Lewes

On the road between Pevensey and Lewes, I stopped just long enough to take a couple of pics of "The Long Man of Wilmington". Like almost all of these figures spread across the English countryside, it is a quite recent invention. The long man is probably from the 16th century, although this hasn't prevented new agers and other assorted eejits & assholes from conducting "pagan" (read: spanking new) rituals on the site. Sweet jebus, in 2011 you'd think people would settle for science, but they still cling to old beliefs or make up new ones. Gaaaah.

I then drove on to Lewes, which has some very touristy areas, and in this respect it reminded me a little of Canterbury. Lewes Castle, which is rare in that it was originally built on TWO "mottes" (mounds), instead of the customary ONE is still quite a sight, but probably the best part of the experience is the fine views you have from the top of it. 6 quid's a steep price when you haven't even got an audioguide or a blowjob in the bargain. Do you HEAR me, Sussex Archaeological Society?

The area is rich with history. In addition to the castle itself, it was the site of the Battle of Lewes, where in 1264 Simon de Montfort whupped king Henry III's ass and initated the first, feeble beginnnings of Parliament. Later, during the reign of papist bitch Catholic Queen Mary I, 17 Protestants were burned at the stake. To this day the good people of Lewes arrange the biggest Guy Fawkes' Night bonfire in Britain, cheerfully burning the Pope in effigy every year. It's so politically uncorrect, I must even now wipe a tear of joy when I think about it. In 1836 the worst avalanche in British history killed 8 people over by the cliffs. So yeah, Lewes has seen its fair share of action over the years.

After a pleasant 45 mins at the castle I repaired to the White Hart Hotel, where Tom Paine launched his political career in 1768. He apparently formed his own debating society, called "The Headstrong Club", where he began forming his radical ideas. Even though the building looks (and IS) ancient, not much remains of what was there in Paine's day; the building has undergone extensive renovations since. Still, seeing the place gave me goosebumps. Paine is one of the greatest revolutionaries and rabulists of all times, and his work for the American Revolution in particular was extremely important. These are the times that try men's souls... oh yeah, still relevant to this day.

After a good lunch of duck's breast I dragged my bloated body towards the car. Outside a pub called The Elephant & Castle I suddenly spotted a sign which said they were showing the football match between Liverpool and Everton, two city rivals in the English League. So I went in and caught the last 25 mins or so, including both of Liverpool's sweet, sweet goals.

Watching the match in a pub is an education in itself, especially in English swear words. I've never heard more foul language in my life, and most of the people in the pub were actually rooting for the winning team... the conversation was cheerfully spiced with "shite", "cunt", "fuck", "wanker", "sods" and included various derivations thereof and more. It was like attending a meeting of the Tourette's syndrome association.

All Lewes Castle pics here, all Lewes City pics here.

The Long Man.


The White Hart Hotel outside and inside.




The plaque on the wall.


In this meeting room on the 2nd floor, Paine's club used to meet. They have the American Constitution on one of the walls.


A duck had to give its life for me to gorge on this fine lunch. As is only right and just.


What Lewes Castle once looked like.


In the Barbican they have a small museum, with a model of the city, with light displays and fancy shtuff where they show a 12-minute introduction to the history of Lewes.


The Keep, which was built on the second, and by far the largest of the two mounds.


This Bowling Green was constructed sometime in the 1700s, and Tom Paine played here. I keep thinking of him as an ancient Sobchak.


I can only assume that this building, which lies wall to wall with the present castle, is a private home. Color me green with envy.


The cliffs, as seen from the castle. Up on the Downs, yessirree.


This little top was the first mound, which was later on pretty much abandoned.


English humor.


Many of the steps up to the keep are inscribed with names of people or organizations. I can only assume this is some form of sponsorship. I think it's a brilliant way to raise money and involve people in history.


Across the valley to the uhm... north...? Uh, anyways, across the valley lies a monument to the 17 eejits who got themselves burned to death because they insisted that their invisible friend was better than the Queen's invisible friend. Iffin we could just burn 'em all and be rid of invisible friends for ever, I'd actually be quite happy.


Lewes' most recent claim to fame is this building, which used to be the jail. Mick Jagger was briefly locked up here in the late 60s for smoking pot. When you look at Mick nowadays you have to think he's his own worst punishment.


Sho, sho pwetty.


I'm going to close today's writings with this verse from the poem "Sussex", by Rudyard Kipling. It kinda sums up my feelings not just toward this landscape, but to all of "this Scepter'd Isle". Hot damn, I love England.

So to the land our hearts we give
Till the sure magic strike,
And Memory, Use, and Love make live
Us and our fields alike—
That deeper than our speech and thought,
Beyond our reason’s sway,
Clay of the pit whence we were wrought
Yearns to its fellow-clay.