook for terrorists."
He also offered his toilet paper for sale on the Internet at a price of 4 euros ($4.76) per roll, saying the proceeds would go toward a "memorial to all the victims of Islamic terrorism."
The maximum sentence for insulting religious beliefs under the German criminal code is three years in prison.
No word on any German plans to come down on Islamofascists who regularly preach oppression of women, Jews and generally everyone not bowing to their authority in said mosques. Then again, protection of Jews never was your strong point, eh Fritz?
Friday, February 17, 2006
News you can't make up
Some random news stories I felt were blogworthy...
* In Alabama, a teacher has been charged after he took $1 bribes from his pupils to let them sit out his gym classes. My first thought when I read this story was "damn, this sucker's letting them off CHEAP". My second thought was "I wish I'd had a gym teacher like that".
* My future is bleak, according to this article in the Washington Post. Apparently, ugly people are more likely to become criminals, and the uglier you are, the worse your chances. It's a miracle I've made it this far.
* In California, some fucker(s) have stolen the prosthetic limbs of a 16-year old girl - for the second time. If this isn't what the death penalty is for, then I don't know what.
* In Alabama, a teacher has been charged after he took $1 bribes from his pupils to let them sit out his gym classes. My first thought when I read this story was "damn, this sucker's letting them off CHEAP". My second thought was "I wish I'd had a gym teacher like that".
* My future is bleak, according to this article in the Washington Post. Apparently, ugly people are more likely to become criminals, and the uglier you are, the worse your chances. It's a miracle I've made it this far.
* In California, some fucker(s) have stolen the prosthetic limbs of a 16-year old girl - for the second time. If this isn't what the death penalty is for, then I don't know what.
Mor(m)ons
Muahahahahaaaaaa... As if modern science hadn't bitchslapped religion around enough, along comes this beautiful little article from the LA Times... Now, believing in religion is fairly stupid in and of itself, but believing in that particular brand of organized idiocy known as mormonism takes a special kind of stupidity. Or as PJ O'Rourke once quipped about the dullness of Disneyworld: It was an insult to a country that had invented a religion like mormonism.
Anyway, the article details how modern DNA research has shredded whatever vestige of credibility one of the religion's fundamental tenets had left; that of the Native Americans (aka injuns) descending from the ancient Hebrews, who supposedly came to America 2,600 years ago. Of course, if you have the tiniest combination of brains and education you will know that the Natives actually came from Asia, several thousands of years ago.
The article goes on to describe some of the Mormon Church's teachings on the subject, which are both racist, immoral and demonstrably false. The fact that such a thoroughly despicable and stupid religion still has been able to gain millions of converts all over the world, demonstrates very clearly that when it comes to religion, there is no limit to how low otherwise sane, moral people can go. It also shows how easy it is to start a religion, even in fairly recent times - imagine then how little it took back when the "great" world religions commenced! Keep this in mind when you read about the supposed miracles of the Bible, the Koran or whatever piece of scripture you've got your grubby little hands on. You believe any of that shit, you're no better than a mor(m)on.
Anyway, the article details how modern DNA research has shredded whatever vestige of credibility one of the religion's fundamental tenets had left; that of the Native Americans (aka injuns) descending from the ancient Hebrews, who supposedly came to America 2,600 years ago. Of course, if you have the tiniest combination of brains and education you will know that the Natives actually came from Asia, several thousands of years ago.
The article goes on to describe some of the Mormon Church's teachings on the subject, which are both racist, immoral and demonstrably false. The fact that such a thoroughly despicable and stupid religion still has been able to gain millions of converts all over the world, demonstrates very clearly that when it comes to religion, there is no limit to how low otherwise sane, moral people can go. It also shows how easy it is to start a religion, even in fairly recent times - imagine then how little it took back when the "great" world religions commenced! Keep this in mind when you read about the supposed miracles of the Bible, the Koran or whatever piece of scripture you've got your grubby little hands on. You believe any of that shit, you're no better than a mor(m)on.
