Calling 911

Today I did it for the first time. I called 911. Allow me to explain.

I'd been awake all night in my motel room in a suburb just north of Minneapolis. Unable to sleep on account of being so sick I honestly thought I was going to cough up a lung, I hit the shower, got dressed and left the motel for Fargo, ND at around 4 AM.

Within a few seconds of leaving, my gas indicator was down to its last bar. The two first exits I took, the gas stations all were closed and since I have no US zip code, I could not use my Visa card. As I continued to search for open stations, I got more and more desperate.

Finally I found one, went in and prepaid 50 bucks, then walked out to fill up. As I stood there, a black Pontiac drove up in front of the station. Out poured, for lack of a better word, a black woman in high heels and a tight, short dress - a "working woman", to be sure. She dropped her car keys on the ground, picked them up with some problems and walked on wobbly legs to the door and went in.

Now, I couldn't give a fuck what people do for a living, including prostitution. Victimless crime, none of my fuckin' business. But when people who are clearly incapacitated attempt to operate a heavy vehicle and share the road with me and others, I draw the line.

While she was inside doing her thing, I wrote down her license number and car make. I also made a note of the county road number I was on. I then went back to my car and waited. When she came out to the cashier again, I went inside as I wanted to be 100% sure before calling the cops. She was clearly out of it. She complained of having lost her car keys (which she'd had two minutes before...) and went back to the bathroom to look for them.

The two attendants were looking at each other with lusty leers, so I asked, just to get a second opinion, if they thought the woman was sober. One of the attendants replied "no way", but when I asked if he shouldn't call the cops, he said he used to do that, but by the time they arrived the drunk drivers were usually gone. Not quite satisfied with such a passive attitude, I went out to my car and promptly called 911.

I had a long, pleasant conversation with the dispatcher - he stayed with me till the cops came. He took down details of where the station was, descriptions of the car and the woman, he asked where I was from (I got the reaction I always get - "you're a long way from home") and he asked me to stay until the cops got there to see if they needed my information and to back up that I'd seen her actually drive.

Meanwhile, she'd made it outside, but thank fuck she was smoking and texting and taking her sweet time. One of the attendants also came outside to smoke and they were still talking when the first police car arrived, probably around ten minutes after I'd made the call. I hung up with the dispatcher and watched the scene.

The cop was a white woman, and she was talking with the drunk driver when police car #2 pulled up right behind them. A white guy, this time. He came over to my car and took down my details (my Norwegian driver's licence caused some hilarity, as it always does, being valid until I turn 100 years old...) and we talked a little. Turns out all four of his grandparents were Norwegian. I commented that they had a lot of Scandinavians in Minnesota, and he replied "yeah, but mostly those pesky Swedes. Beggars and thieves the lot of 'em".

After nearly pissing myself with laughter we rounded off with him thanking me and letting me go on my merry way to North Dakota. By now it had tipped 5 AM (I think) and as I looked in my back mirror they were still talking to the drunk driver. I have no idea if she got off with a warning or if she'll have to do time. I have no idea if this was a first time offense or a repeat one. I have no idea if she would have made it home without any problems whatsoever or if she might have killed or maimed someone.

All I know is that I've seen one traffic injury too many to let something like that just slip away. So iffin yer ever in mah company of a night and you're drinking, know this: I'll call the cops if you try to drive home. That IS the kind of guy I am.