Ashby de la Zouch

Yesterday I left Chester for a dump of a hotel called the Charnwood Arms, just outside Coalville. It had an internet connection slow as syrup, a showerhead mounted on the wall (seriously, NO ONE has that in Europe anymore) and I stood for five minutes as the only waiting guest in their restaurant, while employees walked right by me, studiously avoiding eye contact. Fuck that. I went into Coalville and got me a good Indian meal instead.

The castle I'd planned to see in Ashby I abandoned after 15 minutes, since it was windy and cold as a witch's tit, the audioguide was (for once) extremely annoying and the castle grounds was full of screaming monsters kids. English Heritage, here's a free suggestion for you: Introduce children-free days. I don't care if you arrange them in the early morning or late at night, just give me the opportunity to enjoy your many wondrous properties without the ever present wailing of a child on 110 decibel in my ears. Thank you.

The castle itself contains little but ruins today. It was built originally in the 12th century and from sometime in the 1400s it was handed over to Lord Hastings, one of Edward IV's most trusted men who famously lost his head during the reign of Edward's brother Richard III (a horse, a horse, etc). It was blown up during the Civil War, then the hall was rebuilt for a while, but now it's all pretty much ruins. Ashby castle regained some fame when Walter Scott set a tournament there in his Ivanhoe (1819) and for a while it became a popular tourist destination.

All Ashby pics here.

This huge straw bear is some sort of marketing plot for an ice cream company. It was on the main road outta Chester and I just had to get a pic of it.


I did climb the 98 steps up the tall tower. Fuck me, it was windy up there.


'cept for the tower pretty much everything is in ruin...


Through the door to the left, there was an almost pitch black tunnel, which I walked into. I could hear voices coming from the other end; it was a mother and her two kids playing fucking "scooby doo", making a godawful noise. The two kids stopped dead silent when I came round the corner, and I bet if I had screamed "booo" at them, they would have turned and fled in horror. As it was I just nodded to their mother in the dark and went on my way, barely able to contain my evil laugh.


Ruins.


More ruins.