Monday, February 13, 2006
A subtle new strategy of deterrent
You may have heard the story about vice president Cheney, who managed to "accidentally" shoot his hunting mate Saturday. I don't think there was an accident at all. I think this was the first step in a White House strategy to scare the fuck out of America's enemies. Think about it - this country has a vice president who shoots his friend in the face - how nervous should you be if you're his enemy??? For further reference, see Frank J.'s Realistic Plan for World Peace: Nuke the Moon.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Some more quick movie reviews
No, I don't have a life.
Domino: Eh. Some half-decent action, but ultimately a waste of talent such as Keira Knightley (drool, drool) and Mickey Rourke (who I used to hate, but he redeemed himself considerably in Sin City). The story is about bounty-hunters who get mixed up in a mob-related robbery and it is "inspired by real events". Domino is ok for killing time, but nothing more.
Fun with Dick and Jane: Yawn. Unemployed suburbanites go on a robbery spree. Yet another horrible miscast of Jim Carrey, whose comic talents are undisputable, but who needs the right sort of script and...this...ain't...it. Also, Tea Leoni needs to find other parts than neurotic suburban wives (see Spanglish). I don't think I laughed once during the whole movie.
Keeping mum: Heh. Hehehe. Bwahahahahaaaaaaaaaa! Wonderful British comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson as the bumbling country vicar, Kristin Scott Thomas as his frustrated housewife and the always wonderful Maggie Smith as the criminally insane housekeeper who irons out the family's troubles with her, uhm... hands-on ways... Don't miss this one!
Domino: Eh. Some half-decent action, but ultimately a waste of talent such as Keira Knightley (drool, drool) and Mickey Rourke (who I used to hate, but he redeemed himself considerably in Sin City). The story is about bounty-hunters who get mixed up in a mob-related robbery and it is "inspired by real events". Domino is ok for killing time, but nothing more.
Fun with Dick and Jane: Yawn. Unemployed suburbanites go on a robbery spree. Yet another horrible miscast of Jim Carrey, whose comic talents are undisputable, but who needs the right sort of script and...this...ain't...it. Also, Tea Leoni needs to find other parts than neurotic suburban wives (see Spanglish). I don't think I laughed once during the whole movie.
Keeping mum: Heh. Hehehe. Bwahahahahaaaaaaaaaa! Wonderful British comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson as the bumbling country vicar, Kristin Scott Thomas as his frustrated housewife and the always wonderful Maggie Smith as the criminally insane housekeeper who irons out the family's troubles with her, uhm... hands-on ways... Don't miss this one!
Bring back the birch
I'm all for bringing back the birch, but only between consenting adults.
- Gore Vidal
A new poll finds stark differences in the way parents and teachers view the situation in American schools. Some points to consider:
"...less than half of parents say student discipline is a serious concern at school ... Two in three [teachers] call children's misbehavior a major problem."
I might just be getting old, but from personal experience both as a pupil and a teacher, I find that values like respect, discipline and just plain old common decency have taken a distinct turn for the worse. We teachers regularly hear language between pupils and are ourselves subjected to personal abuse that would have been unthinkable when I was in high school (back in the stone age).
"On testing, the poll found teachers are much more likely than parents to say standardized exams get too much emphasis. Yet most parents and teachers agree testing has weakened the ability of educators to give individual attention to students."
I'm in two minds about this. I am all in favor of standardized tests, because I think this is the only way we can reasonably measure a school's performance. It would be absurd and ignorant to claim that all schools, be they in Norway or in the U.S., perform equally. So long as education remains a public concern we therefore need tools to measure performance and find out where we need to make improvements. However, in my experience the tests we currently use are not always very well made, and not necessarily relevant to the curricula we teach from. More than cutting down on standardized testing, we probably need to cut down on some of the more obscure requirements for what to teach. So much of what we're supposed to be teaching is of little relevance and use to the pupils.
"...43% of parents say low expectations of students is a serious problem; 54% of teachers say the same, including almost two in three teachers in high school."
Major problem over here too. Many pupils - in some classes a majority - are quite content with not flunking. And we keep lowering the bar for that, too. International studies show that Norwegian pupils today are 6-12 months behind the level we were only ten years ago. That's downright scary, especially considering that we've added an extra school year at the beginning (school start was lowered from 7 to 6 years of age).
Time for an old man's rant: Kids today seem to expect to get everything handed to them on a silver platter. I can give the same message half a dozen times, in writing or spoken - yet when time comes for a test or a hand-in, half the class haven't even prepared, or started writing the assignment. With only a handful of exceptions, no one ever opens a book before they get to school, so they're never prepared for what's going to happen in class. Yet, I'm the meanie for not giving them better grades! (I'll freely admit to being a meanie, but I want to be credited for actual meanness, not for simply doing my job!)
Also, it is downright horrifying to discover what high-schoolers simply do not know. If you don't know which way is north and south on a map, if you don't know the difference between a noun and a verb, if you don't who's prime minister of your own country... you're simply too ignorant to be let out of elementary school. There are several components to this, we can blame both the media and the parents. But I fear that the main reason is the lax atmosphere in elementary school, where you often find teachers with relatively little education in the subjects they're teaching (it should be noted that the grade average for many of the people who enter teaching colleges is atrocious!), and who treat the classrooms more as an extension of Kindergarten than a place for actual learning.
- Gore Vidal
A new poll finds stark differences in the way parents and teachers view the situation in American schools. Some points to consider:
"...less than half of parents say student discipline is a serious concern at school ... Two in three [teachers] call children's misbehavior a major problem."
I might just be getting old, but from personal experience both as a pupil and a teacher, I find that values like respect, discipline and just plain old common decency have taken a distinct turn for the worse. We teachers regularly hear language between pupils and are ourselves subjected to personal abuse that would have been unthinkable when I was in high school (back in the stone age).
"On testing, the poll found teachers are much more likely than parents to say standardized exams get too much emphasis. Yet most parents and teachers agree testing has weakened the ability of educators to give individual attention to students."
I'm in two minds about this. I am all in favor of standardized tests, because I think this is the only way we can reasonably measure a school's performance. It would be absurd and ignorant to claim that all schools, be they in Norway or in the U.S., perform equally. So long as education remains a public concern we therefore need tools to measure performance and find out where we need to make improvements. However, in my experience the tests we currently use are not always very well made, and not necessarily relevant to the curricula we teach from. More than cutting down on standardized testing, we probably need to cut down on some of the more obscure requirements for what to teach. So much of what we're supposed to be teaching is of little relevance and use to the pupils.
"...43% of parents say low expectations of students is a serious problem; 54% of teachers say the same, including almost two in three teachers in high school."
Major problem over here too. Many pupils - in some classes a majority - are quite content with not flunking. And we keep lowering the bar for that, too. International studies show that Norwegian pupils today are 6-12 months behind the level we were only ten years ago. That's downright scary, especially considering that we've added an extra school year at the beginning (school start was lowered from 7 to 6 years of age).
Time for an old man's rant: Kids today seem to expect to get everything handed to them on a silver platter. I can give the same message half a dozen times, in writing or spoken - yet when time comes for a test or a hand-in, half the class haven't even prepared, or started writing the assignment. With only a handful of exceptions, no one ever opens a book before they get to school, so they're never prepared for what's going to happen in class. Yet, I'm the meanie for not giving them better grades! (I'll freely admit to being a meanie, but I want to be credited for actual meanness, not for simply doing my job!)
Also, it is downright horrifying to discover what high-schoolers simply do not know. If you don't know which way is north and south on a map, if you don't know the difference between a noun and a verb, if you don't who's prime minister of your own country... you're simply too ignorant to be let out of elementary school. There are several components to this, we can blame both the media and the parents. But I fear that the main reason is the lax atmosphere in elementary school, where you often find teachers with relatively little education in the subjects they're teaching (it should be noted that the grade average for many of the people who enter teaching colleges is atrocious!), and who treat the classrooms more as an extension of Kindergarten than a place for actual learning.
Thursday, February 9, 2006
Movie reviews
Some quick takes on movies I've seen recently...
Walk the Line - the story of Johnny Cash from his childhood till he marries June Carter in the late 60s... good movie, strong story, well played main characters (Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon). Some good ole foot-stompin' music too!
Munich - Sadly, this movie is as sanctimonious, longwinded and boring as Spielberg himself. Some fairly decent acting, but even the "action" scenes are mostly dull. Yawn.
Narnia - Ahhhh... fun for the kids (meaning yours truly)! Great animation, well acted, good fun all round. Even a militant atheist like yours truly didn't find it too "Christian".
Walk the Line - the story of Johnny Cash from his childhood till he marries June Carter in the late 60s... good movie, strong story, well played main characters (Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon). Some good ole foot-stompin' music too!
Munich - Sadly, this movie is as sanctimonious, longwinded and boring as Spielberg himself. Some fairly decent acting, but even the "action" scenes are mostly dull. Yawn.
Narnia - Ahhhh... fun for the kids (meaning yours truly)! Great animation, well acted, good fun all round. Even a militant atheist like yours truly didn't find it too "Christian".
Sign o' the times
We are surely living in the end times. Consider the evidence:
* Barry Manilow is topping the album charts for the first time in 29 years.
* The most demonized Democratic president in modern times is now so close to the family of the most demonized Republican president that he is "considered part of the family".
* Six-year olds are suspended from Elementary School for "sexual harassment".
* The world's Muslims are more outraged about non-believers lampooning their prophet than about co-believers slitting the throats of other co-believers.
* Barry Manilow is topping the album charts for the first time in 29 years.
* The most demonized Democratic president in modern times is now so close to the family of the most demonized Republican president that he is "considered part of the family".
* Six-year olds are suspended from Elementary School for "sexual harassment".
* The world's Muslims are more outraged about non-believers lampooning their prophet than about co-believers slitting the throats of other co-believers.
Tuesday, February 7, 2006
Once bitten, twice ugly
Ya'll probably heard of the French woman who got a partial face transplant after she was bitten by the family dog and severely disfigured. Now she's gone public with her new face. Color me cruel, but my first thought when I saw the result was "why bother?"... my second thought was "Lady... better get a lawyer, 'cause you've been had".
A quick and cruel commentary on her statements as reported by CNN:
"I now have a face like everyone else," she told reporters Monday at the hospital in Amiens in northern France where the surgery was performed.
Only if everybody else looks like something out of "Night of the living dead". Which maybe they do in France.
"A door to the future is opening."
A future in horror movies?
Her speech was heavily slurred and hard to understand...
That's called FRENCH.
...and she appeared to have difficulty moving or closing her mouth.
Duh. All women have problems closing their mouths.
A quick and cruel commentary on her statements as reported by CNN:
"I now have a face like everyone else," she told reporters Monday at the hospital in Amiens in northern France where the surgery was performed.
Only if everybody else looks like something out of "Night of the living dead". Which maybe they do in France.
"A door to the future is opening."
A future in horror movies?
Her speech was heavily slurred and hard to understand...
That's called FRENCH.
...and she appeared to have difficulty moving or closing her mouth.
Duh. All women have problems closing their mouths.
Saturday, February 4, 2006
Invoking the 5th
Nope, not the famous 5th amendment to the US Constitution... but the 5th article of the North Atlantic Treaty, the founding document of NATO. The article basically states that an attack on one NATO member is to be considered an attack on all. It was invoked after 9/11, 2001, when the US was attacked by Islamofascists.
Well, today the Embassies of NATO members Denmark and Norway were burned to the ground in Damascus, Syria. This is a country where you do not take to the streets unless you have a pretty good feeling you've got the government's support, however tacitly stated. This is a regime that keeps a very tight leash on its population, and I refuse to believe they could not have stopped this if they wanted to, especially since the Norwegian Embassy was burned down some time after the Danish one. Yeah, they used "tear gas and water cannons", but this is a regime that wouldn't hesitate to user either rubber or real bullets if they felt so inclined.
So. We've got terrorists. We've got burning NATO-country buildings, on what is legally NATO-country ground (remember, Embassies are considered to be extensions of their respective countries and not a part of the host country!). And we've got an uncooperative government sheltering Islamofascists. I say we go GET the fuckers. And since Syria doesn't have any more oil than they've got democracy, no one's going to accuse us of "blood for oil" this time.
Of course, they might say we're anti-Islamic, ethnocentric neo-imperialists, but flattery won't get them anywhere.
Well, today the Embassies of NATO members Denmark and Norway were burned to the ground in Damascus, Syria. This is a country where you do not take to the streets unless you have a pretty good feeling you've got the government's support, however tacitly stated. This is a regime that keeps a very tight leash on its population, and I refuse to believe they could not have stopped this if they wanted to, especially since the Norwegian Embassy was burned down some time after the Danish one. Yeah, they used "tear gas and water cannons", but this is a regime that wouldn't hesitate to user either rubber or real bullets if they felt so inclined.
So. We've got terrorists. We've got burning NATO-country buildings, on what is legally NATO-country ground (remember, Embassies are considered to be extensions of their respective countries and not a part of the host country!). And we've got an uncooperative government sheltering Islamofascists. I say we go GET the fuckers. And since Syria doesn't have any more oil than they've got democracy, no one's going to accuse us of "blood for oil" this time.
Of course, they might say we're anti-Islamic, ethnocentric neo-imperialists, but flattery won't get them anywhere.
Friday, February 3, 2006
Piglet says it best
Ok, this is by far the sweetest response so far to the whole boycott thingy... go to http://www.daybydaycartoon.com/Default.aspx and click on the cartoon for Feb 2.
Update: The link is dead, try this instead.
Update: The link is dead, try this instead.
Wednesday, February 1, 2006
It's rude, but is it art?
Ok... I've read some complaints regarding the cartoons of Mohammed - not pertaining to freedom of speech, but to the very relevant and morally valid notion of copyrights. I don't know what's proper, and until I get a good source explaining to me that it is in fact a violation of copy rights to show the cartoons, I shall keep them here. But in the unlikely event that I do feel compelled to remove them, I have made my own, highly blasphemous little back-up drawing.
Those of you who know me (and are still alive to talk about it), know that I can't draw to save my life, and certainly not with a paintshop program. Yet, here is my artistic impression of Mohammed, the ass-fucked prophet. I always go the extra mile for you, dear readers!
Those of you who know me (and are still alive to talk about it), know that I can't draw to save my life, and certainly not with a paintshop program. Yet, here is my artistic impression of Mohammed, the ass-fucked prophet. I always go the extra mile for you, dear readers!
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Monday, January 30, 2006
Fuck Muhammed up the ass with a very big stick
Ya'll may not be aware of this, but there's a budding outrage in many Muslim countries. Flags are burning, boycotts implemented, threats of terror being made.
Is it about the American forces in Iraq?
Is it about Israeli occupation of Palestine?
Is it about the people in "The Arab street" finally getting fed up with being oppressed by their own "leaders"?
Nah.
The issue that is now threatening to set the Islamic world ablaze is this: A Danish daily called "Jyllandsposten", in September 2005 wrote about the sad fact that a Danish writer could not find any artists to draw a picture of Islam's main prohet, Muhammed. In most Sunni-Islamic circles, creating a physical image of the Prophet is considered the worst possible blasphemy, and no artist dared make an image, out of fear for what crazy Islamists might do. Jyllandsposten then had 12 cartoonists make caricatures of varying quality, and printed the images in the paper.
And then... all hell broke loose.
So far, several Islamic countries have encouraged consumer boycotts and/or condemned Denmark, demanded apologies and that the newspaper be punished. In the Palestinian territories, they're burning Danish flags, and now also Norwegian flags, because a Christian Norwegian magazine printed the same pictures. There have been hundreds of death threats against the Danes, and quite a few at the Norwegians too. Local militants have warned Norwegian aid workers (these are the sad, misguided numbskulls who are actually trying to HELP the Palestinians, remember) to get the fuck out of Gaza within 48 hours - or else...
In addition to the Islamo-fascists, we also have the usual suspects: The terminally politically correct who act as the terrorists' useful idiots by demanding that we "respect Muslim sensibilitites". This from people who generally have no problem labeling everybody slightly to the right of Karl Marx as fascists, and who tend to show precious little respect for the sensibilities of their homegrown religious fanatics of the Christian variety. Not that they should, religion deserves no respect, what-so-fuckin-ever, I'm just pointing out the glaring hypocrisy involved.
Let me put this in no uncertain terms: If you belong to a school of thought that says it's a crime against God to portray his greatest prophet, you're pretty much fucked in the head to start with. If you then think it's a reasonable punishment to censor, threaten, or physically harm the ones doing the portraying, you're a dangerous, psychotic, neanderthal fascist. And if you're so blinded by your holier-than-thou political correctness that you can't see that these crazy fuckers are a mortal danger to western liberty, you're worthy of nothing but contempt.
So let me close this by stating my most sincere, heartfelt desire, phrased with all the sensibility I can muster towards "the great religion of Islam":
Fuck Muhammed.
Fuck him up the ass with a very big stick.
And fuck his followers too.
And since I'm a great believer in equal opportunity: Fuck Jesus, fuck God, fuck Allah, fuck Jahve, fuck Buddha, fuck the umpteen retarded gods of Hinduism too, fuck everybody who wishes to limit other people's freedom to say and think and do what they want - fuck'em all with the biggest, bluntest stick you can lay your grubby little hands on. Because that's what religions and their believers have been doing to us humans, ever since the first caveman started to communicate with the weather, and bashed his neighbor's head in with a rock when he refused to listen. They've shafted us royally, time and again, raped our sense of rationality, common sense and liberty. Time to return the favor.
Is it about the American forces in Iraq?
Is it about Israeli occupation of Palestine?
Is it about the people in "The Arab street" finally getting fed up with being oppressed by their own "leaders"?
Nah.
The issue that is now threatening to set the Islamic world ablaze is this: A Danish daily called "Jyllandsposten", in September 2005 wrote about the sad fact that a Danish writer could not find any artists to draw a picture of Islam's main prohet, Muhammed. In most Sunni-Islamic circles, creating a physical image of the Prophet is considered the worst possible blasphemy, and no artist dared make an image, out of fear for what crazy Islamists might do. Jyllandsposten then had 12 cartoonists make caricatures of varying quality, and printed the images in the paper.
And then... all hell broke loose.
So far, several Islamic countries have encouraged consumer boycotts and/or condemned Denmark, demanded apologies and that the newspaper be punished. In the Palestinian territories, they're burning Danish flags, and now also Norwegian flags, because a Christian Norwegian magazine printed the same pictures. There have been hundreds of death threats against the Danes, and quite a few at the Norwegians too. Local militants have warned Norwegian aid workers (these are the sad, misguided numbskulls who are actually trying to HELP the Palestinians, remember) to get the fuck out of Gaza within 48 hours - or else...
In addition to the Islamo-fascists, we also have the usual suspects: The terminally politically correct who act as the terrorists' useful idiots by demanding that we "respect Muslim sensibilitites". This from people who generally have no problem labeling everybody slightly to the right of Karl Marx as fascists, and who tend to show precious little respect for the sensibilities of their homegrown religious fanatics of the Christian variety. Not that they should, religion deserves no respect, what-so-fuckin-ever, I'm just pointing out the glaring hypocrisy involved.
Let me put this in no uncertain terms: If you belong to a school of thought that says it's a crime against God to portray his greatest prophet, you're pretty much fucked in the head to start with. If you then think it's a reasonable punishment to censor, threaten, or physically harm the ones doing the portraying, you're a dangerous, psychotic, neanderthal fascist. And if you're so blinded by your holier-than-thou political correctness that you can't see that these crazy fuckers are a mortal danger to western liberty, you're worthy of nothing but contempt.
So let me close this by stating my most sincere, heartfelt desire, phrased with all the sensibility I can muster towards "the great religion of Islam":
Fuck Muhammed.
Fuck him up the ass with a very big stick.
And fuck his followers too.
And since I'm a great believer in equal opportunity: Fuck Jesus, fuck God, fuck Allah, fuck Jahve, fuck Buddha, fuck the umpteen retarded gods of Hinduism too, fuck everybody who wishes to limit other people's freedom to say and think and do what they want - fuck'em all with the biggest, bluntest stick you can lay your grubby little hands on. Because that's what religions and their believers have been doing to us humans, ever since the first caveman started to communicate with the weather, and bashed his neighbor's head in with a rock when he refused to listen. They've shafted us royally, time and again, raped our sense of rationality, common sense and liberty. Time to return the favor.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Dumbfucks
As if we needed more proof, here is yet another study documenting that young people today have the average IQ of bricks. Allow me to quote:
"...most college students cannot handle many complex but common tasks, from understanding credit card offers to comparing the cost per ounce of food..." My dead grandmother could compare the cost of food, and she had seven years of schooling back in the 20s and 30s. Come to think of it, she probably still could, if you dug her up.
"More than 50 percent of students at four-year schools and more than 75 percent at two-year colleges lacked the skills to perform complex literacy tasks. That means they could not interpret a table about exercise and blood pressure, understand the arguments of newspaper editorials, compare credit card offers with different interest rates and annual fees or summarize results of a survey about parental involvement in school." I'll cut 'em some slack on not understanding newspaper editorials, they may have been tested using the NY Times' editorials, and no one outside the Democratic party's loony wing can understand the arguments made there.
"Almost 20 percent of students pursuing four-year degrees had only basic quantitative skills. For example, the students could not estimate if their car had enough gas to get to the service station." Free investment tip: Start buying shares in road rescue companies.
"...most college students cannot handle many complex but common tasks, from understanding credit card offers to comparing the cost per ounce of food..." My dead grandmother could compare the cost of food, and she had seven years of schooling back in the 20s and 30s. Come to think of it, she probably still could, if you dug her up.
"More than 50 percent of students at four-year schools and more than 75 percent at two-year colleges lacked the skills to perform complex literacy tasks. That means they could not interpret a table about exercise and blood pressure, understand the arguments of newspaper editorials, compare credit card offers with different interest rates and annual fees or summarize results of a survey about parental involvement in school." I'll cut 'em some slack on not understanding newspaper editorials, they may have been tested using the NY Times' editorials, and no one outside the Democratic party's loony wing can understand the arguments made there.
"Almost 20 percent of students pursuing four-year degrees had only basic quantitative skills. For example, the students could not estimate if their car had enough gas to get to the service station." Free investment tip: Start buying shares in road rescue companies.
I feel his pain
Apparently, Matt Da(e)mon and Ben Allfeck, sorry, Affleck, are planning a remake of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Asked about the rumors, Robert Redford said he found the thought "depressing". I admire his verbal constraint.
As Ambrose Bierce once wrote: "There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy". The thought of Allfeck and his only-slightly-less-gay-looking-than-DiCaprio sidekick fucking up one of history's all time greatest movies would put their violent demise in the last category. So, folks... should you see these guys on the street... feel free to engage in a realistic re-enactment of the movie's end!
As Ambrose Bierce once wrote: "There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy". The thought of Allfeck and his only-slightly-less-gay-looking-than-DiCaprio sidekick fucking up one of history's all time greatest movies would put their violent demise in the last category. So, folks... should you see these guys on the street... feel free to engage in a realistic re-enactment of the movie's end!
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